No one seems bothered by DM’s death

[JudiRuliani]

My elderly DM died recently and I’m struggling to process things. The strangest thing is that no one else seems upset - I know she was old and it wasn’t totally unexpected but I thought my siblings, dad, and her grandchildren would be more openly upset. They were upset on the day and maybe one or two after, but that’s it. No one talks about her at all.

Before dying she was worried about how one grandchild in particular would cope as they were very close.

Is this usual? I had an odd relationship with DM. She was very controlling and everything revolved around her, even communication between us all and I know I was caught up in FOG - now I’m feeling guilty that we’re not missing her in the way she expected.

I’m sorry it upsets you, but we all grieve differently and you don’t get to judge their grief. Ive never been particularly outwardly affected by death - I cry at the funeral and then for the most part just get back on with life. Obviously I haven’t had a parent or partner die, only grandparents and my favourite aunt/godmother. It still hurt a lot and I get sad if I think about my godmother who died young but for those who passed when old it’s just part of life. So why would I rail and beat my chest?

I was pleased when both my parents died. I hated them.

Give it time, OP, grief can be slow coming. I find I miss my DM more as the years pass. With some distance I can understand her better than when I was close up and dealing with her. You can still talk about her, and expect your family to listen to your feelings even if they don’t appear to share them.

People Greive in different ways
I lost my mum in January of this year
I was numb, for a few months and barely cried at her funeral
It's only in the last couple of months it's really hit and I'm able to cry for her now.

Grief isn’t a straight line and it doesn’t always make sense, especially for someone we have complicated feelings about. I’m sorry for your loss, op.