DH died suddenly 10 days ago - why so calm?

[wink1970]

My beloved DH of 23 years died over Easter of a stroke - it was not painless, the staff at Canterbury hospital and the initial attending paramedics were beyond awful (another thread for the legal section when I’m ready). I saw him die.

I'm struggling with how calm I am. It was sudden and to say we were happy is an understatement. I loved him with my entire soul, we did everything together, only 12 days apart in all that time.

why I am I so calm? I’m having waves of tears and I need to be strong for his kids (grown up, also handling surprisingly ok), and we did often discuss this as he had cancer 15 years ago ……. But still, why’s this going on? I’m going to crash and burn aren’t I? Just need to know so I can prepare.

thank you. This is awful for us all, I wish you all peace and eventual happiness xxx

@wink1970 I love that idea of you sitting together and ranting at the telly. Such wonderful normalness.

I promise to treasure every minute with my DH in honour of you and yours ❤️

Try not to worry about anyone else grief. That's not your job. They have to manage their own and in a respectful way to you and your children.

I'm so so sorry OP. Huge hug from me ❤️

So sorry. I hope all goes smoothly for the funeral.

at the weekend I dug up the front garden under the dining room (disclaimer - I paid friend’s husband to do it! ) I know he’d disagree, but I have had to change where I sit at the table, otherwise I’m looking at his empty chair.

Yes, I did something similar. DH died in bed, so I turned the bedroom round, so that I no longer look across to see where he died.

And yes too, to sitting together and watching the telly - it's those times just sitting together companionably that I miss as much as anything.

The funeral may go better than you think it could - I found that those who came gave me strength to carry on.

Just checking in OP, hope the funeral went as well as could have done

Glad you’re still putting one foot in front of the other and doing ok. I think you will be so focused on the funeral going how you planned it that you’ll not notice other people’s grief too much. And the wake afterwards is always a bit cathartic when people end up talking about memories and smiling. Wishing you strength. You’re doing so well.