Can my 18mo connect with spirits?

[MamaMur]

My mum who I’m extremely close to died very suddenly and unexpectedly when I was 6 months pregnant with my first son.

I’ve never been a believer in the supernatural but since DS’s birth, strange things have been happening that make me think otherwise.

I’ve found random white feathers next to his cot at least 10 separate occasions. No explanation how they’ve got there, I even took all the soft furnishings etc apart to make sure none had feathers in them.

After this I went to see a medium for the first time ever. DS was about 6mo. She said I have a young son under 1 who often plays with a ball in the corner of the room and giggles (true). She said when he does this he is speaking to my mum. He still does this to this day but now also says ‘Granny’ and points to the corner.

Since he’s been about 10mo, If I flick through photos of family members DS meets regularly, he looks intently, maybe smiles. If I swipe to a photo of my mum, he laughs and kisses the phone.

The night before my last birthday, I lay in bed ‘speaking’ to my mum and asking her to show me a sign that she’s here, specifically to give me a kiss through DS (DS blows kisses but at that point had never kissed me). The next morning, my birthday, DS was walking out the door with DH to go to nursery, and suddenly ran back and gave me a kiss on the lips then ran back out to go to nursery.

A few days ago I asked DS if he had ever met his granny. He said yes. I then asked him a few more questions (adding in some curveballs to see if he was just agreeing with everything I said).

Me: Do you see granny at nursery?
DS: No
Me: Do you see granny at the park?
DS: No
Me: Do you see granny when you’re sleeping?
DS: Yes
Me: What does granny do, does she make your dinner?
DS: No
Me: Does she brush your hair?
DS: No
Me: Does she tell you funny stories?
DS: Yes
Me: Does she give you cuddles and kisses?
DS: nods, blows kisses and snuggles into me
Me: Where does granny live?
DS: points up and laughs

Do you think he could really be connecting with my mum somehow or is this just spooky coincidence that I’m reading into due to grief?

OK I'm a sceptic do not believe in the after life, I think we look for signs etc.

However my eldest DD absolutely talked to a dead relative, using their name and describing their physical appearance in ways she could not know. Her eldest DS did the same and this included looking up at certain spots and babbling having his own conversations and happy smiles and then pointed at a photo of a dead relative in someone's home one day and said that's my friend.

Spooked me out as I can't explain it, but a bereavement counsellor once told me, if it gives you comfort then you don't need to push it away or rationalise it, just maybe go with it.

The mind is a very complicated thing.

As a society we happily treat and medicate people who tell us they hear voices, unless they claim to be a medium and then we call them fraudsters.

The majority of replies you get from mumsnet will be from team sceptics. It always makes me smile when people start their replies with “I am a sceptic and do not believe BUT…. “

All the example you list sound real to me. I believe our souls are energy which continue to live on when our physical body dies. It seems to me that your son has a gift!

ignore the sceptics, what does your heart say? Ask your mum for another sign.

I am sorry for your loss. But IMO it’s not ok to be questioning your child like this.

Your grief is not his. He never new granny, and although you will obviously tell him about her and the person she was as he grows up, you’ve obviously somehow put the idea in him that she’s here when she’s not, to the extent you’re questioning him about it, and that’s not ok.

He needs to just be a child. Not expected to be your medium between you and your mum who you are obviously sad never knew her grandchild so you’ve obviously created this narrative in your head that he has a relationship with her. He doesn’t.

No, you are projecting all of this onto your son. Luckily he won’t remember - unless you persist with it, in which case it might not end well.

I’m mostly sceptical but like to think things through within the internal logic of a belief system or theory.

if you accept that there are spirits and entities then how do you know whether they are good or bad or what/who they purport to be? People tend to project a fluffy idea of benevolence onto such things but if supernatural phenomena did exist it would by nature be beyond your understanding and you’d have no idea of intent or consequence.

There are feathers everywhere, from cushions and duvets and such as well as birds. Not from angels or spirits. White feathers as a 'sign' is so culturally specific that clearly they're not a message from one of the great mass of mortals who've died and gone to some other realm where they can only communicate via feathers and dodgy mediums. It doesn't mean there's no many or no connection between us as a race or family beyond the terrestrial, but to cite feathers as evidence is not helpful. Take what comfort you can but keep a sense of perspective and don't let your grief be exploited by the unscrupulous industry that preys on it.

I agree that sometimes it’s not necessary to push things especially when rational explanations fall short but to take the positives from this, feel the comfort. Your son is obviously deeply connected to you, that in itself is really magical.
His answers to your questions struck me as what he might imagine his grandma would say, and how she would comfort him and love him. It’s absolutely beautiful that he feels this. Whether that’s come from his imagination, and he’s extremely tuned into your deep love and longing for her, or if he is actually communicating with her? I wouldn’t entirely dismiss the latter because it is a bit out there, there isn’t anything stronger than a parent’s love, and I feel like the universe is more interesting and complex than we can comprehend.
my dear Nanna said something as powerful as love can never be cut off.

OP I do believe that some people can see more than this physical world.. There is nothing wrong in going to see a medium (and paying for a service that they provide).

You can never know for certain that he connects with your mum, but he seems to be a happy little boy and more importantly you are comforted. I'm sure that's exactly what your mum would have wanted for you.