How much time off work?

[Hebrides181]

My Dad has died, work has told me to take as much time off as needed and not to rush back. I know everyone copes differently but I’m just wondering what the ‘average’ time would be? What’s the norm? My family is local but most of the funeral organisation will fall to me.

When my mum died I took 4 months off - it was a traumatic death and I work for the NHS, part of the trauma of her death related to the NHS.

I simply wasn’t well enough to return until then. I’m so sorry to hear of your loss.

It is very, very personal. I am one of the one day off when he died and one day for the funeral people. But, since then, I work from my mum's one day a week and am with her one day almost every weekend so I can give her the support she needs while she grieves. I work for a very flexible company and they would have given me longer, but for me, time with my mum on an ongoing basis is far more valuable than time off when he died.

Sorry for your loss.

When my dad died - not entirely unexpectedly but I was expecting it to be a couple of months away and he died in his sleep one night - I took that day off and then worked very flexibly from my parents house for the next 6 weeks. I spread about 2 weeks compassionate leave over those 6 weeks. As well as organizing the death certificate and funeral, I needed to look after my mum who had dementia, liaise with the care home we had chosen for her, pack and take her there and then empty their sheltered housing flat which was rented. The funeral was a month after he died so I had a couple of days off then while family were visiting. I couldn’t expect 4-6 weeks off but needed lots of time to do family stuff so worked whenever I could and in some ways it helped to keep busy. It was all working from their house and most calls were camera off especially in the early days when anyone expressing sympathy made me well up.

My mum who had end stage dementia had a fit and we were told she would die that night. She lived for a further 3 months. For that time I went into work at 7 am, worked through lunch then went to be with her from 3 until bedtime. Every day Monday to Friday but at her bedside all day at weekends. By the time she died I was completely exhausted, physically mentally and emotionally. I stayed off until the funeral. I planned to go back the day after but had the worst ever migraine which lasted 3 days. I had been given a weeks bereavement leave and was then signed off sick but you get caught up in the bureaucracy of death so I was still busy. With the migraine, I saw the gp who told me I had a bereavement reaction and my body was telling me to completely rest. I did and felt much much better when I returned to work albeit a week later than I planned.

Maybe 1-2 weeks, you'll probably want the distraction of work. It really depends on the person

It also will depend on the type of job you do OP. Be kind to yourself. I realised I had been driving really eratically for a while afterwards and probably shouldn't have been on the road.

My brother & I both took a couple of months off when my Dad died. But his death was very unexpected & happened suddenly.

We both work for the emergency services so both need to be really on the ball at work. Both our employers and GPs were fully supportive in us being off

I'd be in the 'take a couple of days off' camp. I don't see what I'd do off work all day. It'd give me more time to mope around. I'd benefit from sticking to my routine and would appreciate the distraction.

It’s quite rigid in our workplace. 5 days for bereavement leave. If people need longer it would then be classed as sick leave.

One week compassionate leave then I was signed off for two weeks.

I think I took a day or two when it happened then the day of the funeral. Depends how much there is to do

When my Dad died I had 10 days compassionate leave and then I had a sick note. I had 2 months off and went back on a long phased return! I teach and there is no way I could have done my job. In hindsight I was a real mess when I went back and I should have been off for longer. My headteacher was very understanding. But it is very personal to you.

I got 5 days when my Grandad died & my parents were away on holiday, 4 days to arrange the funeral, notify relatives etc & a day for the funeral. If anyone needed any longer, they took sick leave.

I adored my Dad. I was with him the day he died and then the next two days plus the funeral.

I think work was helpful as it was nice to be around kind people who were lovely to me. For me sitting at home would have been miserable.

sorry for your loss.

I took 1wk, as did my brother when our dad died. I had to travel 5hrs for the funeral so stayed there until the funeral. We both felt sitting at home would only make it worse but others might need a few weeks off.

Sorry for your loss.

My DM passed away end March. I'm still taking it in.

I was given 1 week compassionate leave when my DM was taken ill and in hospital/then hospice - she passed away that weekend and then I had a week bereavement leave. I went back to work after then and was given day off for funeral. My boss was so kind which I really appreciated.

I’m sorry for your loss.

I was off for 10 weeks in total; 4 of those were when my Dad was ill and then receiving palliative care, and then a further 6. The funeral was about half way through those 6 weeks. I felt I could have gone back earlier but I was supporting my Mum who has mental health difficulties at the best of times and needs a lot of support day to day normally anyway, and as an only child, it all fell to me so I didn’t think work would make that any easier. I think it probably depends on the type of job you do as well. I work with children and there is no way I could have hidden for a quiet moment or been able to have an off day in front of them.

All depends. If you've a house to empty/sell its much harder, or if yoyve a rental property to empty. A week after death and a couple of days for funeral sounds about right.

I just took time needed to arrange things and had the day of and day after funeral.

I had a lady off for 12 months when her Mum died. After much persuasion she came back, just for a coffee/chat at first, then a couple of hours to check emails ... took about a month to get her back in to do her whole job. She thanked me for it eventually as wallowing at home was making her really poorly.

My mum died very recently. I kept in touch with work while she was in the hospital and after she passed I asked for a few days off and was told to take the full week. I went back in for the first time this week and it was really difficult. My boss is great though so I’m ‘there’ but I’m on limited working where I can do as much as I feel. I value the routine but my brain is not up to the role at the moment, take it easy and look after yourself

My dad was told he had terminal cancer and died 10 days later. I had four weeks from when he was given the diagnosis. It was as.much to do with practicalities and supporting mum.as.anything else. I'm sorry for your loss op. xx