Transporting bedbound person to a funeral

[thisoldchestnutyetagain]

Does anyone have experience of getting someone who is bedbound to a funeral? A sad story, my fil died recently and we are trying to think through all the steps and options to get his wife to his funeral, which is likely to be in a church around 1/2 mile away. Will a private ambulance wait for the duration? Do we pay for carers / nurses to help lift her correctly into a wheelchair? (This has happened only maybe 4 times in 3 years for hospital visits, so we’re not even sure if she could physically sit for an hour or so.) It feels like a jigsaw and any experience of this would be so appreciated.

This is a very sad situation. But honestly it might be kinder for all involved if she didn’t attend.

could the funeral be live-streamed and someone sit with her at home? Maybe the person doing the eulogy (vicar, celebrant?) could talk to her beforehand so she feels included?

I wouldn't even attempt it, the movement alone could be too much stress for her body. Stream it to home, and have a few people to help her get through it. And just get whoever is taking the ceremony to mention that she's unable to attend in person but is watching from home. What an awful situation for you all.

i think best they watch online
most churches and funeral organisers now very well set up for this

As pp said I wouldn't even attempt it. The funeral of her husband would be difficult under normal circumstances but it sounds like that would be adding further physical and emotional strain. The logistics will be incredibly difficult & you don't know if she can physically cope. I wouldn't attempt it.

I'd get the person conducting the service to make sure she's involved in all the decisions and live stream it to her. Acknowledging she's watching would be nice. And make sure she has someone with her

I agree it may be preferable if she watched online.

However, I'd speak with the funeral directors as they should be able to help!

I used to do private nursing in patient's own home. From my experience with private ambulances I'd say they could help your MIL attend the funeral.

Like first responders in NHS ambulances they are not just transporters - I assume they are trained paramedics as the vehicles are fully kitted out in the latest equipment

They take people to hospital appointment, then return them home, and take ill patients between hospitals, so there is no reason why they can't safely take someone to a funeral and back.

Does she want to attend ? If she is fully aware and is desperate to go then maybe have a practice getting her out of bed into a wheelchair a few times first. My mum is bed bound and to be honest she wouldn’t be able to get out of bed now under any circumstances. If she’s in a care home see what the staff think. Sorry for the sad situation. The live streaming is probably the best option.

Can she sit up? She couldn’t sit safely in a wheelchair for an hour without any core strength of some sort. But if she has managed to sit for appts then perhaps? Some people are taken on stretchers though and transferred to a hospital bed for appt…
Does she have any community OT involvement at all? Does she have mental capacity to have an opinion on what she wants?

It would be possible but would be logistically difficult and expensive. Would the church have access for a stretcher for example? If she has a couple of hours sitting tolerance/trunk control then it would be easier as she can be transferred into a wheelchair if OT recommends she can be hoisted. I would start with an OT assessment to see if this is possible from a moving and handling perspective.

Best all round would be a live stream - quite common these days.

Thanks so much. My inclination was towards watching virtually too, but you’ve given me some thoughts for consideration, especially a physical assessment from a pro, rather than just us trying to work it out.

Great idea about the vicar visiting - thank you.

We sorted this for our aunt. The nursing home got her up into a wheelchair and one of the carers came with us and aunt in a hearse which took a wheelchair and followed the coffin. The undertakers then took us all, aunt and the carer back to the nursing home where we joined them for a sandwich/cake in a small lounge at the home. The undertakers were so kind and couldnt have been more helpful.

I think actually being at a funeral is very important. I have really bitterly regretted missing one or two even when I had very good reasons for it, and this is her husband. If she wants to be there I would do everything I could to facilitate it.

indeed
but by the sounds of it… getting this person to the funeral will be an enormous mission for the family / people facilitating it and will no doubt result in the bed bound person suffering for the effort in the following days

I have done this working for a private ambulance provider.

Yes absolutely. I would still do it though if she wants to be there. In her shoes I would want to be almost regardless of the obstacles and I would really resent it if I felt like I was being pressured not to go because it was difficult to organise.

sometime what we want simply isn’t in our own best interests and / or that of family

bedbound

that isn’t just “difficult to organise”

If she's bedbound, is she continent?
That was more the issue with taking my mostly bedbound MIL out: changing nappies.

How is it not in her own best interests not to be at her husband's funeral if she wants to be? I just can't really imagine anything more important. Of course if it's not that important to her then that's different but in that case I don't imagine the OP would have asked about it.

if the exertion results in massive deterioration (odd you can’t see that)

and seeing fact that her family
facilitating this will likely be very stressed and not able to concentrate on the funeral themselves likely to make her feel guilty

A private ambulance with paramedics could do this if booked well enough in advance. What does she actually want? Would she be happy to be in the back of an ambulance unsupported with strangers, maybe in her nightwear and then to attend the service with them at her side? Because they wouldn't just push her in and leave her. Maybe she wouldn't mind at all, but lots of elderly frail couldn't cope with it at all.

@KnickerlessParsons If she's bed bound she would be wearing pads anyway and could be warmly dressed ready for transporting using a wheelchair if she's able and feels up to the short journey to the funeral. Funeral directors will have access to hearses that accomodate wheelchair passengers. Nothing would have kept my aunt from her DH of 60yrs funeral in the same circumstances and the care home and funeral directors were only too happy to enable her to say goodbye to her darling husband.

If it tires her out to go to the funeral then she could return to the care home afterwards and not attend the wake.

op isn’t confident the patient could be lifted in to a wheelchair and to sit for 1 hour

She wouldn't have to be. They would transfer her to a stretcher, not a wheelchair and put the back up so that she was reclining rather than laying down if possible. Unlikely that a wheelchair would be used at all. Depends on the accessibility of the venue though.