I lost my lovely Nan

[LibbyL92]

Yesterday, she died in her sleep. She wasn’t very well for a long time but was at home.

its the first biggest loss I’ve have experienced. She was like a second mum to me and I am completely devastated and broken. She was Earths angel and was so loved by everybody.

it’s been a hell of a night. My eyes are burning, I’ve not slept. It doesn’t feel real and then I remember it is and I break down all over again.
I don’t know how I’m supposed to navigate this world without her in it.

i keep closing my eyes hoping to fall asleep to see her in my dreams.

it kills me knowing it’s New Year’s Eve tonight and I’m leaving her behind so quickly. I’ve had to come off all my social media to avoid those happy new year posts and seeing celebrations. It sounds stupid but it’s just how I’m feeling.

I don’t know why I’m posting, I just don’t want to talk to anybody I know… but this is just so painful and I can’t ever imagine it stopping

@LibbyL92 no words to make it better for you. Just sending hugs 🫂, peace 🙏 and ❤️ . Take it minute by minute x your nan will be watching over youex

Please take some comfort from the fact that she died in her own bed, she just drifted off into eternal sleep.

Death Is Nothing At All
By Henry Scott-Hollandmore Henry Scott-Holland
Death is nothing at all.
It does not count.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
Nothing has happened.

Everything remains exactly as it was.
I am I, and you are you,
and the old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged.
Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.

Call me by the old familiar name.
Speak of me in the easy way which you always used.
Put no difference into your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was.
Let it be spoken without an effort, without the ghost of a shadow upon it.

Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same as it ever was.
There is absolute and unbroken continuity.
What is this death but a negligible accident?

Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am but waiting for you, for an interval,
somewhere very near,
just round the corner.

All is well.
Nothing is hurt; nothing is lost.
One brief moment and all will be as it was before.
How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!

Henry Scott-Holland. "Death Is Nothing At All." Family Friend Poems, https://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/death-is-nothing-at-all-by-henry-scott-holland

Thank you xx

So sorry OP.
Thinking of you.
This poem comforted me when my beloved father died.
Xxxx

It was quick and she was at home. That woukd be priceless to some so treasure that aspect. She didn’t slowly die in a care home losing her marbles or in pain due to long term illness. Please try and find comfort in how she died.

That is so beautiful thank you x

I take comfort that she died in her sleep. But the last 8 months of her life were extremely hard and she lived in extreme pain. It’s a comfort to know she isn’t suffering anymore.

but kills me knowing I’ll never hear her voice again, see me get married or meet my children.

Just another thought...IF, you can, I found great comfort in composing and reciting a eulogy at my father's funeral.
It's not for everyone, but it struck me how well you write, your OP was raw, and so very well expressed, ( it certainly made me well up). Perhaps you could garner that skill? It might help to soothe you and I'm sure others?

I was speaking to my grandad last night about this. But I don’t know if I could manage it.
I want to 100% for the both of them.

I have time to hopefully become a bit stronger by the time the funeral comes around.

where do I start? And how did you find the strength? I’m so sorry for your loss also x

I'm so sorry OP. It won't help now, but in time to come, the fact the that she passed peacefully in her sleep will be a huge comfort to you. I lost my Granny (who was also my best friend/second mum) 5 years ago. It took me a long time to get to the point where I could think about her without being overwhelmed with grief and sadness (I still have my moments) but I can talk about her now and laugh at all the good times. Time is the only thing that will help, there's nothing you can do in the early days but to allow yourself to feel how you feel. Don't try to hide or stifle your emotions. Talking is the best therapy. Take care x

I am so very sorry for your loss. I lost my Mum suddenly 3 years ago and I remember being told she had died and it just didn't feel real so I understand that. Its like I was hearing the words 'your mum has died' but my brain wasn't processing it and understanding what I had been told. I just kept expecting to Facetime her and she would be there and it did take a while for my brain to catch up properly and for the reality to hit me that I would never see her again. Its almost like I was just refusing to believe it. And for me, it was the knowing I would never see or speak to her again that was the most painful part along with knowing that I never got chance to say goodbye to her. One minute she was there, then she was gone. Forever. The finality of it is cruel.

I won't lie, this is going to be rough, and you will go through periods of feeling a little better and then the reality of it hitting you like a brick once again. All I will say is try and allow yourself to feel what you feel. Cry, scream, feel angry but don't suppress it.

