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Waiting for the GP - my Dad passed away at 6pm

47 replies

stravagante · 10/07/2025 22:38

The title says it all. Dad was on end of life care with terminal lung cancer. He'd gone downhill quite rapidly and I had been on holiday for a week with Mum giving me limited updates - she didn't want to upset me. Bless her.
Got back on monday and was making plans to come up. He was poorly last night and I thought right, I need to be there. Headed up. Mum called to say he was going to the hospice tomorrow. She was really upset. I got there and the nurses were being very kind but had said that they felt the end was approaching. He was struggling to breathe and in pain despite painkillers. I called my brother and told him to come. Mum, brother and I all sat with him and chatted around him. His breathing got slower and slower and his colour changed and he slipped away. It was a blessing but my heart is broken.
I called the GP surgery at 6pm as we need someone to verify the death. Ive chased twice since then and no one has come. The nursing team were only interested in the syringe driver. I just want someone to verify his death so that I can tell the funeral parlour as I want him collected with dignity. I have sent Mum to my brothers because the thought of Dad upstairs was upsetting her. Its just me - my partner is down South in our house as we didn't realise it was so critical.
It is rubbish. I just wanted to put it somewhere anonymous.
Dad, you gave me your sense of humour and your love of reading...and probably your dyslexia. We will miss you so much.

OP posts:
Notuntrustworthy · 10/07/2025 22:59

Could his palliative care team help - did he have a cancer care specialist? I think it's pretty awful the GP not coming for so long, especially as you say in the heat.

stravagante · 10/07/2025 23:02

Thank you so much as well for sharing your experiences. It is really comforting. There is a selfish part of me that just wants this horrible bit done and dusted.
I can't face going into the room- the difference in him from when he passed to when I came back in from calling the GP earlier shocked me and I am worried that he will look worse now.

OP posts:
Ohthatsabitshit · 10/07/2025 23:06

Poor you but in some ways such an honour to see it through for him. I hope I can die at home with people who love me. Look after yourselves grief is exhausting.

Tcateh · 10/07/2025 23:07

I'm really sorry @stravagantefor the loss of your dad.
My mum died at home and I am certain a very high up nurse came to confirm the loss.
Mum was under st Luke's at home care tho so I'm not sure if that has anything to do with it.

What a terribly hard and sad day for you.
I hope you get help soon. Xxxx

Appletrig · 10/07/2025 23:08

Sorry for your loss Op, I hope you get help soon. You did your dad proud today and he was very lucky to have you x

Tcateh · 10/07/2025 23:10

Just thinking, it's a beautiful full moon here in Devon, could you go outside into the cool air with a cuppa and try to pace your thoughts?
It's not wrong to want this bit over with, it's all an unknown and the practical stuff suddenly becomes the focus.

Xxx

stravagante · 10/07/2025 23:10

The doc has been! He was ever so sweet and was here less than five mins.

Funeral folk will call back shortly so hopefully I will be able to lie down at some point.

Going to go outside and try to cool off. It is sweltering here.

I didn't think I was superstitious but I really dont want to go up to the guest bedroom next door to my poor dad just now.

OP posts:
Notaripoff · 10/07/2025 23:12

I'm so sorry for your loss @stravagante

Cheepcheepcheep · 10/07/2025 23:16

Oh god OP I’m completely useless but thinking of you right now. Go into the cooler air and breathe. We’re all here with you my love x

TimeForABreak4 · 10/07/2025 23:16

I'm so sorry for your loss, sending lots of love and strength.

N0Tfunny · 10/07/2025 23:27

stravagante · 10/07/2025 23:10

The doc has been! He was ever so sweet and was here less than five mins.

Funeral folk will call back shortly so hopefully I will be able to lie down at some point.

Going to go outside and try to cool off. It is sweltering here.

I didn't think I was superstitious but I really dont want to go up to the guest bedroom next door to my poor dad just now.

It’s probably not superstition, just that it’s a very strange situation that most of us face very rarely ( thank fully ). You don’t know how you will feel until you are in it.

It’s your dad but not your dad - how doesn’t anyone know what to think or feel! I remember feeling very lost, I didn’t really know what to do next while I was waiting. I longed for a road map or list of instruction, someone to say “ go and do this then that” .

Even when the death is expected, it’s still awful shock. Even when you are glad the suffering is over for them.

I hope you are able to get some rest tonight. 💐

stravagante · 10/07/2025 23:27

They're coming to collect Dad within the hour. A much better time frame.

I am outside in my Mum's lovely wee garden looking at the stars. Thank you again for your kind words. It really helps.

OP posts:
Appletrig · 10/07/2025 23:32

Bless you. Post on here anytime even when he’s gone. There’s always someone here for a handhold x

N0Tfunny · 10/07/2025 23:32

Oh that’s good, I’m glad you have a timescale.

Will your mum stay at your brothers and if so, will you be alone in the house tonight ? Are you ok with that ?

HelloDaisy · 10/07/2025 23:33

I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope it brings you comfort that you were all with him at the end of his life and you have helped get this step sorted for him.

sending peace and love to you x

MarxistMags · 10/07/2025 23:35

My condolences to you all. I'm glad for you that the Doctor has been at last.
Did you open the window in Dad's room ? It's to let the soul leave. It's an old fashioned idea but a nice ritual to observe.

SkalengeckOrSiegbarste · 10/07/2025 23:39

Hope you manage to get some sleep soon. Well done for being so strong for your mum. It helped me to stay busy after my dad passed, lots of sorting, organising, list making. It made me feel useful and kept my mind busy.

stravagante · 10/07/2025 23:43

I will open the window but not until after he's gone. Honestly there was a horrible change in him after 10 mins or so, he looked cadaverous. It is just the muscles relaxing and all the parts of a functioning body stopping, but I don't want to see it.

Im hoping to persuade Mum to come down South with me for a bit. We can go to the seaside and it is going to be cooler weather-wise. I think it would be good to give her some space. My bro is on holiday for a week with the family as of Saturday and he's the local one.

If she won't come down South then I will stay here. But I think I might melt..it is wickedly hot.

Thank you again folks. It is so much appreciated.

OP posts:
babbi · 10/07/2025 23:47

I’m so terribly sorrry for your loss .
Take care of yourself x

Latenightreader · 11/07/2025 00:56

stravagante · 10/07/2025 23:10

The doc has been! He was ever so sweet and was here less than five mins.

Funeral folk will call back shortly so hopefully I will be able to lie down at some point.

Going to go outside and try to cool off. It is sweltering here.

I didn't think I was superstitious but I really dont want to go up to the guest bedroom next door to my poor dad just now.

I understand that feeling. I sat with my Grandad for a while afterwards, but once I'd left the room I couldn't go back in. He stopped looking like himself and you could see his spirit had gone.

There is a government leaflet called 'What to do after a death' which I found really useful. It gives a list of who to contact and what steps need to be taken. It felt like a bit of a relief to be told what to do. We had a paper copy, but I think it can be downloaded, if that would be helpful.

I hope you can get some rest tonight. You have done all you can for him for the moment. Look after yourself.

Travelfairy · 11/07/2025 04:17

So sorry for your loss xxx

hhtddbkoygv · 11/07/2025 05:36

So sorry for your loss OP. My uncle passed in similar circumstances and we had the paramedics come out and verify his death almost immediately.
He's out of pain.

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