thankyou all for your messages...they are very comforting.
school has been wonderful....they are looking after the children and will be letting them draw pictures for grandma for us to send of with/to her. J was really upset about going......it seems that he was told off at school yesterday by a dinner lady (and not a very lovable one at that!), and his grief made that into his biggest fear......he is 5, he doesn;t really understand....he knows we are sad and why, but cannot put it into words, so school became the focus of his sadness.
I spoke to his helper lady, she was lovely. he took his 'blanky' in with him and they took him down after a good long hug.
I am collecting them all early today (the smaller ones) as I do not want the elder two girls coming home to an empty house....I feel there is nothing worse.
I am out of focus today........I have not really been on this path before....I have had grief in my life, but not this type.
grandma is not my grandma, she is my darling husbands (simon)......I was rejected by my family (long painful story not for here) and so grew up feeling quite alone......at 16 I met simon and his entire family accepted me and absorbed me and made me their own. it is for that reason that I feel as tho I have lost my grandma, not 'just' an in-law if that makes sense??
the chldren have been wonderful so far tho......they are much more accepting really, altho this is the first day so time will tell, and give us all different focus's and ways of dealing with our grief......I will 'go with the flow' and see what comes....all this is new to me.
today and next week will be full of practical details....MIL is an only child and the only one left from 'her' side of the family, so we are all in this together....does that make sense, I am not sure?? I am the onky one also who does not work, so I want to be there for her to help all the others carry on as they all need to....I have the children, but during the day I can take some of the load off of MIL....not least because she also has heart problems and is recovering herself from an op just 4wks ago.
she does have wonderful friends tho, so she is drawing comfort from them, as is she from FIL......he too is fab, like his son (my dh) in fact!
all the children will be going to the funera, but flame may be having the boys for the wake, as MIL is fretting about their boredom levels.....the wake will be held and the church that grandma attended, so not like a garden for them to let off steam in. we will see....they will surely surprise me on the day!
to give you background on grandma.......she was 96, still live alone, still cooked for herself, still caught the bus almost weekly to go watch bournemouth play (she had a life long season ticket as grandad was very big in the football world many years ago before he died)....she was always found sat with her flask of whisky at a home game on the warmer days, altho still wrapped in her blanket...she was a very active lady!!
she went in the best way possible I guess (if there can be a 'best way')....she had a stroke in the morning and her daughter found her still lucid and they could speak. an ambulance was called and she then had a heart attack, which they brought her back from.
she fought long enought thro the day for ua all to go and say our goodbyes, and then she went to sleep to be with her beloved husband.
she has done what she was destined on this earth to do, and she leaves a wonderful legacy of a fantastic daughter, two wonderful grandsons and eight utterly amazing grand children.
I am proud to have known her, and honoured to have been given a place in her family.