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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

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Original poster

I have the inquest on 7th May, don't know how I am feeling or what to expect

52 replies

Mummy2TandF · 21/04/2008 22:47

As the title says really - the inquest date is 7th May and I really don't know what to expect, I have had a court summons to attend (apparently because I identified dh) and smebody has mentioned that I might have to be sworn in and make a statement ... I don't know what to expect and don't think I will have the strength or composure to "give evidence" not that I have any really ... just don't know how I am feeling about it or how I will get through the day or the build up to it ... can anybody shed any light on what I should expect on the day?

OP posts:

justjules · 21/04/2008 22:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Mummy2TandF · 21/04/2008 23:28

Thanks for bumping for me

OP posts:

Copingquietly · 21/04/2008 23:33

im sorry i have no idea what youve been through but stay strong.

god bless you x

Flibbertyjibbet · 21/04/2008 23:37

I attended an inquest once. I won't go into details but suffice to say it was the 90 year old lady next to me and our houses were shown on the local bit after the 10 o'clock news....

Well actually, the old lady was found unconcious in a cold house in November. We noticed her curtains had not been opened all day and got the police to break in. She was rambling that some men had come in the house so the inquest was to determine whether she had just fallen in the house and not been able to get up, suffered hypothermia and never recovered which resulted in her death a week later. Or was she actually attacked by men who tricked her into opening the door, and died of her injuries/hypothermia a week later.

Sorry for all that detail but it sets the scene. The inquest was to try and determine the cause of death.

I was at the inquest as I gave a police statement regarding the last time I heard her tv on. Another neighbour was there because they had regularly gone in the house to look after her, entered with the police that day and saw where she was etc and that the doors were still locked from the inside etc.

So, the inquest. Will just post this now while I type the rest as otherwise internet boots out and I lose all my typing.

Its a few years ago let me see if I can rattle my memory.

Flibbertyjibbet · 21/04/2008 23:46

We went into one of the full blown courtrooms which was a bit daunting. But were spoken to by I think the court clerk who explained where we would go if we were called to give evidence. In the event we didn't get called.

We were not sworn in, but would have been if we had been asked to give the evidence that we gave in our statements.

The official (it wasn't a judge but can't remember the term) read out all the such as the locks being still locked from the inside, she was lying by an overturned chair in her bedroom, what she was wearing. He spoke about bruises and said that they were found to be consistent with attempts at revival by the ambulance crew not an attack.
I think because all the evidence pointed so conclusively to her trying to stand on a chair and falling, there was no need for the witnesses to add anything or be questioned about it on the day.

Sorry for this detail now I hope it does not upset you or fill you with dread but its what happened and I found it sad, her relatives all got upset at this point - The official read a report which made it obvious that an autopsy had been carried out and it wasn't nice to think of that being done.

It was all over and done with in about 40 mins I think. The officials were really nice to the family and made sure that everyone knew what would happen, where to sit etc.

I was only there as a witness, I have read your threads so I know the reason for your inquest and I hope that you have the same kind of sympathetic offials and that its not too traumatic for you.

orangehead · 21/04/2008 23:50

No experience but will be thinking of you

Original poster

Mummy2TandF · 22/04/2008 00:15

FJ - Thank you for taking the time to post that! I do recognise your name from my other threads I think? I was under the impression that the coroner would be in contact with me to let me know what to expect etc, but I have left 5 messages for her in the last 2 weeks and she hasn't returned my call once In addition to that the chap that actually found Craig still contacts me every so often (so kind and thoughtfull of him) and he hasn't been called to the inquest and wasn't even aware of it - I would have thought that he would have been one of the first people to be called ... I am just a bit worried, I would hate for an open verdict to be given and I feel that the coroner has been very lax in lots of areas ... but that's probably another thread entirely

OP posts:

solodad · 22/04/2008 08:34

Bump

DutchOma · 22/04/2008 08:38

Would you get more of a reply if you posted this also in the legal thread?
So sorry to hear that this is now an extra worry

beansprout · 22/04/2008 08:45

I had to give evidence at an inquest once. A friend committed suicide and had left me a note so I was asked about her state of mind leading up to her death.

