What to do with DH’s clothes?

[Pleasedontdothat]

It’s nearly two years since DH died suddenly and completely unexpectedly. The deathmin has been complicated but probate has finally been applied for. I desperately don’t want to leave my kids with the mess I was left - it wasn’t his fault, there was no reason to think he was about to die - so I am trying to declutter so there’s less for them to do when I die too. DH loved clothes and had several made to measure suits etc - however he was very tall and slim so not a standard size. They’re no use to our boys (one’s too short and muscly and the other is even taller and thinner) but I don’t want everything to deteriorate, shut up in cupboards and getting musty/moth-eaten. What have you done with a loved one’s clothes?

Charity Shop. You can pick one which was special to him. They will be very grateful - as will the customer who buys them and is the same shape but doesn't have much money and can never find clothes to fit.
It's a way to do a tiny bit of good that will spread out to so many different people, and stop his clothes going to waste

You could try charity shops or salvation army. Two years is a fair time but theirs no timetable for this. Sadly once we've gone our things that we've taken such care of are in reality just worthless junk to most people.

I've cleared up family houses after death and its sad but standing in amongst all those memories it hits you that your memories mean little to others. You may get something for objects but clothes, not really.

My thoughts are with you, in this difficult stage of your bereavement.

The majority of my DH’s clothes went to a Charity Shop supporting the Hospice where he died. The only thing I kept initially were a few of his favourite ties.

10 years later those ties also went to the Hospice along with his collection of first edition books that I had no interest in reading. I kept the ones I wanted to read.

The one thing I did when letting go of his possessions is photograph anything that he had particularly valued. So the memories are there if I should ever need them.

I hope you can find somewhere equally meaningful to you.

I know my mum took my step dads suits into a charity shop with all the suit covers on and I think they twigged what they were and were kind. I wonder if the suits might go somewhere a bit more special if they’re made to measure??? I’m thinking more a male equivalent of a dress agency but i don’t know if such a thing existed. Not as a “ Let’s make some money” way but finding someone really into their clothes. You could sell them online for a modest amount and then perhaps put the money towards a special event with your boys.

Have you thought about donating to a specific charity, such as one which supports young men returning from active duty, or mental health charity helping men back into the workplace. Some of the smaller possibly local groups often do work directly with people getting them back on their feet, and may feel less impersonal than just dropping off to a larger charity.

im not living in the UK, so cannot recommend anywhere but I donated all my good quality maternitywear to a local women’s shelter for example.

I gave his decent clothes and his bike to a homeless charity. It did make me feel a bit better. Take care.

A friend of mine who lost her husband unexpectedly donated his clothes to a Charity. She did ask that they did not sell them in the local branch as it would be upsetting for her daughter seeing someone else wearing her Dads clothes (his style was quite unique). They accepted them and them moved them to a branch in a City a good distance away. They said it was quite a common request.

I’ve found a charity in a nearby city which gives clothes to unemployed men to help them feel more confident at job interviews so I’m going to donate DH’s work clothes to them. I’ll take the rest to one of the mainstream charity shops in the local town.

I have seen before about making some items into a teddy. I’ll see if I can find a link.

This is it, am sure there are others.
https://www.lovekeepcreate.co.uk/?gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=22534784089&gclid=Cj0KCQjw5onGBhDeARIsAFK6QJZwWGpEYiRsCANTMuB55IxpAEQMh4SgEjOq-WzjGgHSgleE76fkBicaAvPIEALw_wcB

I’ve recently taken delivery of some oxfam bags which are good, I drop them off to the local post office who send via DPD (postage is free)

If you or someone you know is good with a sewing machine, making memory pillows out of a few items can be a way of keeping a bit of him close. My ex’s cousin made keepsakes for everyone from the grandparents clothes

One of my friends DH needed some new clothes so he had all the ‘everyday’ clothes, his suits, shirts etc are still hanging up - it’s on my list of things to do …..

This was going to be my suggestion. I work in an office building alongside a charity like this. I'm glad you found a similar place.

Think how happy a tall, slim man looking for a suit for his first job interview will be when he finds a really good one that fits him well. That will give him such a boost.

For the ‘nice’ suits is there a charity that do prom clothes for those who can’t afford them? (I know there are some for prom dresses) a lot of young 18yo’s are tall and slim these days so that may suit them

How wonderful to find a good charity.
Don't worry about time. Took me 4 years to sort my husband's stuff out and he was ill for a number of years before he died so I did have time to mentally prepare. Hope you're doing ok.

Just to say, the advice I give to colleagues is to try and sort out clothing asap as things like shoes will deteriorate. Do it with a friend, when I helped to sort out the wardrobes of a friend’s parents, I had to talk her out of going through her mother’s underwear drawer. Yes, you can give a lot to charity, but consider using some items to make memory quilts, eg, t shirts or shirts or a teddy bear if you have younger children, especially a tweed jacket.

Next, if you are donating, give it to places a town away, as you do not want to see your mum’s favourite coat bobbing down the High Street.

Finally, think about decluttering your own goods… I was 42 when my mum died and one of the dresses in her wardrobe was a maternity dress she wore when she was expecting me, so you have an idea of how much there was!

Ties are usually made out of beautiful cloth. I have a lovely shoulder bag made out of a patchwork of old ties.

I helped clear out my friend’s flat and we gave multiple bin bags of clothes to local charities. She had an awful lot of stuff and if I hadn’t have helped her daughter, she would have had to do it all on her own, so well done in de-cluttering now. We also had a car boot sale with some of her camping items as they were good quality things, think that made around £400.

In our area there is a charity that provides outfits for those going for interviews/starting work. They have several hours with a stylist putting together interview outfits (they keep it) and if successful return to be kitted out with several work outfits.
Your suits would ideal for such a charity.

Is there a homeless charity in your area that provides meals/clothing? They'd probably very much welcome your clothes.

It took DM 30 years (and 2 major house moves) to get rid of DDad’s clothes. She kept his kilt, trilby and Gladstone cloak (Sherlock Holmes coat). She ended up throwing out some moth eaten jumpers. Gave a lot to the hospice shop. i like the idea of passing on the suits to charities like Suited and Booted who help low income people going for interviews.

Clearly my family are quite robust and forthright. Even MIL who holds onto stuff.

The deceased clothes get sorted and sent straight to charity after the funeral. It's regarded as an essential job. I heard about it as a tiny girl when great grandad died and grandma and mother dealt with his clothes.

SIL2 did it with MIL after he died suddenly. BIL very sensibly said keep two pairs of shoes and two caps and keep one set at the back door and one at the front as you are on your own now.

My mother has always said it's part of the grieving process.

And your post is helpful in what way??

Because it encourages you to crack on and deal with an issue that's bothering you.

I am very sorry for your loss.

Well it doesn’t and if you’d bothered to read the thread you’d have seen that I’ve already got a solution