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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

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Original poster

my Ds's stepbrother died yesterday at Rockness

29 replies

flossie64 · 08/06/2008 13:22

I am not close to his mother ,but it is very sad.
My son was supposedly going there aswell so I think he is in major shock ,as is everyone .
Not sure why I have posted , I don't really know how to support my son ,he is 17 and the other boy was 18.
No-one should have their children die bfore them . all mothers feel for each other in these circumstances.

OP posts:

Aimsmum · 08/06/2008 13:24

Message withdrawn

cornsilk · 08/06/2008 13:27

notjustmom · 08/06/2008 13:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Spidermama · 08/06/2008 13:30

How sad. Sorry flossie.

Original poster

flossie64 · 08/06/2008 13:31

I want to send a letter to her but I know my ex will not even let her see it .
i just hope he gives his mum ,sister and my son the support and comfort they will need.
He is not known for compassion at all.

OP posts:

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 08/06/2008 13:32

I am so sorry Flossie, what an awful shock for everyone.

How is your son? I am sure there will be other people coming along soon who can help you help your ds.

solo · 08/06/2008 13:34

That's very sad, I'm so sorry.

ggglimpopo · 08/06/2008 13:37

Send her a card - even if she does not get it, you have tried. How very sad; I am sorry.

Leslaki · 08/06/2008 13:39

ggglimpopo, I agree with you. If she gets it she will appreciate it. Or give your ds a card for her for the next time he sees her. or send her flowers.
It's tragic. Poor woman. Hope your ds is ok.

Original poster

flossie64 · 08/06/2008 13:41

My son is a mess , he sounds very frightened and lost.
I have told him that he must be very kind to his step mum as she will be devastated.
The boys sister will be in the middle of her standard grades as well so that will be difficult.

OP posts:

eenybeeny · 08/06/2008 13:42

Oh that is so sad. It is hell on earth to lose a child. My sister went through it. I agree send a card even if she never sees it you tried. But there is always the chance she might see it and it would touch her.

MargaretMountford · 08/06/2008 13:45

How very,very sad and tragic and awful for your ds

Original poster

flossie64 · 08/06/2008 13:49

My ds lives with them and I am 450 miles away .
I will send a card as I cannot bear to think of how i would feel.

OP posts:

Buda · 08/06/2008 13:49

God how awful. No one should lose a child.

Send a card or a letter. She will appreciate it.

Original poster

flossie64 · 08/06/2008 13:50

does anyone know a nice poem to put in it please.

OP posts:

eenybeeny · 08/06/2008 13:50

Can you go be with your son?

solo · 08/06/2008 13:52

I guess there is also the chance that she'll reject your Ds because he's(thank God)still alive and well and hers is not. I think you may need to be prepared for a lot of possible reactions from her and your son. He's probably also feeling that it could've been him. Awful situation all round.

Original poster

flossie64 · 08/06/2008 13:57

I can't go up there as I have a 5 yr old daughter aswell. My dh works 180 miles in the other direction,and just stared a new post last wednesday.
god life is difficult.
I will call my ds again tonght and he can come here anytime ,but iknow he will stay until at least after the funeral.
He has an apprenticeship so will not be able to be off work very long .
I am not even sure how much time off they will give him.

OP posts:

Kimi · 08/06/2008 14:09

So sorry for your loss, I think all you can do is send a card to his mother offering support and be there for your son.

What is rockness?

Aimsmum · 08/06/2008 14:26

Message withdrawn

Kimi · 08/06/2008 14:30

thank you aimsmum (I am getting old)

Such a sad loss of a young life

dippymother · 08/06/2008 17:19

Oh flossie, I am sorry for your loss.

If you come on to Eris' Thread for Bereaved Mummies, you will get a lot of support there, and a few laughs along the way, but plenty of good advice too. Some mums were bereaved a long time ago, some more recently but we have all been brought together due to sad circumstances.

I would definitely send a letter or card, it is at least acknowledging that you care about their grief. By not acknowledging, they may think you are ignoring it or don't care.

It must be a terrible shock for everyone, especially your DS. My son is 18 and he occasionally gets a bit emotional when we mention his older brother, it comes out at the most odd moments (he never actually knew his brother as he had died before my son was born).

I just know that all the people that wrote to me or phoned or sent a card, helped me through it. Obviously most of them had no idea what we were going through, but just to acknowledge that they were thinking of us was enough.

NotABanana · 08/06/2008 17:22

I have no idea what to say.

I would try hard to get some kind of communication to his mum. She must be devastated and will need all the support she can get. Especially if her H is not good like that.

Wisteria · 08/06/2008 17:27

here are some fitting quotes

and I'm so sorry

Saggarmakersbottomknocker · 08/06/2008 17:38

flossie - I'm so sorry.

I agree that you should send a card to his mum, maybe via your son. As far as your ds is concerned you just have to be there for him when he wants to talk. My dd lost a close friend a couple of years ago in very tragic circumstances. He was 12. dd was very strong and supported her other friends but she really felt the loss of him. She still does.

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