I miss my mum so much……

[Kickingasssince72]

DM died fairly suddenly at 79, 3 years ago, DF died 6 months later. I was very very close to my mum, and I still can’t believe she’s gone.

I’ve muddled through, tried not to bring everyone down, rushed through my grief some might say.

Now my second marriage is going down the pan fast, I feel like he didn’t support me through a horrific time and can’t see a way forward (it’s not our only issue, the final straw as it were).

All I can think about is how much harder it’s going to be divorcing without my mum by my side.

Been on the verge of tears all day at work, it’s so bloody hard.

I just needed to say this really. Great friends around me but I feel like a broken record, and everyone has their own issues to deal with at this age.

My mum died suddenly 3 years ago - such a shock for us all as she was fit and well. I’m glad for the way she went though - she’d have hated to need looking after. I would never have been ready to let her go even if I live to 103. But I tell myself I was lucky to have her for as long as I did, and to have shared the relationship I had with her.

I miss her every day and still think of how delighted she sounded to hear from me when I phoned her.
Youre far from alone, OP, keep posting. We are all here together, on a journey none of us wanted to take xx

My mum died 8 years ago now. The grief substantially subsided about 6 years. Year 3 and 5 were horrific. I'm just about to go through another big life change and I've realised those are the times the grief becomes unbearable again. Also when you are doing something lovely and you get a quick flash of what your mum would be doing if she was with you. I'm so sorry.

I’m so sorry for your loss. Your mom sounds like an incredible woman and an Incredible mother 💐

I hope it goes as well as it can today @Tolkienwasright. I was in your position last week. I survived it. Just about. Felt horrific for the following couple of days.

Three and a half years on from my mum’s death I still miss her and have a little cry. And for Dad. They weren’t even the easiest of parents.. there was often conflict. But boy do I miss them and wish I’d told them I love them
more often than I did.

I get it xx

Agree. I lost my mum about 18 months ago. Fairly suddenly. My partner didnt support me either. Both of his parents are alive and kicking and he seems quite sanguine about it. Just wait...

Everyone is supportive in the immediate aftermath but then I found after a while no one really cared. Of course you keep functioning. I remember being really freaked out on a holiday because I wondered if she knew where I was/ where I'd gone. I remember looking out of the plane window at the vast expanse of the earth and realising there was nowhere i could go to find her. No matter how far I travelled id never find her.

It's a horrible feeling

So sorry to hear of your loss op. It's so hard.

I lost my mum 6 years ago. I miss her everyday and I'm not the same. I feel very down each year, about 3 weeks before big events like her birthday or 'death day'. I've accepted that I'll feel that way and plan accordingly.

Like other posters I also miss her at happy events. It was my DD's birthday recently and I just thought 'mum should be here'. She would have loved DD.

I think it definitely hits you at big life changes again. I'm pregnant and already sad mum will never get to meet my baby. She would have loved being a grandmother and my children will never quite appreciate how amazing she was.

These times definitely test a relationship. I'm not sure what I would have done without DH when she died. I'm sorry you haven't had more support. It's not easy to support someone but your partner stepping up really matters.

I hope things look a little brighter for you soon. You don't stop missing them but learn to cope with the grief as time goes on. Try to focus on the happy times. I'm very lucky to have lots of happy memories to look back on.

I found Hope Endleman's books Motherless Daughters and Motherless Mothers helpful.

I lost my Mum 9 months ago. I'm existing like a zombie, I do what I have to do, go to work, look after my family, all wearing a mask. I cry every day in private and miss her so much I can't describe it - but I think you'll all get that?
For me, I feel that I've not had chance to grieve properly (my work's busiest time is in the run up to Christmas, so I had the week off after she died, the the day of the funeral & the following day) and life is so busy juggling work, house & looking after multiple grandchildren. My daughter's marriage has just broken down and I need my mum to give me a cuddle.

I remember one day absolutely feeling that in tears
Saying ' I don't know where you are ' over and over.
It is truly terrible to feel so lost.

Sometimes tho, I touch like my arms or pat my body and think wow she's right here.
I'm an actual physical part of her. It's quite comforting and amazing.

Hope that makes sense xxx

@Tcateh I used to flinch a bit when people told me I looked like my mum. Now she's gone I actually think 'yeah, I do a bit', and feel quite comforted.

@faffadoodledo

Yes now mum's not here, seeing resemblance does have a comfort. I've always looked more like my dad, but now in my 50s I see mum more.

It's also weird lol. Now she's not here to see someone in the mirror with characteristics the same.
Just hadn't noticed much before.

Xx

Not really, I wish could be

Thank you for the love! I was so proud of myself - held it together, head high, many (but silent) tears. My wonderful DH held me together. Mum would have been proud too.

My heartfelt sympathy to all of you going through this. I know it’s a cliche but you really are not alone.

I’m so sorry and sending you a big hug. I lost my mom almost 23 years ago a few weeks after the birth of my first child. I understand that gut wrenching feeling. It’s so painful and someone said to me once you never get over it you just get used to it. I would say it took me about 5 yrs to get to this stage. I truly wish I’d had some grief counselling at the time but never did. If I were you I would consider it.

I want to say how sorry I am and I truly understand. My mum died 17 years ago and I miss her terribly, it's like part of me is missing. She gave so much and loved us so much. Life can be so hard.

T - awful