Anyone else already dreading Christmas

[Justanotherusername27]

Just that really. Lost my precious mum in March probably 20/30 years too soon. Christmas was always a massive deal for my family but now it fills me with dread. Anyone else?

Yes, I lost my mum in march and feel exactly the same.
I'm going to be very aware of looking after my mental health this Christmas, if it means being selfish then so be it.
We have decided (close family) that we will splurge and go out for Xmas dinner as I don't think any of us will cope very well being in mum and dad's house or our house where we would usually gather.

X

Sadly yes. I lost my mum in January. She spent her last Christmas in hospital with not really much clue what was going on. She always really enjoyed Christmas. Even though it's still summer I'm dreading Christmas. She should still be here

I am so sorry that you both are going through this too. It is truly horrible.

2023 was my first Christmas without my Mum and she had only died in September. For me I’ve found the run up to birthday, mother day and christmas worse than the actual day. But yes, it’s shit.

I’m in the same boat. My beloved mum died in March this year. She’d been ill for only a few months and last Christmas was hideous dealing with her delirium caused aggression.

Id quite happily skip Christmas this year but I have 2 SEN kids who rely on routine and continuity so there’s no chance we won’t be ‘celebrating’ this year.

sometimes I miss my mum so much it literally takes my breath away.

I'm with you OP and all the other posters. I lost my mum suddenly in June. I can't bear the thought of going to the house, she was an amazing cook and always did a fabulous Christmas dinner. We are going to take my dad out for Christmas lunch this year. Hugs to everyone else going through this.

I lost my 13 year old son to cancer in April. He loved Christmas. He became terminal in March and he died 4 weeks later and last Christmas we knew he was ill but at that time we had no reason to think that would be the last one. My mum has invited us for a family Christmas but I feel like curling up in a ball.

Lost my mum early December last year with the funeral in January so last Christmas we felt like we were in limbo and I felt like I couldn't quite grieve yet

She was very advanced Alzheimer's and hasn't been my mum for some years so in one way I was already grieving that loss, it's hard to explain

My dad likes a full Christmas meal but the last few years has refused to come to any family on the day and suspect this year will be no different

I can't really say I miss her as such due to the advanced Alzheimer's effect but every now and again something triggers me to tears. I would say for roughly the last 15 years of her life she was beginning to show signs of the illness and she outlived the standard prognosis by a long way. Christmas will never be the same but I'm a grandma now so I need to make new traditions if we can as a family.

Hugs to everyone mourning the loss of a parent

Yes as looking very likely we'll be homeless

Lost my wife in January so a lot of firsts to get through this year.

She loved celebrating Christmas with all the family, so it'll be very difficult this year.

Yes, lost my husband in May and I’m dreading the first Christmas without him and trying to appear happy for the children

@Downtoyou so very sorry for your heartbreaking loss. Curl tight into that ball. I lost a son many years ago, when I look back I wonder why I put myself in situations that were difficult instead of letting myself grieve how I needed to.

Much love to you @Downtoyou

Either keep it exactly the same (itll be a bit different)
Or do something completely different. Go away, go out for lunch etc She would want you and your children to enjoy Christmas and

Hi guys thank you all so much for replying. I was feeling so sad last night and just checked on this now. I’m so sorry for all of your losses, it’s so heartbreaking to read these.

@Downtoyou I can’t even begin to comprehend what a strong person you are or what you are going through. I know no words will be enough but I’m so sorry. We will get through it because we have to.

last Christmas my mum had been diagnosed ten days before and she was trying to be present but I could tell she was scared. I promised her she would be there for the next one. My heart breaks at the memory.

we will all get through cause we have to. Our loved ones would want us to have a lovely day. I’m scared though. Sick of constant reminders of what I’ve lost x

I’m dreading it. DH died early this year. I’m dreading being invited to the work Christmas do (I will decline), shopping for DC, and the day itself. I don’t even know if I will go anywhere but I’m still dreading the pity invite from siblings who have previously said they prefer to be just their own small family for the day.

I’ve been crying most of the afternoon as it is, listening to all the families doing things together in their garden today. I’m missing him so much.

He had such an awful death and it feels like the pain of missing him is getting worse. I think I was just numb from the horror of it all until now.

