My DH died

26 replies

Kikkideerligghter · 15/01/2025 02:48

My DH died just before Christmas. He had a procedure on his pancreas, as they suspected cancer. He came home and had his tea and then felt poorly, so he went for a lie down. Half an hour later he called me to say he felt worse. I had a number to call at the hospital, so I rang and asked for advice. They said to come to A & E. It was awful in there. There was nowhere left to sit and they said it was a seven hour wait.

He insisted I went home, so I left him there.😥 He subsequently collapsed and started vomiting, so he was seen and admitted. That was Monday evening.

I spent most of Tuesday with him on the ward. He looked awful. His abdomen was really swollen. That evening I had a call from a consultant to say they were moving him to intensive care. On Friday they told us he was dying. He died on the Monday exactly one week from having the procedure.

I am still in shock. It was so quick. I can’t take it in. Due to it being an unexpected death, it’s all had to be investigated through the coroner. As it was over Christmas everything has been delayed. We have our first solicitor’s appointment next Monday.

The necessary admin has been horrendous. My letter to the DVLA has been lost. Other utilities have been useless. It’s a nightmare. I can’t sleep.

OP posts:

Sminty2 · 15/03/2025 20:26

Kikkideerligghter · 15/01/2025 15:25

Thank you for all the lovely replies. I’ve just had a little sleep on the sofa. I sent a covering letter and new forms to the DVLA yesterday and paid £8 for guaranteed delivery and signature. I hardly dared to look at the tracking but it’s all arrived and I have evidence!

I used the “tell once” system, so much of that is sorted.

The water company, internet provider, gas and electric, council tax is now all sorted, along with car insurance and house insurance.

My son and DIL have been brilliant support but they do have work and two children, so I’ve tried to do some of it.

The admin had been horrendous, with some providers requiring several phone calls and emails. It happens every single day that people die. You’d think they would be better.

I feel a bit better, especially seeing the DVLA have my mail. I will await their response. We sent my first letter with log book etc., by signed for post. The tracking shows the post office received it but didn’t deliver it. So that was a waste of space.

Thanks again everyone the kindness of strangers is a bit overwhelming. 😥😢

I’m really sorry you have lost your beloved husband. I lost mine last year and the sadmin (my word for the paperwork) can seem endless and exhausting. Getting through the day is tough and the endless questions going round your head are hard to deal with.
There’s no one way to do it, just do what you can cope with and then stop until you can face it again. Listen to yourself and do what feels right for you.
I had moments of desperate activity and moments of intense inertia. You might not be hungry or you will eat everything in the fridge. You might feel like doing nothing or like me, go potty and decide that you must paint the kitchen 😊
All I want to say is do what feels right at the moment, in the end, everything will get done and it’s okay, just take care xx

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