My darling dad

[Beelady1]

We sadly and very unexpectedly lost my wonder dad yesterday. I don’t really know why I’m writing this is just feel so shocked, heartbroken and devastated. My poor son adored him and in absolutely broken. I am trying so hard to stay strong infront of him but I just can’t stop crying or just feel completely numb, like I am in a horrible cycle. I can’t stop hearing my dad’s voice and seeing how he was yesterday. We have to wait for PM now and so many unanswered questions. For context he had electively surgery just over a week ago, he had a few complication the initial days but was starting to turn a corner Monday and Tuesday. The doctors said his bloods were all going in the right direction they kept telling us he will get better it’s just taking a little longer for him. I could see the fear in my dad and that is haunting me. He then had a sudden cardiac arrest yesterday morning. I am a nurse my self and kept asking all the question I kept saying something doesn’t feel right and I feel I have failed him and my family. My poor mum and sisters are all just have devastating. He was only 70 and usually fit and well and had so much life to live and we all had so much love to give him. I just want my dad

My dad passed away at 59, I was only 28 at the time. Grief is the ultimate price you pay when you love someone that much…it hurts physically and mentally. You eventually learn to live with the pain, I still think about my dad daily and you will too (that’s because they were the best dads we could have ever wished for). What I will say is don’t hide your grief and don’t rush it. It’s a journey. Take it from someone who had to have months off work 5 years later after he died because I’d do anything to distract myself and it eventually caught up with me.

all my friends have their dads still, some of the dads don’t see them. I remind myself that I was so fortunate to have such an amazing dad, it might have been not as long as I wanted him here for but I was so so so grateful that he was always there for me.

look after yourself

Oh goodness I’m so so sorry for the loss of your lovely dad. He lives on in you and his grandchildren.

I’m so sorry OP. It’s just enormous and horrific. I promise it won’t always feel like this, and you are not alone. You’re in shock right now and you need to just keep your body going, if that makes sense. The very basics are enough right now. Thinking of you x

I am 35 myself and I just feel horrendously broken. I have a partner, son, 3 sisters and my mum as well as my sisters partners/husband and nieces and nephews all around. But I’ve never felt so lonely. I really want to feel him around me I just keep getting constant flash backs of fond memories of him but that just devastates me that I’ll never get anymore with him.
im so sorry for your loss, none of my close friends have fortunately never lost a parent but a couple of them their dads aren’t around and I’m so thankful I had one of the best ones. I’m just not ready to say goodbye

I'm so sorry OP. I know exactly how u feel, I also lost my dad suddenly, he was 55, I was 29 (6 years ago) and my two children were only 5&3 at the time so just awful. Mum was devastated, whole family couldn't believe it. He died 2 weeks before Christmas, had been on his Christmas works party on the Saturday night and died the Monday morning in his sleep. Awaiting the PM was awful,.not knowing,. speculating between us, was it his heart? His brain? He wasn't poorly beforehand was he? Or was he? It's torture. We found out 3 days after Christmas it was indeed his heart. I refused to accept it as I was still in denial and I actually requested a copy of the PM via the coroner and it was sent to me 2 weeks later. A very hard read but it did give a lot of information, any past medical issues, the circumstances around his death, any tests outstanding, and of course the PM findings which was awful to read but for me, necessary to understand and get some sort of closure? My mum never read it and refuses now which is absolutely fine that's her choice, as was mine to request it, so there is that option if you're having a hard time understanding it all and if you're anything like me you need to know the details to understand why something has happened.

Sorry I understand this comment was very me me me but I just wanted to show how I understand the shock of it and how I personally dealt with it which might help you.

@HarLace1 thank you so much for your nmesage. It’s just so so devastating, I don’t want to believe it but know I have too.
waiting fir the pm is horrible the thought of it and waiting for the results. My fear is it was a PE as I kept saying I’m worried he was at risk. And the guilt I didn’t push it is just crushing me, I have physical pain I just can’t shift but equally don’t want to as the numb phases if feeling nothing are just as horrendous. I just need to know everything and as hard as it’ll be to read the report. I think I need too.
im so sorry you have had to live this horrible journey too. And do not apologise about talking about your own experience. I do not want anyone to have to feel this or suffer like this but it is somewhat comforting hearing these stories and reaching out to others so thank you x

