Page 2 | I lost my lovely Nan

LibbyL92 · 2024-12-31T07:30:29+00:00

Yesterday, she died in her sleep. She wasn’t very well for a long time but was at home. its the first biggest loss I’ve have experienced. She was like a second mum to me and I am completely devastated and broken. She was Earths angel and was so loved by everybody. it’s been a hell of a night. My eyes are burning, I’ve not slept. It doesn’t feel real and then I remember it is and I break down all over again. I don’t know how I’m supposed to navigate this world without her in it. i keep closing my eyes hoping to fall asleep to see her in my dreams. it kills me knowing it’s New Year’s Eve tonight and I’m leaving her behind so quickly. I’ve had to come off all my social media to avoid those happy new year posts and seeing celebrations. It sounds stupid but it’s just how I’m feeling. I don’t know why I’m posting, I just don’t want to talk to anybody I know… but this is just so painful and I can’t ever imagine it stopping

Original poster

LibbyL92 · 31/12/2024 08:58

Mischance · 31/12/2024 08:50

Losing someone who is dear to us is a huge challenge. But she is still with you, as every chat or hug or shared joke is now a fundamental part of who you are and influences your actions which in their turn impact on who you are and will be as wife, mother into the future. All that has happened is that she is out of pain and has gently moved on .... but she has left herself with you in who you are. Live a good life in her memory. X

That was beautiful to read, thank you xx

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Oneearringlost · 31/12/2024 09:01

I was talking to DH the other night, and pondering where our huge capacity for love goes when we die. Where does that love go?
For me, it doesn't, it carries on in the love we share with others, and so on...whether that be the selflessness we give, the values we learn and cherish or the recipes we pass down.
He said, losing someone is two griefs, in fact. It is the grief of missing someone you love but it's also the grief of losing someone who loves YOU.

Remember, her love for you is living on in you. X

Original poster

LibbyL92 · 31/12/2024 09:11

Oneearringlost · 31/12/2024 09:01

I was talking to DH the other night, and pondering where our huge capacity for love goes when we die. Where does that love go?
For me, it doesn't, it carries on in the love we share with others, and so on...whether that be the selflessness we give, the values we learn and cherish or the recipes we pass down.
He said, losing someone is two griefs, in fact. It is the grief of missing someone you love but it's also the grief of losing someone who loves YOU.

Remember, her love for you is living on in you. X

This is so true, I believe it is two griefs. The love I felt from her was immense. She told me every time we spoke which was most days that she loves me forever.
no one ever says that to me.

I think that’s what hurts the most is knowing she has gone and I can’t hear her saying it anymore.

OP posts:

Oneearringlost · 31/12/2024 09:56

"I think that’s what hurts the most is knowing she has gone and I can’t hear her saying it anymore."

Not physically, no, but the echoes of her words won't go.

Have you got any film/ recording of her? It's possibly too raw right now, but can be a comfort when you are realising that you can no longer evoke her voice in your head.

ExhaustedHousewife · 31/12/2024 10:01

I was so close to my beloved Nan,I even lived with she and Grandad when I was a teenager, I thought I would die with grief when she died,I really did.Now,I am the Nanny,my Nans wisdom, kindness and love come through me to my little Granddaughter everyday.Your Nan hasn't left you,she'll be with you always.❤️

Original poster

LibbyL92 · 31/12/2024 13:27

ExhaustedHousewife · 31/12/2024 10:01

I was so close to my beloved Nan,I even lived with she and Grandad when I was a teenager, I thought I would die with grief when she died,I really did.Now,I am the Nanny,my Nans wisdom, kindness and love come through me to my little Granddaughter everyday.Your Nan hasn't left you,she'll be with you always.❤️

Thank you 🩷

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Pumpkinseason3 · 31/12/2024 13:29

@LibbyL92 I’m so so sorry for your loss 💐 My grandparents were my best friends - I lost my Nana 8 years ago now and my Papa 2.5 years ago. I was closer to them than my parents and losing them were some of the hardest times of my life. At the time I just had no idea how I was going to navigate the rest of my life.

It won’t feel like it now, but time really is a healer. I still find myself overwhelmed by grief sometimes but I now smile and laugh at memories more than I cry.

I had my first child a few years after my Nana passed and the first night I had him home, I felt my Nana beside his crib. I could feel her presence and I could smell her perfume and I know she was there to see him.

My advice to you just now would be to spend time with your Grandad. Talk to him about all the little things. As overwhelmed with grief as we were, some of my favourite moments with my Papa were us sitting with a box of old photographs after my Nana had passed and him telling me all about their story - how they met, their lives before I ever knew them. I’m forever thankful to have had the chance to talk to him about life. And my biggest honour was getting to name my son after him and have him meet my baby.

Thank you for appreciating grandparents the way they should be @LibbyL92. It kills me when I see people take them for granted. Sending you lots of love ❤️

Original poster

LibbyL92 · 01/01/2025 02:00

Disturbia81 · 31/12/2024 08:41

Some say you're lucky to only just be mourning grandparents when some people have lost parents, siblings but to me it's not about the title, it's what they individually meant to you and some grandparents mean more than actual parents. I'm so sorry for your loss she'll always be with you. I talk to my lost ones all the time.

It’s true. She was such a huge part of my life. Like another mother to me.

thank you x

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Original poster

LibbyL92 · 01/01/2025 02:02

Pumpkinseason3 · 31/12/2024 13:29

@LibbyL92 I’m so so sorry for your loss 💐 My grandparents were my best friends - I lost my Nana 8 years ago now and my Papa 2.5 years ago. I was closer to them than my parents and losing them were some of the hardest times of my life. At the time I just had no idea how I was going to navigate the rest of my life.

It won’t feel like it now, but time really is a healer. I still find myself overwhelmed by grief sometimes but I now smile and laugh at memories more than I cry.

I had my first child a few years after my Nana passed and the first night I had him home, I felt my Nana beside his crib. I could feel her presence and I could smell her perfume and I know she was there to see him.

My advice to you just now would be to spend time with your Grandad. Talk to him about all the little things. As overwhelmed with grief as we were, some of my favourite moments with my Papa were us sitting with a box of old photographs after my Nana had passed and him telling me all about their story - how they met, their lives before I ever knew them. I’m forever thankful to have had the chance to talk to him about life. And my biggest honour was getting to name my son after him and have him meet my baby.

Thank you for appreciating grandparents the way they should be @LibbyL92. It kills me when I see people take them for granted. Sending you lots of love ❤️

Thank you for your lovely message.

i truly believe in our loved ones visiting us. I’m hoping my Nan does. It’s such a comfort.

i was with my grandad today. It was a hard day but we were together.

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Lovemusic82 · 03/01/2025 21:33

Sorry for your loss OP, I lost my Nan a week ago too, she also passed in her sleep, she was well the days before her death so it was a bit of a shock. I went to see her after she passed, I think I wanted to see that she passed peacefully and it looked as though she did but I’m still having flashbacks of seeing her when I’m in bed at night. I know she died exactly how she wanted to die (at home, in her own bed and in her sleep), she was 97 and had a long amazing life. But it’s still hard as she was such a big part of my life especially as a child as she would look after me when my mum was working. I have lots of great memories which I will cherish forever but I still feel sad….sad that she didn’t see the new year and didn’t get to use her Christmas gifts, sad that I didn’t go and see her before Christmas. Hopefully things will get easier in time xx