DH died

[SpottyBumPony]

My DH had a stroke on the 31st April, it was catastrophic and he didn't wake up. He was 46, I'm 41. We have a 6 year old son.

He died 12 days later, at the time I told the consultants I was ready and that they could take him off the ventilator which would then lead to the inevitable. I know it had to happen but today I wish I could visit him in hospital and brush his hair and beard, wipe his face. I know that his mind was gone then, just his body was left but I'm finding it so hard today.

It feels like the end of a grace period with DS going back to school tomorrow, my appointment to register the death is tomorrow as well. I have to start dealing with admin then.

I'm worried about bills, the mortgage should be covered but I don't think I can afford everything on my wages. I just want him back

So sorry. No words of advice but sending sympathy. He was too young and life can be so unfair. I do hope you’ve got support in RL? Xx

I’m so sorry for your loss, it’s hard to comprehend a life going forward but you will find a way to cope & as they always say time helps. My sister lost her husband suddenly & the bank were very understanding about her affording the mortgage payments etc. there is help out there….don't be scared to reach out.

I’m so sorry. A great friend of mine lost her husband before he was 40 and found friendship and solidarity in an org called widowed and young. Sending you a big hug . Where you are is so so hard; life can be brutally unfair and send us such hard stuff to deal with. Take it five minutes at a time. Xxxx

Hi, I lost my husband in different circumstances when I was 37. It is a very shocking situation so firstly be kind to yourself. Deal with practical stuff when you can. A little bit at a time. Did he have any life insurance? Maybe through work?
second what someone else said. When you are ready find WAY (Widowed and Young) for being with people in similar situations to yourself. Really good for your son too as you can meet up with other people with children as well.

I’m so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine what you are going through. Just take it a step at a time and lean on all support given.
in terms of finance, sorry if you don’t want practical help right now, but not many people know about bereavement pay that you may be entitled to, which may help ease your worries for a little while on that front.
https://www.gov.uk/bereavement-support-payment/eligibility

I’m so sorry OP to hear of your loss. It must be an incredibly hard time for you.

I have no further advice but to take everything one step at a time and reach out for support. Contact your bank and let them know- there are policies in place to help you.

Did your husband have a work death in service policy? If he did then you will have some breathing space in terms of money.

So sorry to hear this.. contact Cruse for help and advice

Oh OP I'm so sorry for your loss, this is no age. I hope you have some good friends and family round you. You must be devastated.

Did he have a workplace pension? Idk much about them but they may pay out a death in service or some kind of lump sum. If your mortgage has insurance surely it should be paid off in this case. Xxx

I am so very sorry for your loss OP, I can’t begin to imagine how devastated you must be.

Do you have a good friend or relative who’s good with practical stuff, paperwork etc.? someone who can help with the admin of it all. Don’t be afraid to ask for help and lean on people.

I am so very sorry.

Assuming that your husband was in employment, you should be eligible for Bereavement Support Payment. This is not means tested.

ETA I see that @notasillysausage has already given you this information.

https://www.gov.uk/bereavement-support-payment/how-to-claim

My condolences.
On the practical side, you probably already know about the Tell us Once service.

Because your husband was below pension age, you should be entitled to bereavement benefits.
It may also be worth checking out possible other benefits, such as tax credits.
The Citizens Advice website would be a good place to start.

I'm so sorry for your loss.💐

So sorry to read this. The world can be so brutal.

Thanks everyone, I've been calmer this afternoon.

I've been recommended Widowed and Young and also Wilsons Wish by others too. My Mum is coming to the registry office with me tomorrow too. I must dig out DH's documents this evening.

I've got school uniform out, repacked PE kit and cooked some chicken ready for a packed lunch so that's all in hand.

How is your son? Is he ready to go back to school?
Have you told the school?

I’m so sorry to read this @SpottyBumPony he was far too young. Life is incredibly cruel.

If he was employed, check his employment contract as some offer a death in service payout.

Be kind to yourself, accept any help offered. I’m glad you have your mum to go with you.

I’m very sorry for your loss.

I'm so sorry to hear your news. Sending love your way. Xx

Oh love. I can’t imagine how you are feeling. Losing someone suddenly is really really hard, and losing a husband at a young age must be like the end of the world.

My mum died suddenly on 7th March and I’m still so so sad. I’m signed off work until the end of this month and for various reasons currently anticipate being off a little longer. I’m functioning in terms of sleeping/eating/washing, and the basics of running the house, but not really functioning beyond that if I’m honest. We have a brilliant mental health nurse at our GP practice and she has been wonderfully supportive. Is there someone like that at your practice?

Otherwise I think it’s just about being right now, feeling all the feelings, doing things for yourself (wellbeing wise, although that feels like a ridiculous word right now), and being patient.

I am sorry this happened to you and your family OP. Have you informed the school? They will be able to keep an extra eye on your son. Be kind to yourself. Take any help u need and if it's not offered then ask. Sometimes people don't know what to say.

So very very sorry for your awful loss. May his gentle soul rest in peace. 🕯️Sending love to you and your son. Wishing you strength. Accept help wherever you can. In my thoughts. Xxx

So sorry for your loss. On a practical level, I’d be applying for UC immediately as that will help a lot, presuming you’re not a high earner. Others have mentioned the bereavement payment so do take that asap. CAB can help you work out what you’re entitled to benefits wise. Keep going 💐

It was term time when DH had the stroke so I told his teacher then and have emailed to say what happened. The head teacher sent me a lovely reply assuring me they will look out for him and he'll be loved and cared for while he's there.

He's 'fine' at the moment, the best thing about being 6 is that playing in the park with your bestie wipes away anything else in your life. He's more clingy and emotional than normal but not outwardly sad or missing his Dad. For now at any rate.

I just want to give you a hug x

My niece was only 6 when her Dad died suddenly. I would by lying if I said it didn’t hit her hard and it was a long time before she’d openly talk about him. She’s 12 now and really does enjoy talking about memories of her Dad and we keep him very much alive for her. It might be worth considering some counselling for him but you know your own child and if that is something that would be helpful for him.