Direct cremation ?

[ceecee32]

Does anyone have any experience of a direct cremation and if so, did you regret it?
Or do you have any thoughts...

My mum died at the weekend, she was 92 and I am her only relative.
I am veering towards a direct cremation as she was the last one left of all her group of friends. My friend says she would come with me and there are 3 elderly friends of my late stepdad who said they might be able to come but I'd have to get them there (one is 97 years old and the other 2 really don't sound well).
If they didn't or couldn't come I can't imagine anything worse than being there on my own.
Her neighbour and a friend who lives miles away have both said that my mum wasn't averse to a direct cremation . Whenever I asked her she just said she didn't care as she wouldn't be there.

In addition, there was a massive falling out between my mum and my stepdads 2 children and there has been no contact since he died almost 3 years ago. Having a direct cremation would mean that I couldn't be criticised for not telling them. They caused her so much distress that she didn't want them to know.
So a bit long I'm sorry, but I would be grateful for your opinions.
I'm happy that we said our goodbyes before she went
Thank you

Mil hated funerals .... So was glad to hear about direct cremation so we followed her wishes... There were some mutterings from local to her people loose neighbors/friends about the lack of service or more a wake more than anything so we stuck cash behind the bar so she could buy them all a drink... She had a little family/friends left...
Dh requested same in his will.. I've not quite decided yet as like tge idea of a wood service

MIL has just chosen this for her and FIL (they are both knocking 90) after her brother had one. DH is really upset - he is an arch traditionalist and wanted to carry her into her funeral - he carried my mum in to hers and felt he’d done her an important service (Mum would probably have gone for one of these but her funeral was rammed and we had a fabulous party afterwards that she paid for). He attended when his uncle was cremated to see him arrive at the crem and be taken in, but felt quite sad about it.

I think you do need something to mark a moment of passing, but the traditional funeral is not the only way for sure.

But it’s MILs

But his service can be to give her the cremation she wants and then carrying her ashes to wherever he chooses as a final resting place/ scattering place. That can be an event attended by family and friends if he wants something akin to a funeral gathering.

I just had someone from Pure Cremation phone me, returning my call to deal with my enquiry. I told her it’s a little late, he’s been dead over a month so has already been done!
So glad I managed to find someone local.

We are hvg a direct cremation for Mum. She was 85 and had bn in care with dementia for ten years. She has not seen friends for fifteen years. Theres been a coinciding further bereavement which means wider family are not attending. I am organising an afternoon tea locally for her when family are well enough to attend.
I do feel a twinge of guilt. But there would only be two perhaps three mourners at a crematorium.

I did this for my mum end of last year. We had a humanist celebration of life for family and friends, then later that week a direct cremation. The celebration went well and no one questioned the decision re the cremation. She had advanced dementia and had no friends or anyone left who felt the need for a cremation as such. No regrets.

Have used it. Didn't regret it. But I don't think you should go on other people's experience - it's a matter for you.

We arranged a direct cremation for my brother (well, my sister-in-law) did. My brother didn’t want a funeral. The ashes were scattered in the garden of remembrance. Nobody attended. Sad, but that was the way he wanted it and the crematorium wasn’t a local one.

I had a direct cremation for my mum. I don’t regret it, although occasionally I do feel a bit guilty because I know it’s expected. Mum and I had discussed it and she was in favour - she hated funerals, and she knew I’d find it terribly upsetting.

I have no family in England and the overseas family were unable to travel. I didn’t want to put my young kids through the distress of it all and I was worried about looking like Billy no mates. What a silly thing to worry about! But she had hundreds of friends in her hey day - she used to slink off to the supermarket at the crack of dawn as it would take ages if she kept bumping into people she knew.

Mum was sociable and had many friends but they were mostly back in our home town (she had moved to be close to me and my kids, her choice). I didn’t want to ask a dozen elderly people to traipse across across London or round the M25.

Without the stress of a funeral, I didn’t feel any of the “downsides”- I did feel I had said goodbye (I was there in her final days), I did feel I grieved and processed the fact of her death.

I used direct cremation for my dad during covid. It was all handled respectfully and they even asked me what song I would like played as he was cremated. I didn't attend and lived 300 miles away at the time.
They arranged for his ashes to be sent to me but because of covid it took ages as they said it needed a specialist courier. Dad eventually turned up with Evri!

We had one for my Dad a few years ago and we have had no regrets. My siblings and my Mum all want direct to crem with no service funerals too.
With my Dad we booked it online with CoOp.
They did call us offering us financial or probate advice which I was cross about as I'd been clear that we didn't want any contact from any other services.
We had requested no contact after paying but someone did call to say that the cremation would take place on a certain day. (Which I didn't take a note of and have forgotten)
We didn't want the ashes either.

We basically had nothing to do with the body of my Dad once he was dead. To us the body was of no importance.

We were sad when he died and we are still sad but in a healthy normal way. Having a direct to crem with no service was definitely the best thing to do. I think we are a pragmatic family though.

We could have afforded an expensive funeral but even so I'm glad we only spent about £1500

We had a direct cremation for my DH. It was during covid, so we had a small service afterwards with his ashes and interred them at the local cemetery and then had a v small wake outdoors in our garden with the allowed numbers of attenders. It was fine. I still intend to have a memorial service but have been overtaken in arranging it with the prolonged ill-health of both of my parents and having to care for them.

I am currently arranging my mother's funeral and the many complications and tensions make me wish we were doing the same thing for her. It's what I will plan for myself to make things easier for DS.

My mum, aged 87, died in July. She hated funerals and always said she didn't want one so we had a direct cremation organised by a local undertaker. I said I didn't want the ashes returned so they were scattered in the grounds of his funeral home.

A while later we had a memorial/celebration of her life with opportunities for friends to share their memories of her and to sit and chat over tea and cake.

As well as being a celebration of mum it was a chance for me to say thank you to friends and family who had supported us over the years with mum's dementia.

Although we did have religious elements it was much simpler than a funeral and the emphasis was celebration, not mourning.

We had a direct cremation for my Dad with no service or ceremony of any kind and we left the cremation place to scatter the ashes.
Our whole family thought it was the right thing to do. We got together casually to support each other afterwards when it suited us but we didn't have a set gathering to morn him.
My siblings, my kids and me will do the same for each other.

My auntie had a direct cremation and the funeral directors were so lovely. They still bring the body in a coffin to the crem, and they let us say goodbye. Just 2 of us went there, then left when they went in.

Op, from my experience organising a direct cremation you get a much more personal service from a funeral directors than with someone like pure cremations.

Our funeral directors really cared and were lovely through the whole period.

We had flowers on the coffin and allowed to visit in the funeral home. But still a direct cremation.

It sounds like the right thing in your circumstances.
I thought that's what I would want until I lost my brother and he didn't have a funeral. I found it very difficult.

The idea of a direct cremation is very appealing to me. This week I was at a non religious funeral service in the crem. But it just seemed so removed from the person we were celebrating. His family must have spent about 6.5k on limo cars, flowers, etc. The idea of my family and friends having a tasty meal and drinks while a photo slideshow and music plays sounds much more appealing. I'd rather spend my money on that and leave them with some leftover to have a holiday. It's really made me think.
I also thought in the crematorium that they do all the bodies as a job lot so I'm not sure what the difference is. It's not happening while you are there, is it?