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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

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Original poster

How much time off work?

45 replies

Hebrides181 · 05/05/2025 11:42

My Dad has died, work has told me to take as much time off as needed and not to rush back. I know everyone copes differently but I’m just wondering what the ‘average’ time would be? What’s the norm? My family is local but most of the funeral organisation will fall to me.

OP posts:

ohmondew · 05/05/2025 11:44

this is a really individual question, you'll get people along to tell you they took 1 day and 1 for the funeral which isn't usual at all in my experience.

Can you play it by ear a bit? Only you will know when you're ready to go back and you may not know just yet.

Sorry for your loss.

SilverBlue56 · 05/05/2025 11:45

I stayed off until after the funeral - 4 weeks.

I might have gone back in between WFH for a bit but I got covid as well and was too ill
It really depends on how you feel

Mrsttcno1 · 05/05/2025 11:49

At my workplace I’d say the average is usually 2 days and then 1 day for funeral, 1 for the day after the funeral.

TodaysthedayIdecide · 05/05/2025 11:51

Sorry for your loss. 💐

I took 4 days immediately after my parent died, then a week after the funeral, as it was then that I felt I needed the time.

CharlotteStreetW1 · 05/05/2025 11:53

ohmondew · 05/05/2025 11:44

this is a really individual question, you'll get people along to tell you they took 1 day and 1 for the funeral which isn't usual at all in my experience.

Can you play it by ear a bit? Only you will know when you're ready to go back and you may not know just yet.

Sorry for your loss.

Sorry for your loss OP.

I agree it's down to how you feel. When my lovely mum died after a long illness I was off for a couple of days and then another couple of days around the funeral which an older sibling had organised. My colleague, whose father died suddenly and she had to organise everything was off for several weeks.

Ihatelittlefriendsusan · 05/05/2025 11:55

Its all subjective.

After my step son died I went back to work with just a couple of days off, dh took a few more but felt he needed the distraction.

Due to the unexpected nature there has been a need to have various times off for interviews, inquests as well as funeral etc. Both our jobs have given us as much tome as we needed. Dh for obvious reasons has taken far more.

You might find being in work helps to distract you, or it may be overwhelming. Only you know really.

doodleschnoodle · 05/05/2025 12:07

I took a week immediately after my mum died, went back for a couple of weeks, then had another week off for the funeral week. My work were amazingly kind and flexible about it.

I found the distraction helpful for that limbo period between death and funeral, but I think that’s a very personal decision.

Sorry for your loss, OP.

hby9628 · 05/05/2025 12:07

Sorry for your loss. I didn’t take much time off at all. I think 2 days when it happened then time for sorting things and the funeral. I wish I had taken more time off and let myself process it properly but I was very much in the mindset of keeping busy as a coping mechanism mainly because of the surrounding family drama his death created. Just take it day by day. There is no right or wrong.

TonerNeedsReplacing · 05/05/2025 12:12

My work’s policy is up to a week on manager’s discretion.

I asked what would happen if they needed more and was told we should look at sick leave if applicable or unpaid leave.

I think it is very fact specific though on the circumstances of the death, the relationship and your job. And also how flexible your job is. Can you, for instance, take an hour out in the day to meet with florists about arrangements, or is that not feasible?

Myusernameisunique · 05/05/2025 12:15

This is so individual. My much beloved grandparent passed away a couple of months ago quite suddenly. I ended up with 5 weeks off in total. A week where I stayed in hospital with them on end of life/palliative care then 3 weeks in the lead up to the funeral and a week afterwards. All my other grandparents have passed and I only had 2 days for the funeral and day after but it wasn’t the same situation or relationship. Just play by ear and take what you need. It’s lovely your work are so understanding. My boss was awful when my grandparent died and it just added to the stress of the whole situation. So sorry for your loss. Look after yourself.

Wakemeupbe4yougogo · 05/05/2025 12:17

Dh and I run our own business so I was back at work the next day - but I did have to make the funeral arrangements and took odd hours here and there. And I took the whole day of his funeral. In honesty, I think I'd have been 100 times worse at home just sat thinking about it all. It kept me sane to have routine. But, I did then take a week off around 3 months after he had died because it all hit me like a ton of bricks and I was no use to anyone.

There is no right or wrong, just what suits you. Sorry for your loss

Lovelysummerdays · 05/05/2025 12:21

Some people cope better at work some need more time. I know someone who took just the day of the funeral but her mum had been ill for a long time and she’d spent lots of time doing care. She felt that getting back to work would help.

