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Original poster

I have the inquest on 7th May, don't know how I am feeling or what to expect

52 replies

Mummy2TandF · 21/04/2008 22:47

As the title says really - the inquest date is 7th May and I really don't know what to expect, I have had a court summons to attend (apparently because I identified dh) and smebody has mentioned that I might have to be sworn in and make a statement ... I don't know what to expect and don't think I will have the strength or composure to "give evidence" not that I have any really ... just don't know how I am feeling about it or how I will get through the day or the build up to it ... can anybody shed any light on what I should expect on the day?

OP posts:
smallwhitecat · 23/04/2008 09:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Mummy2TandF · 23/04/2008 22:52

Sacrlet - thank you very much
Smallwhitecat - None of the other family members have been summonsed(sp?) they just had invitations ... apparently I got one purely because I identified my dh - Thanks for your post, it is nice to know people are thinking of me

OP posts:
Original poster
Mummy2TandF · 23/04/2008 22:52

Scarlet even

OP posts:
bossybritches · 23/04/2008 23:00

M2T&F- a friend of mine was in the same situation last year ( different reasons but worried about the inquest) and she arranged to get the court a good bit earlier than needed so the court officer/usher (sorry forget the right title) could show her who sat where & run through the likely order of events.

She said it made all the difference not having to enter the court a) completely blind & b) with other people already there, she was in first. Apparently she was told if it had not been possible because of the timing of HER case she could have gone earlier that week for a quiet look.

Might not be possible in all areas but worth an ask if you can get through. Try asking a secretary?

maggie61 · 24/04/2008 10:50

I attended the inquest of my little boy in 2001, he died whilst crossing a road with me.

The inquest is a nerve racking experience and the lead up a difficult time, but if my experience is any thing to go by please try not to get to worked up by it.

It is seen by the coroner as a fact finding process not blame, he was very caring and compassionate to me, i did have to swear on the bible and he read from my statement, there was even a light moment as there was a page missing from his copy so it did nt make sense and i pointed this out to him , it eased the tension slightly.

I had my dh for support, sorry that is rubbung it in for your situation, but i hope you can find someone to support you through it, could the man that found Craig go with you, i am surprised he does not have to attend, it would help him to find some closure around what happened ,sorry i don,t really like that phrase, but am struggling to find the words to ease this for you.

Iappreciate my situation is different, i hope you get the care and compassion i experienced, the coroner summed up ( it was accidental death ) and said no mum can hold on to their child for every moment of the day and i was not to blame myself. He did nt need to say that , so i did get a positive light from the inquest and hope you can to.

solodad · 25/04/2008 20:47

M2T&F, I've not had any experience of attending an inquest, but reading the rest of this thread, it looks like you will be "looked after" by the court officials. I hope you can draw some 'comfort' from that.

Shhhh thank you for your kind words, I'm lost for words to reply.

droopytits · 05/05/2008 21:28

m2t&f - just wanted to let you know I will be thinking of you tomorrow. I hope you can stay strong on what will be such a difficult day for you.

Yorkiegirl · 05/05/2008 21:32

Message withdrawn

droopytits · 05/05/2008 22:57

of course I meant on the 7th m2t&f - ahead of myself, sorry.

solodad · 06/05/2008 08:00

M2T&F, Will be thinking of you on Wednesday, hope it goes well. Stay Strong, its another hurdle that will be crossed. Good luck

Lulumama · 06/05/2008 08:07

just to add my support to you. x

Buda · 06/05/2008 08:15

Will be thinking of you too.

You are doing really well. You may not think so as I know you still have very down moments and times when you feel you can't go on but they will become further apart. The first year is bound to be the hardest.

Getting through the inquest will be one more hurdle that you have scaled.

mummypoppins · 06/05/2008 12:54

Good Luck from me too..do post and let us know how you get on.

xxxxx

Twinkie1 · 06/05/2008 12:57

Thinking of you honey.

Offer still stands if you want company just CAT me or come up to one of the meets one day.

Twinkie XXX

DutchOma · 07/05/2008 09:14

Thinking of you today.

bundle · 07/05/2008 09:15

thinking of you, x

WingsofanAngel · 07/05/2008 12:08

Thinking of you. x

Original poster
Mummy2TandF · 07/05/2008 21:03

hi everyone, Thank You for your posts - well we had the inquest today - it was delayed because the man who found Craig thought it was tomorrow and we had to wait an hour and a half for him to arrive. and the local press attended, so it will now appear in the papers It has transpired that every authority that attended made a complete hash of things - the air ambulance couldn't find the lake and didn't arrive for over half an hour, the police had never heard of the lake and an argument ensued as to whose "patch" it fell under - Essex or Met, so therefore it was over 2 hours before they arrived and the Paramedics statement said they have a sketchy memory of the events because they had 2 young male deaths to attend that evening , they even stated there was an off duty nurse there, which the man who found Craig confirmed there wasn't!!! Having said all of this, even though I am really , it would't have changed the outcome, unfortunately Craig had died before he had even been found - the pathologist said that it would have been instant and that nothing would have been able to be done. They have recorded the cause of death as SADS (natural causes) and she said that they couldn't confirm that he had Marfans Syndrome but also couldn't rule it out but it was not the cause of death, Craig had a spontanious arrythmia(sp?) which caused the SADS. The pathologist has said that I need to have the children checked and also tested for marfans - they will proably have to be checked every 6 months ..... So there it is - a horrible day and I don't feel "at peace" having finalised things - I still don't understand ... my priority now is getting the dc's seen. Thank you again for listening.

OP posts:
RubySlippers · 07/05/2008 21:08

that sounds like a hard day

i really think that the police etc should sort themselves out so as not to add to your grief and upset

am so sorry for what you have had to go through
xxxxx

hertsnessex · 07/05/2008 21:10

sorry to hear everything was so badly handled. thinking of you all xxx

cazzybabs · 07/05/2008 21:12

I am so sorry. It sounds like it was awful. Thinking of you.

DutchOma · 08/05/2008 09:04

I'm sure you are going through all the "if only's". You know it is useless but you can't help yourself. Praying for you that things will get better over time and that you will find the help for the children. Have you been in touch with Mummypoppins at all?
Hoping for a better day for you today.
Big hugs

Waytmi · 09/05/2008 22:15

Sorry to have not posted before but been thinking of you all week and hoping you got thru it ok...
Sounds awful tho
Will google Marfans as never heard of it and hope dc ok xxx

Poledra · 09/05/2008 22:24

MummyT2andF, I'm sorry that the services let your family down so badly. And I'm even more sorry that you have not yet found the peace you need. I don't know what else to say, other than that I'm thinking of you and your family. I was listening to a radio programme with the actor Richard E Wilson today and, when talking about the loss if his first child, he said that in his experience, you never got over the grief, you got round it - I hope you can get round your grief and find your peace.

Poledra · 09/05/2008 22:25

Richard E *Grant8, sorry