It was 2 months before Christmas 2023 for us. I was still in shock, have little kids, hosted my remaining parent, and just went through the motions. How I did any of it I still don't know. All I wanted to do was go for a bloody walk.
It is 10 months now and I feel better than I did a couple of months ago, still shit, but more optimistic. I am trying to look forward to Christmas for the sake of my children. They won't be little and believe in Santa for long. My dead parent loved Christmas when my sibling, and I were little, and wouldn't want me to be sad. I am looking forward to festive events with my dcs, buying for my loved ones who are fortunately still alive.
I will forever miss my dead parent, yearn to buy for them, say merry Christmas, hug etc. However, I will visit the grave and deliver a card, & wreath, buy a Christmas tree ornament in their memory, and bake their favourite cakes. The memories will be kept a live, and they will be always be a very special and important part of Christmas, even in death. Things will never be the same again, but at least my parent is very much still with me, and in my heart.

I came to the bereavement board today because I'm struggling with exactly this thought and feeling very alone. I feel very sad at the prospect of another Christmas without my family while almost everyone around me still has theirs.

@GargantuanPitOfGrief I'm so sorry for your loss and the pain you're going through. My experiences are different but I can relate to crying at the sound of families in their gardens and feeling that the pain was growing not receding. I don't know if this will be any use to you (and if it's not then please ignore it), but someone once told me to allow yourself to be numb sometimes and at others to slightly turn towards the pain and allow yourself to feel it in a small dose. That way you can begin to process the awfulness gradually and the rawness of the pain can begin to drain away without totally overwhelming you. Crying can be really helpful to allow some of the pain and stress to release even if initially only slightly and for a short time. Crying doesn't mean you're not coping or won't cope, it can be what helps you cope.

Sorry if that doesn't make sense. Sending you hugs if you want them 💐

I'm sorry for everyone's losses here. I feel the same- this time of year thoughts begin to turn to Christmas and I feel dread. I have two kids so will need to just get through it one way or another for them. My mum used to do all these little things every year - tiny personal presents in the crackers, making a Christmas cake for my partner as he likes it. It hurts my heart that I never told her how much it all meant to me.

@TashBear Your Mum will have known how much it meant; this will be why she did it. Actions speak louder than words, you didn't need to say, I promise. 💐

Thank you for that comforting perspective @TOOearlyForChristmas I guess you're right.

I feel the same you're definitely not alone ❤️ Anything that used to involve your loved one becomes a reminder that they're not there and it hurts. I've found the days before big dates (birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries) are completely debilitating for me but the actual day is more manageable. I'm hoping with time the build up anxiety will ease.

I remember the first Christmas after we lost my mum. Again about 20 years too soon.

I built up to this awful feeling of dread because she also loved Christmas.

Not saying it was easy but for us doing it differently has been the key.

First year we had Xmas dinner on Xmas eve with secret Santa. Played silly games which she couldn't handle the last few years if her life due to feeling too ill.

Second year we went to a siblings with his partners parents also there. It felt easier again not being at my intents doing the same thing but not with everyone there.

No idea of this years plans yet.

Before that my sibling gets married and I'm trying to get my head around my mum not being there.

It gets easier but I don't think the grief ever goes away. You just find a new normal.

Mum died in April. Have spent every Christmas with her for 60 years. Dreading it this year.

Such lovely replies. Sending so much love to you all. On the 6th of December last year I was sat at my mums kitchen table just talking about how glad I was my maternity was nearly starting and discussing Christmas and my new baby… this was never on the cards she wouldn’t be here for this one. Christmas 2023 she was trying to put a brave face on but she was so scared. The whole thing is so traumatic.

You are very welcome op. They say grief is love with nowhere to go. I think they're right.
I lost a parent last year, and I have to look forward for my young dcs. Last year was the toughest, because the death was so close to Christmas, and I was just going through the motions. I had presents that I couldn't wrap. It was absolutely horrendous.
This year still feels strange, and empty. When ever I feel sad, I hear my df's voice "you have to live your life love, look after those dcs, everybody has to die sometime!" I know this is right, it is still shit timing, which I would remind him off if he was here, and it doesn't stop it hurting like hell. I used to say, "I should have said this, I should have said that." A relative said "he knew." Actions speak louder than words. When you have a close loving bond, you just know. I will buy df a tree ornament and put a poinsettia wreath on his grave. Even in death, we are still connected. Nobody can take that away op, your Mum will always be with you. 💐💕