I chanelled much of my feelings into writing a eulogy for the funeral and being involved in the arrangements to make sure my Mum got the best send off I could give her for this one last thing I would ever get to do for my lovely mum. I also spent time creating a memory box and pulling together cards she had sent me and photographs of her and it helped me focus my grief somewhere.

Lastly be kind to yourself. I know it doesn't feel like it right now because the world as you know it has changed, but it WILL get better and the pain will lessen and one day you will be able to think of her and smile and feel grateful that you had her in your life rather than devastation that she has gone.

Big hugs xx

Thank you for the message, it’s a real comfort reading them. I’m sorry for your loss also. Grandparents really are treasures x

This is such a beautiful message, thank you for taking the time to write it. I cried and smiled at the same time.

im so sorry about your mum. It sounds like you gave her a beautiful send off.

can I ask how you navigated a eulogy? I am considering it if I can build strength.

So sorry for the loss of your Grandma OP. Google a poem about dying by Victor Hugo - can’t recall the title but I found it really comforting when a very dear family friend died 💐💐💐

The poem starts “ I am standing upon that foreshore”

No-one else in the family wanted to do it or felt like they could where the eulogy was concerned. But to me it didn't feel right that the vicar would stand up and say a few words about my Mum. I felt like it was just the last thing I could do for her and that gave me the courage to do it. I started by googling 'eulogy examples' and it gave me the ideas of what the eulogy should contain and some examples of the kind of things to say. Basically I gave a little 'history' of my Mum and her life. Where she worked, who she married, the children and grandchildren she went on to have. I recalled special memories from over the years and called on other family members and friends to contribute their memories. Then I pulled it together and wrote and rewrote it until it felt perfect. It doesn't need to be massively long but you write well OP so I think you can do it. For me I was a bit worried about standing up and reading it but come the day, from somewhere I just felt powerful and strong and I delivered it without crying and everyone was so proud of me for doing it. I felt proud of myself for doing this one last thing for my mum and it was very emotional and I was so glad that I gathered the strength to do it. Its not for everyone, but for me it was exactly the right thing to do. xx

They really are! If you can't manage the eulogy (I couldn't), you could always write your Gran a letter, noting down everything you want to say to her - how. Much you love her and will miss her, how she had a huge impact on your life, etc. All the things you feel and would have wanted to tell her if you'd had the chance. I did this and had the letter put in my Granny's coffin. It gives me some comfort to know that she's taken my love with her x

Some say you're lucky to only just be mourning grandparents when some people have lost parents, siblings but to me it's not about the title, it's what they individually meant to you and some grandparents mean more than actual parents. I'm so sorry for your loss she'll always be with you. I talk to my lost ones all the time.

I started because it felt like the last parting gift I could give him and my mother and sister and my children.
My sister did one too; she concentrated on his life, I concentrated on his love, his humanitarianism,; I think we complemented each other well.
I finished by saying how he was reflected in the eyes of his grandchildren, it is true but helped to propagate the feeling that he lived on in our living loved ones.

It was hard...but I'm so, so glad I did it. I might have regretted not doing it, but will never regret taking it on. It was good for me but also a great gift for my mother and sister, as you might find doing it for your Grandad.
It's also something written, that I go back to, from time to time.

Lots and LOTS of deep breaths helped; I tried to memorise it as much as i could, ( but obviousy had it in front of me) so that I could look up, at my family. Dont be frightened of pauses. Remember, it's normal to cry. By doing it, you're giving something everlasting to your Grandad and yourself. You may find yourself happy and proud that you've done it and that may help to carry you through your grief.

So many, many thoughts to you.

Thank you, I’m really glad I posted because reading this I think has given me the push to do it.

and you’re right, it really would be the last ever thing you do for them. Xx

So so sorry OP.
I lost my beloved gran last year and the pain is still so intense. Be kind to yourself. There is no timeline and there are no rules.
Not sure if you or your gran had faith but I will pray for you both and you will be in my thoughts.

Losing someone who is dear to us is a huge challenge. But she is still with you, as every chat or hug or shared joke is now a fundamental part of who you are and influences your actions which in their turn impact on who you are and will be as wife, mother into the future. All that has happened is that she is out of pain and has gently moved on .... but she has left herself with you in who you are. Live a good life in her memory. X

Thank you, you’re right.

I said to a previous reply, I’m really glad I posted here because I’ve read things I never would have or given advice I wouldn’t have heard outside. So thank you. I really appreciate it

Thank you so much. It doesn’t feel real like it a horrible dream. But thank you I really appreciate that. And I’m so sorry about your gran. They are incredibly special