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Waiting for the GP - my Dad passed away at 6pm

47 replies

stravagante · 10/07/2025 22:38

The title says it all. Dad was on end of life care with terminal lung cancer. He'd gone downhill quite rapidly and I had been on holiday for a week with Mum giving me limited updates - she didn't want to upset me. Bless her.
Got back on monday and was making plans to come up. He was poorly last night and I thought right, I need to be there. Headed up. Mum called to say he was going to the hospice tomorrow. She was really upset. I got there and the nurses were being very kind but had said that they felt the end was approaching. He was struggling to breathe and in pain despite painkillers. I called my brother and told him to come. Mum, brother and I all sat with him and chatted around him. His breathing got slower and slower and his colour changed and he slipped away. It was a blessing but my heart is broken.
I called the GP surgery at 6pm as we need someone to verify the death. Ive chased twice since then and no one has come. The nursing team were only interested in the syringe driver. I just want someone to verify his death so that I can tell the funeral parlour as I want him collected with dignity. I have sent Mum to my brothers because the thought of Dad upstairs was upsetting her. Its just me - my partner is down South in our house as we didn't realise it was so critical.
It is rubbish. I just wanted to put it somewhere anonymous.
Dad, you gave me your sense of humour and your love of reading...and probably your dyslexia. We will miss you so much.

OP posts:
HappyHedgehog247 · 10/07/2025 22:41

I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you hear back from the GP soon, and I'm glad you all got to be with your dad.

PerfectPennyKilledMyHusband · 10/07/2025 22:41

Sending you a massive hug OP. It sounds like you are looking after everyone and putting everyone else first, please take care of yourself too. When my dad passed I focused all my energy on looking after my mum, because of that it didn't really hit me straight away. Months later I was absolutely floored by the grief because I just hadn't processed it.

It's utterly shit losing a parent and I'm sorry you're going through this xx

Outofthemoonlight · 10/07/2025 22:41

sorry for your loss.

As it has been nearly five hours I’d ring the medical non-emergency line. I think it’s 111…?

Whatatodo79 · 10/07/2025 22:44

I'm so sorry OP. It's good you're family were all together at the end. As for now is it worth phoning 111 and making sure the job to verify the death has been put to the out of hours team?

stravagante · 10/07/2025 22:45

Outofthemoonlight · 10/07/2025 22:41

sorry for your loss.

As it has been nearly five hours I’d ring the medical non-emergency line. I think it’s 111…?

Thank you for your kind words.

I have called 111 three times. It is really poor. :( I am normally one to be supportive of our health services and I know that this isn't an emergency any more, but it is horrible to think of him up in his room as it is so hot. I am trying to think about it as little as possible.

Thank you for the advice about looking after me. I am a doer and I love distraction as a coping strategy but you're right, I need to make sure I am processing things properly.

It is all rubbish isn't it?

OP posts:
Avalovelace · 10/07/2025 22:45

yes, do call 111. This is exactly what they are there for and they will arrange for an OOH GP to visit.
sorry for your loss, sending strength.

JazzyBBBG · 10/07/2025 22:47

So sorry. Could the hospice help speed things up at all?

PerfectPennyKilledMyHusband · 10/07/2025 22:48

It is, really really rubbish.

If it helps you to keep busy then do that by all means, but just take care of yourself. Do you have a partner or a good support network?

MNpenisadvisor · 10/07/2025 22:49

If he is at home call the police and they will sort it. When my dad died at home the police had to attend.

murasaki · 10/07/2025 22:49

So sorry for your loss. I would have thought the hospice might be able to help, I hope you get the dignified solution that he deserves.

Dartmoorcheffy · 10/07/2025 22:50

So sorry for your loss. Could the funeral home advise or be able to contact a doctor maybe?