I am so so sorry for your loss. I have just signed up to specifically respond to you as I was exactly where you were last year. My dad went in for an operation and was initially doing well same as yours it was all going in the right direction and well the worst happened obviously. I agree with the sentiment I still want my dad and even though it has been a whole year I am coping better but some things are so hard especially as it now a year of firsts and this time last year thoughts. The only I can say is take it one day at a time… might be a bad day, might be an ok day but just take each day as it comes. My thoughts are with you and your family you all need each other so much right now. I found the wave scenario was quite accurate at first the waves of grief are hard and fast and you can barely stand, you can look it up which would explain it better than me. Another thing that has stuck with me is to let your emotions out…grief is the love we want to show and give and well we can’t in the way we did before. I hope some of these messages give you some comfort and I’m thinking of you

I’m so, so sorry for your loss. Sending some you some love and strength 🌺

@PurpleSunflowerz thank you so much for signing up to respond. The comfort and loving messages I have received from strangers is so so appreciated that people care. I’m so sorry to hear you have lost your dad in very similar circumstances last year, I hope you’re starting to heal. What you’re explaining with the waves is grief is absolutely how I’m feeling right now. I hate that anyone else has had to feel like this but I do find it comforting to know I’m not alone and to know I won’t always feel this raw. I know that deep down but I also don’t want time to move as then I am further away from when I last saw him alive. It’s just heartbreaking and he had so much more life to live, he wasn’t ready for this, none of us were. I suppose you never are, it just feels to sudden and to soon. And you’re absolutely right, all these tears, emotion and pain is all the love I so desperately want to give my dad.

I saw your other message that you are 35, I was the same age and I’m 36 now it’s daft and I know you shouldn’t compare but I felt a bit lost too as I didn’t know anyone my age who was in the same situation my brothers and sister are all a lot older than me, I felt cheated to be honest. I would recommend Cruse as well, they really helped me once I felt ready to open up and start trying to process. But you have a community on here that does know what your going through xx

I’m so sorry for your loss, it’s so brutal. I lost my Dad at 62 in the space of a couple of days - it should have been fine. This was before I even had kids so it tears me up on the daily that he was never a Grandad and my girlies with never know their Grandad 💔 life feels very very unfair at times. I hope you can find comfort at this time as you go through the awful route to his funeral and beyond. If I’m honest, my grieving process only turned to healing a year later when my best friend lost her Mum unexpectedly and I realised life just isn’t fair. This was compounded a couple of years later when - through my firstborn - I met a couple of close friends who lost parents too early too (one as a teenager 😢), and I really realised LIFE JUST ISN’T FAIR AND IT WASNT JUST ME. And then a few years later, a Mum friend had her toddler die aged 2 and I realised LIFE REALLY ISN’T FAIR. You will grieve and mourn your loss and never really get over it… but you will learn to live with it. Sending lots of love and support xx

@AlwaysGotAnOpinion im so sorry for your loss. And you’re right the thought of everything he is going to miss is hurting so bad. My chest aches. In my job I have seen a lot of unexpected death and heart ache, but nothing in this world can prepare you for what grief truely is, I thought I understood. I didn’t. I have no one close to me who has been through this so reaching out to this support group has helped so so much and made me feel a little less along, so thank you for sharing such a personal experience xx

I am so sorry for your loss .
I lost my dad in September last year. It is fucking tough but you will get through it.
I live alone and I was the youngest only daughter, I lost my world 💔
I had free grief counselling online and it really helped xxxxx take one day at a time x

Sending you all the love ♥️ I love my Dad to bits and couldn't imagine life without him. Losing a parent is so hard (I lost my Mum 10 years ago), just remember to look after yourself and let yourself grieve xxx

I’m so sorry. Where there is great love there is great loss 💔

Oh love. I lost my lovely mum just over 3 months ago, with very little warning. She had been in hospital only a few days, with severely low sodium. Like you, I was battling with medics who didn’t seem to be listening and weren’t on the right track. She also arrested, in the early hours. I am still utterly broken, I have to say. So I’m not sure I have much helpful to offer you other than that you are not alone.

Thank you all so much for your lovely message. We are a week on, the pain is still very heavy but the rawness of the initial days doesn’t come as frequently. Unfortunately the PM has come back inconclusive but dad’s body should finally be released to us. I will see him again but I am scared as know it’s going to be really hard to see him but I can’t have my last memory of him being in that hospital bed, I hope he will look peaceful as he didn’t in hospital.
thank you all again

Sorry for your loss OP. We lost Dad in February after a long battle. It was sad to see him struggle for so long but at least we had time with him, I couldn't imagine losing him unexpectedly. Our son is 2 so we've not been sure how to handle it with him but we often look at photos of Grandad and talk about him often so hopefully he won't forget him. Take care x