Direct Cremation - no chapel of rest

[ERN79]

My Mum is looking into arranging a direct cremation for when she passes away.
Whilst I'm not averse to not having a funeral, I'm struggling with the fact that I won't be able to visit her in a chapel of rest.
For those who have experience of a direct cremation, how long are you able to spend with the deceased person before they are taken away?
Do you regret not arranging a normal funeral? Have you felt it easier to greive not having to struggle through a funeral?
I would appreciate people's thoughts.

Becsue a direct cremation is where a person is directly cremated. Literally no funeral is what it is about.

@ERN79 similar position here

mum doesn't actually care what happens

I can't face dealing with all the horrible people who would want to attend a funeral - sadly she has a lot of unpleasant friends! - but I can't imagine there not being a chapel of rest. I spent a couple of hours with dad after he died and then again at the chapel of rest. It was helpful to me, though I know some people don't wish to do it.

I'm reassured to see one poster say they did get this. If I could keep the funeral private I wouldn't mind but that strikes me as being a nigh on impossible task.

My comment below is on being with the body after death, not on the direct cremation part.

My DH died at home, after he died I sat with him for some time (20-30 mins).
I then rang the funeral directors, who I know professionally, and they asked if I wanted him collecting immediately or would prefer to spend some more time with him. Due to other family members we arranged that they would collect his body about 3 hours later.

So, if someone dies at home you can spend time with them before the removal of their body.
No least because whichever funeral service you use, they wouldn't be collecting the body until you have informed them of the death - and that part is up to you.

Thank you. Never occurred to me to state it's a private cremation, I guess I am still struggling to process the entire situation. I can see a place for this type of service, it's definitely not one I want to be involved in again, although there is the surviving parent who wants the same. No idea what parent plans to do with the ashes. It's such a personal choice.

I know this thread is a little old. Can I just suggest to anyone looking for a more cost-effective/simple option to speak to your local independent funeral director? It's likely they will offer a very similar service. Our funeral director's direct option would actually be cheaper than eg Pure Cremations. And he was incredibly kind and gentle, and stands out as someone who truly helped us.

Personally, I believe funerals are for the living, not the dead. We have funerals for good reason – to help people mourn. My dad was incredibly shocked and upset to discover that my mum had bought a direct cremation plan. It made a difficult time worse. We were able to get a refund and spend the money on a simple service that was right for us.

I have stated to my family that I would like a direct cremation unless they would prefer to do otherwise. I just want them to know they they shouldn't have to feel they need to do an elaborate funeral and they know I would prefer the cost saving!

This is what I am doing next week for myself. I have no family other than my husband and I don't want a funeral. I contacted our local funeral director whom I know and he confirmed they would be able to arrange everything. I won't die any sooner!

I asked a local funeral director to organise my late Dads direct cremation
we had the opportunity of a chapel of rest but didn’t use this
we were told of time and date of cremation but didn’t attend and received his ashes back a few days after
we then had a family celebration day and scattered his ashes
i had discussed all of this with him whilst he was on palliative care and he had met the celebrant as well
it was a good way for us to do things as a family without a trip to the crematorium and all of the cars etc

I'm glad to hear that people know that local funeral directors can do exactly what Pure Cremations etc do. The extra, important bit is that your surviving family members can, if they wish, talk in person to someone kind and caring, and there's always the option to do a little more (like a chapel of rest) if they decide they need that when the time comes. We don't always know what we'll feel or need, until we're there.

I am forever grateful to our funeral director.

My friend signed up for this a couple of months ago, after being unwell for a few months (but fobbed off with it’s menopause). She said she didn’t want people showing up at her funeral when they couldn’t be bothered with her when she was alive.

Unbelievably, just two months after signing up, she has been diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer this week which has spread to her brain. Today she reminded myself and her daughter that she has this plan and that this is her wish, and she would like a small group of family and very close friends only to go to scatter her ashes and maybe have a meal or something to remember her by. I guess its her wish and we have to respect it. Just can’t believe that so soon after signing up she’s been told she has terminal cancer. Just so sad, and struggling to make sense of everything, a real shock. Just practically and emotionally supporting as best I can.

I’m having one, I’m doing a pay monthly plan through a local funrral directors who cremated my parents. I wouldn’t use a nationwide firm.

I haven't invested in one yet but it's something I'm interested in.

I don't like the conveyor-belt funerals I've been to recently. They don't help me grieve. They just are identikit and the impersonal.

I also don't like the whole idea of the body still housing the person. The person is gone. It's, for me, a catch-up to accept this fact. They are dead, that's it, I've got to get used to the fact. Therefore I don't mind if bodies are stored at airports.

I think it's far better to cremate quickly then properly plan a memorial service. I want my ashes on the lecturn. I want a disco at my memorial service. I want my life remembered properly.