NanaRoseUK · 10/07/2025 22:51

I'm so sorry, love. You were there when it mattered most — that’s a gift to him. It’s heartbreaking and unfair, and the waiting makes it worse. But you did right by your dad. He’d be proud. Sending you love and strength. You’re not alone. xx

Fridaynightfish · 10/07/2025 22:51

I am so so sorry for your loss @stravagante, and I’m sorry you are having to wait for so long on your own.

It might be worthwhile speaking to the funeral home - when my mum died they were such an amazing source of support and advice. They really took care of us. We used a local family run one.

Cadenza12 · 10/07/2025 22:52

So sorry for your loss. This is a difficult time. My DH died at home recently and the hospice nurse filled out a form for the funeral directors, which they didn't want anyway. Did phone 111 and they literally had no idea. Have you phoned the funeral director? We phoned at 3.00 am and they came at 5.00.am

BluesandClues · 10/07/2025 22:53

Oh jeez, that is poor indeed. Is there a hospice at home programme? In our area they have nurses on call for drivers and other bits that crop up over night.

Rainallnight · 10/07/2025 22:54

I’m so sorry for your loss. My dad died in hospital and my mum died in a hospice so this problem has actually never occurred to me.

Is there a way for you to think about it differently? He’s at peace now, and you have this rare few hours of nothing to do when you can reflect, grieve, think about things…you could even go and sit with him for a while. I sat with my mum for a while after she died (hospice) and I told her all the things I’d not been able to tell her when she was alive!

Not meaning to minimise your distress at all, just suggesting ways to deal with it as it’s all outside your control now.

HedwigIsMySpiritAnimal · 10/07/2025 22:54

So sorry for your loss. My bestie died at home and I don’t remember getting anyone to verify death - we just called the funeral directors who were amazing. Maybe they can help?

Latenightreader · 10/07/2025 22:54

The wait is awful, I remember it with my grandfather a few years ago. I agree that the hospice may have access to an on call doctor who may be able to help.

Your Dad was surrounded by the love of his family at the end. Sometimes that is all we can do, keep them company while they pass. I am so sorry for your loss.

BatFeminist · 10/07/2025 22:54

I’m so sorry for your loss.

I was in the same situation and did as you did. Eventually I realised that it had its own timeframe which was out of my control. Sorry you are going through it.

mrsfollowill · 10/07/2025 22:56

have you called 999- I had to do this when my mum died. I knew she was dead she was stone cold and stiff (went overnight - not 'ill' just old and was unexpected) Ambulance came then police then the coroners who took her away to the hospital morgue. Funeral director has to have a specific set of paperwork so wouldn't be able to attend yet. With my dad he was on end of life but the GP came. So sorry it's the last thing you need at this awful time Flowers

Tiredandtiredagain · 10/07/2025 22:56

Sorry for your loss xx

KnickerlessParsons · 10/07/2025 22:56

When my dad died in the night the GP didn’t come until mid next morning.

Craftysue · 10/07/2025 22:57

I'm sorry for your loss. I'm glad your dad had his family around him and passed peacefully at home with the people he loved.
I hope you don't have too long to wait - maybe give your funeral director a call for some advice

TheChosenTwo · 10/07/2025 22:57

Oh Op 😭
I’m so sorry, the loss of your wonderful dad.
No advice only to say I’d never considered who might help if you died ‘out of hours’ as it were.
Police might be a good shout even though maybe it’s a terrible waste of their resources but I can totally understand you want him dealt with with dignity and in this heat it ought to be sooner rather than later.
sending kind thoughts to you and I’m glad that you made it back in time for him.
Hope help of any description is on its way now and if not now then very soon 💐

stravagante · 10/07/2025 22:57

He was on an end of life pathway, so his death was expected which means we just need someone to verify. We dont need the police thankfully as a post mortem won't be required.

I called (and cried to) a direct funeral service who I need to call back when we have had the doctor out as they can't take Dad until then.

I will call 111 again shortly. I just want to get to sleep as well. Thank you for your kindness folks. It is truly helping me.

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