It was held in a small court. The main difference is that they are trying to establish the facts surrounding a death, and not build a case for prosecution/defence so nobody is trying to get you to say anything other than the truth. It won't last too long. The hardest part for me was how dry the proceedings felt for something that was so painful. I'm so sorry for your loss.

MrsTittleMouse · 22/04/2008 08:50

I'm so sorry to hear that. An inquest was held into the death of a close relative of mine several years ago. I had put a lot of faith in the whole process (which was completely unrealistic), and I suppose that I wanted it to provide the "answers" for me, which it didn't do. It's common to have a whole load of emotions as it approaches, just like regular grief, but with a whole extra layer. So there is no "right" way to feel. The whole court will be very sympathetic to your loss though, and it will not be like a traditional criminal court at all. Can you take someone with you to be a supportive presence and take you for a cup of tea afterwards?
Like I said, I'm really sorry that you have to go through this.

hazygirl · 22/04/2008 11:16

my dh and myself attended the inquest of my grandson in october 2007, i was not sure what to expect but dh was like you and had to identify him .the police were fantastic and t he coroners assistant who i must say stayed in contact from december when the inquest was opened till october when ended.they did warn us that there was a few reporters in the court and there was nothing they could do about this,but said after court they would escort us out the building to our car,but they left us alone. i expected the inquest to be the end,the coroner registered his death as sudden unexpected death/cot death. i suppose i expected life to get better after this,its supposed to be the closure,everyone said,but its hard still.i must say staff were brillant the coroner asked several times did we want to outside while they did certain details,the pathologist passed me as she walked into the court and put her hand on my shoulder,outside the court she told me what lovely little man he was ,and sorry she couldnt give me the answer why. im sure you will be fine ,a big hug from mex

Shhhh · 22/04/2008 15:33

m2taf, just caught up with your other thread and this one...

No advice im sorry BUT bumping to keep this thread going. Kep posting on mn as its nice to have you around. The website for craig is lovely and I have lit a candle for you all..

Sorry to hear things are not going to well, remember you will have up & down days. Be kind to yourself and allow yourselt time to grieve and to remember craig as you want to....It may take 12 months, maybe 12 years...all that matters is that you look after yourself and toby & freya. Things will get easier.

IMO solodad is a good "companion" iykwim as it seems you are in the same situation although he is about 6 months further on.....keep smiling xxx

mummypoppins · 22/04/2008 18:06

Mummy2 tand F as a probate lawyer we do come across these things from time to time. All the experience I have had is that it is much more informal than any court proceedings and you should be well looked after both by the police and the coroners assistant.

Dissappointed that they havent returned your calls. I would be more than happy to ring them on your behalf if that would help. Sometimes having a solicitor ring does the trick.

You shouldnt get an open verdict I feel. I havent caught up with your threads lately but did they get any further on the link to Marfans...remeber my father died of it and my brother whose a dr has it too.

How are your finances doing ?? Did you get benefits sorted.....

Original poster

Mummy2TandF · 22/04/2008 19:01

Thank you all for sharing your stories, it is "nice" to be as prepared as I can be.
Shhh - solodad has been a great support actually, it is good to "know" someone with similar aged dc's who is a bit further on - proof that it is doable!
Mummypoppins - I have a few benefits coming in now but they don't amount to enough to live on .... I am still fighting the dss for assistance with some of the interest on my mortgage, they still stand by the fact that the widow parent pension takes me over income support level, so therefore they don't want to budge ... I may be wearing them down though
It's funny you should mention the marfans because it is really playing on my mind - as you may remember my dr thought I was a bit of a paranoid nutter mum, especially as Craig hadn't been diagnosed with marfans. The coroner has told me that they wont be giving a verdict as Marfans because they can't diagnose it post mortem, so I will probably be looking at an open verdict/SADS. Which also means it will be harder to get the dc's seen as their daddy "didn't have" marfans I couldn't accept this and found a top dr (I think) who tests for Marfans pre-natally, I emailed her and told her my story ... she said that she thinks the children need to be seen by a marfans expert and that she would be happy to see me and if I could bring photos of Craig, she would be able to give me an opinion on whether she thinks he had Marfans, she will also give the children blood tests.

