What do I do about work?

[CharlieBoff]

I lost my lovely mum last week. As I’ve no doubt you all know, the pain is indescribable and to be honest I feel like I’m being disrespectful in having to worry about practicalities.

I’ve previously had time off work due to ill health, and have taken this (last?) week off but have said I will be back in next week.

All I do is cry. Like, all the time, and the stupidest thing will set me off and I can barely parent or sleep or eat. I fucking hurt!

I feel like I need more time, but at the same time there is never going to be enough time, is there? Will it be better to be distracted, or to just be sad at home and attempt to sort things out?

Sorry, this is a very long-winded way of asking people’s experiences of when they returned to work and if they have any advice.

sorry it’s a bit ranty and jumbled x x

The Gp will sign you off for bereavement.

I recently lost DH and had a total of 5 weeks off. I still cry at the drop of a hat, and absolutely couldn’t have gone back earlier, but feel better for getting some structure back.
Take the time you need. I know someone who had 4 months off after her DM died.
I’m sorry for your loss

There are some shared experiences on here too
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/5016299-has-anyone-hadneeded-more-than-a-couple-of-weeks-off-work-following-bereavement-of-a-parent?reply=133329196

Only you know the answer. Bereavement is a very personal thing. When my mum died, I took no time off until the day of the funeral. But that’s me. I didn’t want to be moping at home.

It doesn’t sound like you’d be able to work, so go and see your GP.

So sorry for your loss OP. Unfortunately I know how you feel, my DM died in November. She passed on a Friday so I took that day and the following week off. At that point I felt like I needed some sort of 'normality' back and needed the routine pf getting up and going to work. It was another 2 weeks until her funeral and I just couldnt sit in the house until then. Im glad I went back, honestly I did very little, but my manager was really supportive and I just did what I could manage. Theres really no right answer, it totally depends on you. Your GP will sign you off sick if you need it

I was signed off two weeks off for my dad's death, and tbh (sorry) I really didn't feel that bad. I was just fragile enough to make it unwise to be at work, and I was also very busy. For dh's death I was off for two months, and it was very difficult going back (phased return) as it felt very early.

It does depend a bit what work you are doing, but it doesn't sound as if you are remotely fit to work yet

My mam died very suddenly and unexpectedly.. I ended up staying off until after her funeral (which took 6 weeks due to needing a post mortem).

It's such a personal thing and I was surrounded by love from my amazing colleagues which helped as I was under no pressure at all from them!

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply, I really appreciate it. I still don’t really know what to do, but I think I may feel marginally less guilty about my decision.

I’m so sorry for all your losses, it’s all just bloody awful isn’t it x x x

I'm sorry you lost your mum. It is bloody awful.

Go with your gut as to how you feel. I had 5 months off after losing my mum, and my dad had also died suddenly in the early stages of her terminal diagnosis. She made us all go back after a week when he died, so it was kind of a double whammy.

Hopefully your employer will be understanding x

I ended up going back to work after a week then having more time off then going back and off again. I wish I’d just spoken to the gp in the beginning and been signed off. In the end I did and they happily signed me off for whatever time I needed - but it had been stressful as I was dithering about what was best and what to say to work etc. In hindsight I wish I’d just done what I needed to do for myself. If you don’t feel ready, please do give yourself the time if you can xx