Suicide

[MaterDei]

My best friend and cousin committed suicide yesterday. I cannot accept it. I genuinely don't think I ever will. My question is how do I accept this has happened?

How incredibly sad. You have to remember that whilst you may never know why (unless they chose to leave a note and even then perhaps they chose not to tell the truth) they are no longer being tortured by the pain they were in.

I know in theory I should be comforted by the idea they are no longer in pain but I am struggling to feel comfort of any sort. I really can't accept this has happened. I am praying and I feel no comfort. What a life to take.

How awful and heartbreaking. I’m sorry for your loss

I am so sorry for your loss . Sending PM x

I am sorry you're going through this OP. I would just say that you don't need to accept what has happened right now. Something massive has happened and disbelief is totally normal.

My brother killed himself 2 years ago. You never get over it you just learn to cope with the pain. It's self murder and it's traumatising. Only today I had to stop and catch my breath as a random thought about it entered my head and it winded me. I'm sorry for your loss x

I think for now just get through each day. I think it's an incredibly difficult thing to come to terms with and that takes time. When you are ready you could look into support groups and/or counselling.

In my own experience, there is a lot of guilt, anger and utter bewilderment that you are dealing with on top of grief. It's so very sad and seemingly needless that they are gone. I am so sorry. If I could, I would get you a cup of tea and ask about your best friend and cousin.

i loausest my son aged 24 23 years ago and still think about him everyday, i try to tell myself that he was taken because he was so unhappy in his life. i didnt realise just how he was hurting because he tried to hide it from me, it takes time to accept it but i just wish i had known x

Thank you everybody who has reached out and taken time to reply to me. I am sorry for each of your losses. I can't believe I am writing this thread. I've seen threads like this before and never imagined I would one day find myself here.

I would love that cup of tea @SummerHouse
I am currently lying in bed and unable to move. I feel like physically I have lost all abilities (although I know I haven't) but I just can't muster the strength to move.

It's just occurred to me that life is never going to be the same again. Just an empty shit version of the life I had before this; me talking to the sky and wishing I could turn back time.

It won't always feel like it does right now. I know that you can't believe that. Someone said it to me two years ago and I thought it will. Your brain has ways of healing. One day you laugh and you can't believe you've been able to but you do. Neither do you forget but ... I don't know.. it just allows you to keep living.

Thank you

I’m so sorry for your loss

There is an organisation called SOBS which you might find useful

I will check them out thank you

So sorry for your loss.

All I can say is, even though it seems it impossible now, it takes time, but I promise it does get easier to bear. For now, just let yourself grieve and dont think too far ahead.

I have been here too. I read an article once where somebody wrote about the suicide of a parent - and said they wrote their own ending. It helps me to think of it like that.

I’m so sorry for your loss OP. It’s impossible to take comfort now, but the fact is some things are simply beyond our control, beyond our influence. That crushing, desperate need to go back and make events take a different path feels unbearable right now. But one day you will realise that your guilt leads nowhere.

I really recommend counselling, maybe sooner rather than later.

I haven’t dealt with a suicide, but with an unexpected loss and I felt/feel to blame. Just a few small changes in what I had said, what I had done that day, would have meant a life didn’t end. And/or I would have been there in time to stop the events that unfolded. I have slowly accepted that,
it was just chance I didn’t do those things or say those things that might have changed the outcome. And chance probably had a hand in averting a hundred other near-misses in the lives of people around me.

Some things just … are.

I can’t imagine quite what depths of misery you are going through right now but I sympathise.

One of my best friends committed suicide and it's been extremely hard to come to terms with.
I don't think you ever get over it, but your life grows around it.
It's been a few years now and I still feel very mixed emotions. Sad, angry, wishing I could have done more. Grief is complicated.

I really appreciate the kind words I have woken up to today. X

So sorry for your loss. Suicide is so difficult as you have so many more feelings and questions than other deaths

You never get over it or understand, but you do learn to live alongside it in time

Would it help to talk here about your cousin? (Appreciate it might be too soon)

Thank you. I want to talk about him but trying to find the right words is beyond me at this point.

My heart goes out to you as well as the OP. Suicide is the most devastating loss and people can blame themselves sadly. The early years are hard OP but please check out The Compassionate Friends on line as they have a section for those bereaved by suicide.

My DP lost his father to suicide almost 10 years ago.

It still affects his entire family to this day.

Please be gentle with yourself, OP.

Sending lots of love and strength your way x

I am aware that my family is affected and it makes it so much harder. I am trying to be strong today for them. Thank you for the love x

Yes my heart hurts for all those who have lost someone they truly love. There is no pain like it. Thank you for your kind words.