Partner died yesterday. What do I need to do?

[Velvetgoldmine]

His was an expected death so no PM needed. My brain seems to have turned to jelly. Please tell me the things I need to do so I don't make any silly mistakes or miss anything. He was in his sixties with a pension and attendance allowance. We have a joint account and our own accounts and most of the bills are in his name. If I use Tell Us Once will all the accounts get closed down?

Tell Us Once tells all the government departments but you'll still need to contact banks, utility companies etc. When you contact those companies it is often better to ask for the bereavement team as they tend to be better at handling it all. I can't remember if I had to wait for DH's death certificate or not first as I think I have blocked a lot of that out. I am sorry, I know how rough it is. Have you got someone to support you?

Have you appointed an undertaker yet? They will talk you through everything from this point. I was in a similar fog when my mum died and calling an undertaker was the best thing I could have done at that time.

So sorry for your loss, OP.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

Do you own a property? How is it held (joint tenants or tenants in common)?

Did he leave a will?

My condolences

https://www.gov.uk/when-someone-dies

Anything in joint name you will retain access to
anything in his name is locked for now

give yourself time to breathe

Sorry for your loss, OP. Does he have children? Did he leave a will?

So sorry op. I am sharing some info with you which has a checklist and links. It is from Marie Curie but will I hope,be useful.
https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/information/grief/checklist-when-someone-dies

Are you married or in a Civil Partnership, OP? Who is DP’s next of kin? Xx

Sorry for your loss.

Although most things can wait, the first main thing to do is contact the Registrar to get an appointment booked to register the death and they will also do all the TUO parts.

TUO will notify the DWP, HMRC, Council Social Work and Council Tax. They can notify many other Government departments if relevant e.g NHS/Police Pensions so ask if you aren't sure. Registrars are generally lovely people and super helpful.

For banks, most organisations have an online bereavement section where you can fill in the forms and upload a copy of the death certificate. That saves you having to phone anyone or trying to find a high street branch.

Most private pension companies also tend to have an online option too.

If you haven't instructed a funeral director yet, you will also need to do that and they'll either come to your house or ask you to go to them as there is paperwork that will need filled in and signed.

Take any offers of help if you need to though as the admin can be a bit of a task especially in the early days.

I’m so sorry for your loss. Take care of yourself. 💐

Thank you all for the advice and kindness. We are not married. We rent, I am on the rental agreement. He has made a will and I am his next of kin and beneficiary. I will follow up on those links and try to make sure I do everything needed. The advice to contact the bereavement departments was something I hadn't thought of. I am concerned that utilities etc will make me start complete new accounts which would be a nightmare. But if they do, they do. Thanks again for kindness - this is the most painful thing that has ever happened to me and while I am normally relatively competent, I am currently floundering.

We were with Octopus when DH died and the bill was in his name, they just switched it to my name, I think pretty much all the other utilities did too. The worst one was Plusnet who tried to sell me a new tariff despite me telling them I was calling to tell them he'd died (we were coming to the end of the contract when he died but even so).

@Velvetgoldmine
Anything in joint names (bank, utilities, rent) reverts to you
so you can ignore it for the next few weeks.

Give yourself time to breathe and grieve.
Some days will be productive, some will not.

Luckily the UK systems are quite well coordinated for updating detail and paperwork.

when my DH died I did one thing each day, If you need to speak to anyone in a big business, bank, phone etc ask for the bereavement team, these are normally much better at helping you.

Sorry to read what you are going through. If you are under state pension age you may be able to claim Bereavement support allowance which would give you a lump sums and small monthly payments. It may help if you are needing to pay for funeral etc. If you need any help on benefits etc then Age UK are a good source of help.

I’m also going through this. I completed lots of on line forms for work pensions etc and have been very surprised to receive no replies for over 10 days. The only company to contact me was EE.

I agree with the advice to do one thing a day. I’m currently crawling through the probate form.

I’m so sorry for your loss.
Just to add, if your partner owned a car registered to him, you will need to contact the DVLA and change the ownership details. Likewise any motor or household insurance policies will also need to be transferred into your name.
There is a lot to do, and it comes at a time when you are already most likely overwhelmed.
Tackle one job a day, and make notes on what you’ve done, who you contacted and what you need to do next. I found my memory was shot to pieces and writing stuff down really helped.
Also, be prepared as some organisations can be rubbish at dealing with bereavement.

