When to send condolence letter TW - child's death

[Cattenberg]

I found out today that my friends have lost their teenage son/stepson, who lived with them part-time. I don't know why he died. I only know that it was sudden and unexpected, and that he wasn't with my friends at the time. It's a massive shock - it's incomprehensible really, and apparently my friends are in denial and pretending that it hasn't happened.

He was a nice lad and kind to my family. I have several fond memories of him. I would like to write some of these in a condolence letter. As his parent and step-parent are understandably in shock and denial, would it be better if I waited a few days (or longer) before sending it? Also, I remember him as a happy and outgoing boy, and don't think he would have taken his own life, but as I don't know why he died, I'm worried about writing the wrong thing. Should I avoid mentioning how cheerful he was?

I've written condolence letters before, but never for someone so young or when the cause of death wasn't known. I'd be grateful for any advice.

So sorry, Spooky. I hope you can continue remembering him through the jokes and songs he would have loved.

Send it now and say everything you suggest. They may not want to read it immediately, but nice memories of their child will be good to look at in future.

When there is no dress code a lot of people will choose to wear black as it's traditional and respectful. I would dress in smart black and wear a colourful accessory (shoes/bag/tie etc.) as this is generally acceptable for all types of funerals

@Spooky2000 . I'm sorry to hear about your son ❤️. I was in denial about mine too for the first few months and used to tell myself he's still working away from home. It's whatever gets us through the day.
It's quite sad your girls won't talk about him but maybe in time they will. It's still quite recent and everyone grieves differently. My eldest doesn't talk about his brother much but I know he's hurting too. Sending hugs X

My friends have been in denial and I don't blame them. It must be easier to believe that their son is currently with his other parent and step-parent than that he has suddenly and inexplicably gone for good. I find it difficult to believe myself. I hope they will at least get a answer when all the test results are back.

Thank you all for the advice, as well. Once again, I'm so sorry that some of you are grieving for your own children.

Given warm days, I would wear a black, short sleeved summer dress, perhaps in cotton . Smart, cool and respectful.