Dad died today

[Sycamoretree]

I've mentioned here and there on other threads that my dad was very ill. He'd been fighting cancer since his diagnosis last May. He died at the hospice this morning. No one was with him, which is just so sad - we have been visiting morning, afternoon and evening, but somehow we missed it. I just have no idea what to feel - it's very surreal. We have known he would die for so long, and we haven't been able to communicate to him for over a week, but I still can't quite make sense of what has happened.

I'm so sorry.

Sorry for your loss Sycamoretree.

Halster - we have so much in common. Dad's funeral was also a humanist ceremony. Glad to hear you gave your mum the send off she deserved. Dad's ceremony was perfect really - he would have approved. Even down to fact his was only memorial plate at the crematorium that didn't have any flowers....all money went to the hospice instead. We just put some flowers on his coffin instead. One from all of us.

Just realised how hard today must have been for you Halster - at least for us it was a chance to focus on my mum in a positive way. I suppose father's day will be the first really tough one.

We all laid single flowers on mum's coffin too. It was a lovely gesture. Yes, having Mother's Day two days after mum's funeral has not been great. I have had loads of marketing e-mails saying "Pamper your Mum on Mother's Day". I wish. How are you doing Sycamoretree?

Hi Halster - am in a bit of a bubble. I go back to work on Monday. Am so busy with the kids that I am not getting much time to process what has happened until I collapse into bed at night, and then it's either keeping me awake, or I go into this wierd, very deep, peaceful sleep - can't seem to predict which way it will go. It's just so alarming how life goes on around you, and you just kind of have to keep up with everyone. In some ways I am better now than I was before he died, and before the funeral. But I'm feeling daunted about seeing a whole new clutch of people who will either not know about dad, or be offering their sympathies..I don't know how I will deal with it being brought to the surface and into conversation with me being the one in control of how and when I want to talk about it or not, if that makes sense.

What about you? x

very sorry for your loss

shit realised how late I am on this I am so sorry Sycamoretree.

No need to be sorry toomanydaves, it's nice to get positive vibes whenever they arrive!

Hi Sycamoretree. Yes, I too feel like I am wandering around in a daze. Like you, I'm looking after the kids, doing the school run, making dinner and everything just feels so normal. But of course it isn't.

I am actually feeling ok - the first week after Mum was diagnosed I felt absolutely dreadful and I haven't felt as bad as that since. I do feel terribly sad, but there is no acute pain, if you know what I mean - which I am kind of worrying about (is a ten tonne truck of grief going to flatten me unexpectedly some time soon?)

I hope going back to work is Ok for you. It is strange telling people your bad news. I told a few people this morning that I bumped into. I actually don't mind telling people at the moment, it is helping me make it more real. (Although I have to say, when people I barely knew asked me in the playground "How was your half term?" with big smiley faces, I just said "oh, ok" Couldn't face telling them.) You do get some weird responses from people though. But mostly people have been lovely.

Look after yourself. x

Hi Halster - I feel exactly the same. I have even felt guilty by how able I am just to get on with things, even laugh with the kids. Nothing has come close to the day I found out dad was terminal - no car journey has ever been so dangerously bleary through so many tears. I only had one other day that was really bad, when my DH gave me an afternoon just to go and walk and be with my thoughts and my i-pod. I just cried and cried and cried as I walked and I didn't care who saw - it was after I had seen dad for the first time in the "deep sleep" he went into after they put the driver on at the hospice. Well, I guess there is a lesson from all this, and our departed parents would I'm sure be very pleased that we are getting on with things and moving forward.

I am glad we made contact - somehow knowing there was someone else out there is going through the same thing has made it feel less cruel and more part of the cycle of life and nature. I probably won't post again now, but if I see you again on another thread, I'll be sure to say Hi and see how things are. Thanks for sharing with me. Good luck moving forward.

I am so sorry for your loss Thinking of you Sycamoretree.

im so sorry u lost ur dad i lost my dad too suddenly nov 07 i know how awful it is but am glad he is at peace too i hope u r taking care of yourself