OP posts:

ScarletPimpernel1976 · 22/04/2008 20:46

Mummy2TandF :
please ring this organisation - they run a confidential helpline where you can ask any questions about the inquest process in England and Wales and they also have an information pack here which you can download and which sets out what to expect at an inquest.

I work in this area so might be able to answer any questions you have if you'd prefer. If you give me your email address I would be happy to discuss more privately...

Flibbertyjibbet · 22/04/2008 21:45

Don't worry I didn't sit here all last night keyboard bashing - I touch type at 80+ wpm so I just tap it all in at not much slower than talking speed!

Original poster

Mummy2TandF · 22/04/2008 22:48

SP1976 - thank you so much for that link, I have had a read and will call them tomorrow - the leaflet on that link has given me more information than I have recieved in the last 8 months ... I would be very grateful if you wouldn't mind chatting via email, I have so many thoughts going round in my head - I don't really want to put my email address on here but I do have CAT if you do?

OP posts:

MARGOsBeenPlayingWithMyNooNoo · 22/04/2008 22:57

Mummy2TandF - It's taken so long to get to the inquest. I hope it's over soon and can provide you with a conclusion to Craigs' death. Thinking of you. x

WaynettaSlob · 22/04/2008 22:59

Can't offer any advice Mummy2TandF - just wanted to say "hi". I was wondering if this thread would be you when I saw the title.

Poledra · 22/04/2008 23:11

Juat to say that my dh and I attended an inquest a number of years ago after witnessing a fatal accident involving an elderly man on a bicycle. The police had come and taken comprehensive statements from us before the inquest. In the event, based on our statements, only my dh was called,as he was a passenger in a car I was driving so he had seen more than me. When we got to the court, someone (clerk or police, I don't remember which) came and spoke to dh and told him what to expect. He was sworn in then questioned by the coroner. The family of the man were also given the opportunity to question each of the witnesses. The coroner was very clear that he was not there to apportion blame, or seek any sort of 'conviction', rather, his task was to establish the facts surrounding the death. Everyone was very considerate of the loss to the family, and tolerant to the anger of the man's grandson, who was looking for someone to blame for his grandfather's death. In the end, the verdict was of accidental death, as it was just that - a tragic accident.
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. Be kind to yourself, and be strong together with your lovely children.

claricebeansmum · 22/04/2008 23:24

Some coroners courts have volunteers to help you through - they will tell you what is going on, what to expect, make sure you know where to get a cup of tea. They will stay with you throughout the day if you want. Can't remember the name of the service but you could call the court where the inquest will be held and ask them if someone will be available. They are volunteers but are trained to help people.

I think this is it

www.coronerscourtssupportservice.org.uk/

Original poster

Mummy2TandF · 22/04/2008 23:24

Poledra - Thank you for that, that is what is worrying me I think, there don't/doesn't seem to be any facts surrounding Craigs death ... He was fine one minute and not the next, the coroner has already said that the post mortem was inconclusive but they have not called (or informed) the person that actually found Craig to attend the inquest, I would have thought that his evidence would be invaluable - am quite confused

OP posts:

3questionmarks · 22/04/2008 23:30

I attended my father's inquest 3 years ago. We too had waited 7 months or so for the hearing, which was really difficult. The inquest itself, despite worries beforehand, was not a intimidating experience. It was a small modern court room and no other members of public or journalists present. My mum, my aunt and myself went along.

My recollection is on the hazy side to be honest, but it took around 30-45 mins. Certainly was not as involved as the criminal hearings listed above. My dad died of a sudden brain haemorrhage, the purpose of the inquest was to review the medical evidence and determine whether or not the death was accidental or not. Did he fall and have the bleed, or did he bleed and as a result collapse. I think two doctors spoke, medical records were read out and there were opportunities for us to ask them questions. I think my mum was asked to confirm various bits of info, but was not asked to speak at length.

Definitely take someone along with you. It's worse having something like this hanging over you and you will be relieved when it's over. All the best to you and your family.

ScarletPimpernel1976 · 23/04/2008 09:35

M2TandF - i've subscribed to CAT and sent you a message and my email address

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