My condolences. I went through this just over a year ago.
I agree, one thing at a time and talk to the bereavement teams. I hope you don't have to speak to anyone who cheerily says "that's all ok, then" like I did!
Most things that are in joint names are easily transferred to you. The only things that I'm aware of than don't are:
a) the car (don't change that until Feb 1st or you will pay road tax for the whole of January), and remember to tell the insurance company. I think you may have to take out a new policy, I can't remember.
b) credit cards. If these are in DP's name they will be cancelled, even if you are a card holder.

(As an aside, anyone who us reading this who doesn't have a credit card in their name, get one now, in order to build up a credit card history. It's taken me over a year to get a decent credit limit)

Good luck, remember there's no rush. Make a list & work you way through it slowly.

Thank you all. I registered his death and so I can now start to move on all of these things. I feel conflicted by a sense of panic to get things done in a timely way and the horrible feeling that each step taken puts him further behind me. Nothing seems real. I also have a sick friend who needs support, which of course also takes time and emotional resource. Please wish me strength going forward. Am sure I will be back for more advice.

Deepest condolences, OP 💐

I suggest you order 6 copies of the death certificate as you may need to send original copies to various organisations, though these will be returned in due course. Easier to request those now and not need them than to need them but not have extra on hand

So sorry to hear this, OP. I expect by now you've registered the death, or are gearing up to do it. We found when my Dad died that getting that done was a big step. We were able to do it over the phone, which I hadn't expected, and it made things a lot easier as I had brought all the paperwork down to the living room and my Mum and I could refer to that as needed during what turned out to be a longish call. We used the Tell Us Once service and it was very helpful. DWP, DVLA, HMRC, Passport Office, NHS, council tax department, library, emergency alarm bracelet service, electoral registration - all notified as a result of that one call.

We heard very quickly from the DWP and HMRC. We got a small repayment of Dad's PAYE (could have gone the other way, of course). Mum's council tax dropped because of the one person discount, which might be relevant for you.

I looked through their paperwork to identify all the regular payments and set to work to contact them in order of urgency. I also went through Dad's emails to see if there was anyone or any organisations there that needed to be notified. It took quite a while for post and emails to stop coming, which is unfortunately just how it is. The odd one needed a reminder.

We started with the bank, and their bereavement team were really good. The joint account was changed immediately to Mum's name only. One thing we hadn't thought of was that their credit card, which they had thought of as joint, was in fact issued to Dad and Mum had a second card. On his death the card was cancelled. However, we did an online application for a new card and she had that in under a week, so it wasn't too much of a problem.

It was reasonably easy to change the BT account and energy account to Mum's sole name too.

They owned their own home so had buildings and contents insurance. I notified the company and they charged an admin fee to change the policy over to Mum's sole name. I thought was poor form in the circumstances, but we had no choice but to pay. We didn't renew with them, though!

It is a lot. However, it will get done. Don't overdo it. Not everything needs to be done at once.

Practically I have no idea what order or official things you need to do. But you need to look after yourself, stay hydrated, eat where you can, rest where you can and try and maintain some hobbies and enjoyment in this dark time. Thinking of you 💐

So sorry for your loss.

i felt exactly the same as you do re the process taking your beloved partner further away from you,

A different perspective is that these are practicalities that are terribly painful, but necessary, then once they are done and in your own time, you will find that the happy loving memories come back again and you can start to heal.

It's a very difficult time, so do remember to look after yourself, if you find your sleep is nonexistent, take little naps when you feel really exhausted, do what your body tells you. Also, even if you don't feel like eating try to remember to stay hydrated, water, cup of tea anything to keep your fluid levels up, it's so easy to forget. Easy foods kept me going, like rice pudding, toast, soup Xxx

crossposted with you @JackGeller

This isn't exactly what you asked but please remember to eat regularly (anything you can face), drink for hydration and rest / sleep.
Grief and shock are physically and emotionally exhausting, and you will be right in the depths of that right now.

Good advice. Eating is a problem - I feel quite sick and everything I do eat goes straight through me. Am keeping up the hydration though which is a start. Sleeping also an issue, but so is getting a GP appointment to address it!

So very sorry for you. Remember there is no 'right' way to react or behave. We are all different and you need to work out your own ways to cope. You will be speaking to a lot of companies and organisations over the next few weeks. I used a hardback a4 notebook (one of SO many DH had bought...) and used a new page for each one. I headed each page as I thought about who I needed to contact, then worked through them in what seemed the most sensible order. The headings meant I knew I wasn't forgetting anyone. Date and write about EVERY letter, email and phone call. It is easy to get confused or lose track and this helped me feel I knew what was going on. I found bereavement teams were all very sympathetic and patient. A lot of them were happy to accept scans of the documents they needed so save anything you scan. There will be days when you can't and days when you can. Be kind to yourself and don't expect more than you can do.