I miss my mum so much……

[Kickingasssince72]

DM died fairly suddenly at 79, 3 years ago, DF died 6 months later. I was very very close to my mum, and I still can’t believe she’s gone.

I’ve muddled through, tried not to bring everyone down, rushed through my grief some might say.

Now my second marriage is going down the pan fast, I feel like he didn’t support me through a horrific time and can’t see a way forward (it’s not our only issue, the final straw as it were).

All I can think about is how much harder it’s going to be divorcing without my mum by my side.

Been on the verge of tears all day at work, it’s so bloody hard.

I just needed to say this really. Great friends around me but I feel like a broken record, and everyone has their own issues to deal with at this age.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your mum, my gran passed 6 years ago ( she brought me up) and the pain still feels like yesterday and like the world has moved on and I'm still not ready too. Talk about your mum here x

Oh I am so sorry, there isnt any limitations to grief you will miss her forever, and then your marraige that must be so painful to negotiate.

Have you tried grief councilling I know my friend has been going for a while and says it really helps her, she was like you and said she didn't want to bother people after a while.

I am so sorry, I understand how you feel.

I lost my wonderful lovely Mum suddenly 4 years ago. One minute she was here and was fine and then she was gone. It has been a really awful few years coping with not having her unconditional love and support at times when I have really, really needed her (eldest DD moved abroad, youngest DD went to uni, perimenopause etc) It has made me miss her so so much.

I think going through times where I would normally have had her to talk to, for a shoulder to cry on, and for her unwavering support and not having her has been really hard at times. It makes me so sad also to think of the things she has missed that she would have loved to see.

4 years on and I still find it hard to believe sometimes that I will never see her again. Grief sucks.

Sending hugs x

One of the saddest things I've ever heard was in a quiet moment sitting with my 80 year old mum when she said 'I miss my mum' - she had passed away more than 40 odd years ago, I don't think it's something you ever get over and it has really been quite recent for you.
I'm so sorry that you're struggling and going through a tough time, it's true that we all have our own problems but I'm sure your friends don't mind you offloading xx

Can’t believe the kind comments on here so quickly, thanks so much all of you. Made me cry again!!
mMy lovely mum was a Londoner, swore like a trouper, put everyone before herself, including my dad, to her own detriment. She adored all 5 of her DGC and 3 DGGC, she knitted little hats for premature babies and donated them to hospitals. She was glamorous and stylish. She had a great sense of humour. She was incredibly proud of me, even though I’ve not exactly set the world alight in any way! My DF was terminally ill for several years and I thought me and DM would get some time, just us after he’d gone, but she went first, and she was so bloody brave when they withdrew treatment in intensive care after all efforts to get her back on her feet had been exausted.

My thoughts are with all of you that know how this feels, some days it knocks me off my feet the pain.

Oh and I’m in therapy for all sorts of things- this is just one of them!!

Just wanted to send my sympathy Op. I lost my mum 10 years ago and it’s been one of the hardest things I have had to go through.

It took me a long long time before I stopped think8ng ‘oh, I’ll just give mum a quick call’ , only to remember that I couldn’t.

It’s lovely that you do have such lovely memories of your dear mum and her pride in you. And that’s a lovely thing she did, knitting for the preemies , you can be rightly proud of her.

No words of wisdom, just an acknowledgement of how special,your love for your mum is.💐

It must be something about Londoners, my fabulous dad was as rough as you like, a big built giant with hands like shovels who knitted blankets for premature babies and little squares for the mums to put in their bras so the babies could smell their mummies. We lost him 2 years ago this week and I miss him terribly.
Your mum sounds fabulous !

My sympathies too, I lost mine in 2018 and my dad 5 months later then my ltr broke down, possibly the grief had a lot to do with it, I’ve never been the same and Mother’s Day and special days hit me like a train, when I’ve got a problem she’d be who I’d turn to and it’s hard that I can no longer do that, i like my own space abit too much these days but realise in the past it was my mum who’d fill it and I miss that and think I alway will, I also think once you’ve lost your mum anything else after that you just deal with best you can.

I’m so sorry, OP. I lost my mum just over three years ago after a horrendous three years trying to support her with dementia. In many ways I feel just as bereft today as I did the day she died. In some ways it’s worse because it was almost a relief when she died because it meant that her fear and suffering was over.