Someone else took a month off. Work paid bereavement for a week as per policy and then signed off sick by Gp and got full sick pay (council)

Aversge is probably somewhere in the middle.

Muchtoomuchtodo · 05/05/2025 12:22

I had about 5 weeks in total - including a few days after the funeral after my second parent died. It was sudden and unexpected and they lived 2 hours away from me which made things a bit more complicated and time consuming to sort out.

There’s no right answer.

HeatedBlanketAllYear · 05/05/2025 16:34

Sorry for your loss. It depends on a lot of factors including your workplace, how you’re feeling emotionally, whether you can wfh a bit and how much sick pay you have. Compassionate leave is usually between a couple of days and up to 5 days in a lot of companies, but most people who are struggling with bereavement will take some sick leave as well. It can take a while for a funeral date in some areas so staying off until then isn’t always financially possible.
Make sure you take enough time to process the initial shock and go back when you’re well or robust enough, if you can afford this. Appreciate some people don’t have this luxury if not enough sick pay.
I’ve had a couple of colleagues lose parents recently and one took a week initially then 2 days for the funeral. One was off for 5 weeks until after the funeral. It’s different for everyone.

golemmings · 05/05/2025 17:06

When DF died, I took a few hours for meeting registrar, funeral directors etc then the day of the funeral plus the next day.

Our manager was off long term, my colleague and I were already covering for her and supporting a junior so I was reluctant not to be off more than necessary.

Looking at the quality of work I produced over that month, it was shoddy and I spent the next couple of months fixing it and making it fit for purpose.

I hindsight I was not coping as well as I thought I was and should have taken some time.

Katesam2016 · 05/05/2025 17:18

when my lovely Dmum died 5 years ago I had about 4 weeks off including the few days in the run up to her dying, so I went back about 4 days after her funeral. I did organise everything though and my dad, unbelievably, didn’t even know how to use a cash point, cook a basic meal or wouldn’t make a phone call as my mum had always done everything.
I would have been ok to return to work earlier if I hadn’t have felt like my dad needed support. My mum worked at the same place as me and I think I would have been fine to be there.

Original poster

Hebrides181 · 05/05/2025 19:56

Thankyou for all the kind replies. They’ve been really helpful.

OP posts:

Happyher · 05/05/2025 19:59

I took 2 days off when my mum died suddenly but in hindsight it wasn’t long enough. When my Dad died I was off for 3 1/2 weeks which was about right

mondaytosunday · 05/05/2025 20:14

Couple days. I did work the day after my father died but I didn’t have to go into an office. I think more than a week is excessive.

SpaghettiHettie · 05/05/2025 20:20

Sorry for your loss OP.

My mum suddenly died. Had to wait 3 weeks for the funeral. Work gave me 1 week special leave and the other 2 weeks I had a sick note (stress due to bereavement). I went back after the funeral xx

mrsfollowill · 05/05/2025 20:22

I had a week off when my dad died years ago - I got 3 days bereavement leave back then which I'd used sitting with him the last night but I have a generous amount of annual leave and could take as long as I wanted- was encouraged to get a sick note but didn't. My dear mum has just died unexpectedly and I found her I'm in shock and my head is all over the place- I get 2 weeks these days for death of a parent. This is much harder - I'm still in shock and keep shaking/feeling cold and shivery and my mind has stopped working properly- worst brain fog ever and I have so much to sort out. Very lucky DH is a rock and wider family have been so supportive despite grieving too. I'm not rushing back that's for sure.

sandrevolutionary · 05/05/2025 20:22

I'm sorry for your loss. I was signed off for a couple of months. You can play it by ear and get signed off for a week or two and just keep under regular review. You could also ask for a phased return when you're ready to return.

I know people who were off for anything up to 6 months. If being at work helps you then no shame in that, but equally if you need more time then also no shame. It's not a competition.

Sue Ryder and Marie Curie have lots of bereavement information and support too.

JoyousEagle · 05/05/2025 20:25

I agree that there isn’t a norm. A colleague of mine’s father died very suddenly and quite traumatically and she took maybe 6 weeks-ish. But I know other people who’ve taken much less.

ShaunaSadeki · 05/05/2025 20:25

DH’s work gave him a fortnight off when his DF died

BassesAreBest · 05/05/2025 20:26

I had 3 weeks - a week compassionate leave and 2 weeks sick leave, as there was no way I was mentally well enough to go back to work until after the funeral had happened.

I think my current employer gives up to 15 days compassionate leave at management discretion but thankfully haven’t had to find out.

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