DH died

[SpottyBumPony]

My DH had a stroke on the 31st April, it was catastrophic and he didn't wake up. He was 46, I'm 41. We have a 6 year old son.

He died 12 days later, at the time I told the consultants I was ready and that they could take him off the ventilator which would then lead to the inevitable. I know it had to happen but today I wish I could visit him in hospital and brush his hair and beard, wipe his face. I know that his mind was gone then, just his body was left but I'm finding it so hard today.

It feels like the end of a grace period with DS going back to school tomorrow, my appointment to register the death is tomorrow as well. I have to start dealing with admin then.

I'm worried about bills, the mortgage should be covered but I don't think I can afford everything on my wages. I just want him back

I'm so sorry op....I hope you have some good friends and family to help get you through this. You sound like an amazing mum by the way

I'm so sorry. I'm glad Winstons Wish has been recommended. Just take things at your pace.

Oh @SpottyBumPony, I’m so sorry. My DH died suddenly when I was 36 and DD was 2.5. I’m not going to lie to you, the road ahead is tough – but one thing I can promise you is that things will get easier. You may hear things like “it doesn’t get easier, it just gets different” and in a way I can understand why people say that, because you’ll never not miss your DH, but the pain will lessen and you will learn how to live alongside it. And DS will be okay too – it will teach him a level of empathy that his peers don’t have yet, and also resilience that will help him in future life. All of our children will face hardship – ours have just faced it earlier than most. As tough as that is, it does mean that they will cope better with future hardships.

For now, all you have to concentrate on is getting through each day, and trusting that it WILL get better. It won’t feel like it, you won’t be able to believe it, but please please take it from someone who knows: you will experience joy again, and sooner than you think. And you will experience contentment, too. That one takes a bit longer, but it will come.

In the meantime, some practical tips which may help. Definitely join Widowed and Young – it really is a wonderful lifeline that you can use as much as you need. I set up a WhatsApp group with about 10 of my closest friends, and I would message that when I needed help – that way I didn’t feel I was pressuring anyone, and there was always someone free to help which meant anyone who was overwhelmed or busy could authors the message without feeling bad. Find an outlet —
mine was writing, but for others it could be art or exercise or walking or driving into the countryside and screaming out the window – you’ll know what works for you when you find it.

Sending you much love and solidarity. You can and will get through this. I promise.

How are you feeling today? What are your plans once you have dropped your son off at school? I can imagine that will be a tough moment for you.

I’m so sorry for your loss. I just wanted to recommend Winston’s wish for your son if he needs it in time 💐

So sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you must be dealing with. Lots of hugs

I am so sorry.

School drop off should be OK, they go to their classrooms straight away to read and settle in so there isn't a massive congregation of parents in the playground. My playground friends know so I'm expecting some hugs/conversation if I bump in to them.

I found a love letter DH had kept from when we were distance dating, it was nice to read what I had written to him.

The registry office appointment is at 10.30, my Mum's coming with me. I need to get some food shopping after and DS has swimming after school today.

I've come over from the other thread. Thinking of you, spotty x

So sorry @SpottyBumPony 😔

Oh OP im so so sorry for your loss

So sorry for your loss.

I'm so sorry OP. I hope today has been as OK as it could be. Just keep on keeping on 💐.

I've been OK for a few days but the appointment with the funeral directors is tomorrow and remembering I need to take his clothes has just knocked me for 6.

I spent a couple of hours in the office today, we've moved while I was off so I set up my desk and cleared my emails. I'm planning to work Friday as well.

I'm feeling tired tonight and don't want to fight DS to get him to sleep so that I can have adult time when I'm already tired. So we agreed he could stay up a little later but let me have adult time and then I will go to bed with him (he's been sleeping in my room since DH fell ill)

I’m so sorry for your loss.

So sorry for your loss. My DH died about a year ago. There is just so much more to remember, all the time! Paperwork, too, can be really time consuming. I hope your work is being flexible so you can go to meetings (e.g. registrar, funeral directors) as and when. You're lucky to have your mum around to help you plug the gaps.

It was unexpected but b/c DH had a blood cancer (multiple myeloma), it was always going to happen. My teen DDs have dealt with it in their own ways. For many weeks after his death, DD2, who was much closer to him, would come to me at bedtime for a bit. We'd cuddle in the bed and she'd tell me how much she missed him.

A day at a time. You are doing brilliantly. When my neighbour's DH died (also very unexpectedly), we walked her DCs to school every morning as it was hard for her to deal with everything early in the day. But at pick up time most days she was happy to come herself, and little by little they regained some normality and established new routines. We helped her as we could at the time and I trust you too have a loving community around you and that you can ask for help as you need it.
Thinking of you x

Wishing you the best for tomorrow.

If there's someone who can drive you there, that's a help (I found).

I’m so sorry for your loss. X

Just checking in @SpottyBumPony, so sorry for your loss. X

So so sorry for your loss.