Im not sure many of us can ever get over losing our mums. It was a terrible shock when my dad died 35 years ago, and I was heartbroken and still miss him. I always expected that it woukd be worse when I lost my mum because she was in my life for so much longer, and she was my mum, but nothing could have prepared me for just how hard it’s been. I know I did all I could to help and support her over the last 20 years of her life when she started to need a bit more help, but I have so many regrets, and remember every thoughtless word over the years. It saddened me beyond words when no-one else even remembered the anniversary of her death this year, and only my sister in law remembered her birthday.

I know exactly how you feel OP, and I hope you start to feel better in time xx

I'm so sorry lovely.
I lost my mum coming up 2 yrs ago, stage 4 cancer with only a few months heads up till she died.

I haven't got anything remotely comforting to say, but I do know very much how you're feeling.
Like my sister said, it's mainly existing in the aftermath.

Just know that we know.

Hugest hugs to you. Find your peace in small things if you can. Xxxx

@Tcateh existing in the aftermath is spot on. It’s made me feel like people that still have their DM’s don’t get it and are in for a terrible shock.

Seriously, thanks to each and everyone of you that took time out of your day to make me feel less alone, I really do appreciate it.

Sending you so much love. My mum died 3 years ago and the other night I had such a cry. I was watching SVU of all things and just the scene of Olivia going to her mum’s grave brought it all back. I went through photos, just anything that made me feel closer to her. This is bereavement.

Hugs from a far too hot Norfolk. My mum died in March 2024 and I miss her every day. She also knitted hats for tiny babies. She knitted all sorts really - lots of toys for my two DC - giraffes, wonky penguins, tigers. Bereavement is so hard and especially when you feel alone. My mum was one of my best friends and life is so much greyer without her.

Your all so lucky, having time near the end is so valuable.my mum was 56 she thought she was getting better but was the last day to say goodbye to ppl. Your body gives one last push to do what you want before death takes over
An is not easy or nice. Anyone who experiences final days has my understanding an happy to process with.x

Why is everyone so lucky?

My mum died very suddenly four years ago and I miss her so much, life just isn’t the same. I don’t think there will ever be a day that I don’t miss her to be honest. I’d love her to see how handsome and compassionate my now-6 year old ds has turned out. I’d love her to know he still remembers her even though he was only 2.5 yo when she died

I’m so sorry you lost your mum too. Nothing fills the void but some days you can put the thoughts aside and still function.

If a divorce will make you feel better then go for it. It could be a path to loneliness or a path to “oneliness” (the state of being on your own but not actively lonely). Either way it may be better than seething within an unsatisfying marriage.

What do you think your mum would advise you to do?

Why is everyone so lucky?

In answer to your question, I said "your all so lucky, having time near the end is so valuable." Meaning exactly that. Some people loose a loved one without warning, having that time to say goodbye is valuable, in my opinion with regards to loosing my mum. I'm sorry if this offends you.

Sorry OP, and everyone here who misses their mums. I’m in tears reading this. I just want to get in the car with my mum and go out and wander around the shops with her, and not have to make small talk, and just be myself, completely myself, knowing that she has my back and accepts me for who I am. I miss her so much. I’m not the same person anymore. I’m more hard, and life just isn’t as good without her.

It’s my mum’s funeral today. I’m just trying to stay upright.

My DM is 78 and says often how much she misses her mum. I don't think that sense of loss will ever go.

My DF has stage 4 cancer, they can't treat it now. I've no idea how my DM will manage without him and they live a few hours away from me.

Sending you a virtual hug @Kickingasssince72It's good you've got supportive friends. You're loved. Bask in that friendship, enjoy the moment, your DM wouldn't like you to be unhappy.

And the same to all of your. Mums only want the best for us so be happy, make your lives full of joy whatever it takes. Make your mum proud by filling your life with sunshine and not regrets.

I'm so sorry OP. Your mum sounds like she was an amazing woman and mother. This thread has made me cry. My DF died three months ago and I was awake in the night crying. I don't really have anything useful to say but just wanted to say I understand and think you are being very strong- it's very hard your marriage ending too. As others have said, I really miss having someone to talk to about my problems. Hugs.

Miss mine too.

Shr died 20 years ago. When l feel down or upset l still just want her.

You adapt but you don’t forget.

I'm so sorry, OP . I know this is horribly trite but I'm saying it in the most heartfelt way - how lucky you are to have had such a wonderful mother. I know it doesn't help with the feelings of loss and grief, but she gave you the most precious start in life. She gave you the strength to get through your divorce. Mumsnet will also be here to help you with that.

Wishing love and strength to you today @Tolkienwasright ❤