Psychomum is needing advice please - Psychodad's Grandma very very ill

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Psychomum's DH's Grandma (in her 90s) has had a heart attack and stroke.

Psycho is a bit of a state herself too (very close to in laws).

She has no idea how best to support DH, or how to handle telling the children etc

Psycho, she sounds like an amazing lady who has had a marvellously full life. I'm so very sorry

I am trying not to go into the kitchen.....have an over whelming need to open the wine already, and feeling so very with myself.

I have dancing runs to get on with.....but......

Oh bless you all, psychomum.

why why why are some people so insensitive?????????

went to ballet....the teacher knows that we have lost grandma, the girls were in ballet yesterday when we had the phone call that grandma was dying....I had to ring the ballet teacher and ask her to send the girls out for my friend to collect as we were needed at the hospital and I needed the children all in one place!

I rang again this morning to explain, and also to say that the girls will indeed be in this week 9they have medals next weekend), but they may need a little support.

all well and good, and then we turn up tonight...obviously all a wee bit sad and red eyed, and the DM of the teacher (who is the dragon receptionist) asked why all the long faces....

I said that of course they are all a little tearful, but they are trying to be brave and want to see thier friends....

'dragon' says...."oh well, she was old, what do you expect......I cannot understand why people cry, you know that when they are old they are no use and better of dead"

I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo mad

how dare she.....see said that the time aftere the death isn't the time to cry, it is the time on birthdays only!!

just cos she is a harsh bitch, doesn;t mean we are!!!

sorry.......feel the need to stab someone, and now got wine to drown out her voice that is now on repeat in my head

caN'T believe she said that - is she a paid member of staff?

i would formally complain.

can you imagine a check- out operator or any employee of the service industy of a large organisation saying that?

seriously

nope custardo....she is the one who is the paying force behind the school.

she has no social skills at times.....she seems so charming and you walk away and suddenly think "hang on. what did she say?"

and then it is too late and you are left feeling impotant with rage, or wanting to stab someone

I am now tipsy.....DH and the kiddies are sleeping...I am here, and with CQ!!!

I am very sad to read about this Psychomum. I have noticed what a warm, compassionate poster you are so I am sure that just your warmth and loving hugs will be extremely comforting and helpful to your DH and children. I think we worry a lot about saying the right thing, but in grief the emotion is quite raw and elemental. It is definitely best for people to feel they can grieve openly rather than having to hold things in for fear of embarrassing or upsetting somebody. It is lovely that you managed to find a second family when your own let you down so badly.

Wishing you all well xx

Psychomum, what a stupid stupid STUPID thing for the receptionist woman to say. I am outraged on your behalf. Totally insensitive.

But what a lovely post of yours (at 13.15) about dh's grandma and her legacy. I loved the bit about sitting at the football match with her flask of whisky! Try to think of these happy memories and ignore the insensitive comments of the dragon lady.

Just want to say, I'm thinking of you and your family at this sad time.

Sending you hugs and best wishes.

{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}

thankyou all.

Am off to bed now...to be with my dh and kiddeis.

have had more wine than i should have, but I am determined that dh will have the wife he needs right now.

thankyou janni....I only say how I see it (unless pissed, but then, i avoid MN then....I may be too rude)

I am so grateful to how much MN supports people....it is a family!!!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I swear one day a house will fall on that woman

I am about for a slot tomorrow morning, then here there n everywhere all bloody day I'm afraid

Hi Psycho. Really sorry to read of your sad news. Stay strong sweetheart. I'm sure everything you are doing and saying to your DH and children is just fine. xxxxx

feeling a wee bit more positive today....after a shaky start.

last night was intense with a friend, and then I went up to bed with DH.....he needed me!

we had a chat and a good cuddle and then sleep for him was healing.....for me less so but DS2 had a bad night and also DD3 is finding this extremely tough......she is the worst hit right now

I spoke to my aunt this morning.....there is an announcement in todays paper and I wanted my aunt to know before from me in case she or someone else saw it. all the family are named, and I have a very distinctive name (not met another one of 'me' yet!!) and so anyone who reads the announcement will know and maybe say something. I wanted her to know......

anyway.....she sent regards, and then asked the birth date of grandma.....1914.....the same year in fact of MY nan.....(aunties and my mum's mum!)......and then she started crying.......her mum died too soon, it is so unfair etc!! (she did, but I wasa 10, so 25yrs....surely auntie didn't need to cry quite so about it today??)

I came off the phone feeling so guilty as tho I had ripped out her heart, yet it is MY family suffering and she doesn;t seem to understand that......it was (or so it seemed), all about her and how she feels about the loss of her mum!

I know that grief never stops, it just becomes easier to bear, but surely, this once, it could be about my husband and children and me......

arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

((I should learn....she bought me up and is very typical of a 'toxic parent'.....she broke me as a child at times. I WILL NOT LET HER BREAK ME NOW!!!!))

anyhoo.....stabbing her feelings have passed, now on to giving her to the DM at ballet......can have each other!