My son has died by way of suicide on 30th April. His father committed suicide before he was born.
The inquest for his dad took nearly 18 months to be heard and from the moment my 'DP' died which was now 31 years ago, his family cut me off and had nothing to do with me or my boy. I later learned that 'DP' had been telling his family and others that he didn't believe our son was his, and that I'd cheated. Not true. That we weren't having sex, that he'd started smoking because of me and a whole ream of stories to others that I had no idea of before his death.
I was basically cross examined by the 'DP' family at the inquest. They never had anything to do with my son and this affected him his whole life.
My son was 31 when he died. He'd had MH issues his entire life, and tbh, I know that it's said that we look for someone to blame, but his elder sibling told my boy when he was only 4 - so in his formative years - that his dad was dead and that the person he believed was his father, wasn't. I believe that this entirely destabilised his sense of self for the rest of his life and the rage and anger I felt towards her for doing such a cruel and spiteful act never really left me. She told me in later years that she was jealous of him as my then DP acted as his father and I was also pregnant, so she felt everyone had a father but her. Her father knew where we lived, but had just simply stopped seeing her, and in later years he denied this and told her I stopped him - I didn't. He didn't pay maintenance for her either.
Her telling my son this really affected my relationship with her. When my son was born, I watched from another room as she taunted him and tried to choke him by sticking her fingers down his throat and I had to intervene. As she got older, she would refuse to share sweets and treats with him, or give her the one's she didn't like. She would be cruel to him verbally and otherwise. He just wanted her approval and love. I wanted to send her to live with her dad tbh, but I felt that the life her father would give her would be just dreadful and that as he wasn't interested, why make him have her. Of course, that's not the story he told her.
My boy was very emotionally sensitive his whole life. I adored him, and his younger sister. The eldest was just awful to them both and there was constant conflict in our lives with them arguing. Eventually I couldn't take any more and after her school even intervened and said she was cruel to children there, I called her dad when she was 14 and said that we were done. Life was a lot calmer after she went, and my boy and his younger sister had many happy times. She just grew more and more resentful of them, despite my trying to include her over the years.
I'm sorry this is so long. My boy is sensitive, beautiful and kind and I always said that each one of them I was proud of because I knew that no matter what, if they saw someone in trouble they would step in and intervene. Now that he has died, she has tried to have the coroner name her as the primary interested party. The fights continue and she just can't take a back seat and, to use my son's expression, STFU. My youngest has had to intervene, so can you imagine the stress on her?
My beloved son has gone. I knew that I had borrowed time with him, but I always hoped that I was wrong.