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Bereavement

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My brother died

34 replies

CheesusWept · 21/06/2023 10:07

My brother died. He was 42. I can’t quite believe how badly it has hit me. I didn’t see it coming. He was found at 10:53am on Thursday, on the floor, with ‘drug paraphernalia’ around him, the police have told us.
I keep thinking about what I was doing at that time. I was in the office, laughing around with my colleagues and my poor brother was lying dead.

I feel like the police think he’s a ‘lesser being’ because it’s likely a drug death. I don’t give a fuck if he died by drugs. It makes no difference to me if it was drugs, natural causes, a tragic accident, all that matters to me is that he’s gone. His death isn’t any less tragic. He isn’t less of a person. He was loved. He was such a nice, quiet guy. So very quiet that he just got lost in the background of everything. It devastates me to think that he may not have known how loved he was. I spoke to him last week and I can’t remember if I told him I loved him. It’s tearing me up inside thinking of all the ways I should have been a better sister. I know he wouldn’t have wanted me to feel like that. I just can’t believe he’s gone. Seeing the grief on my parents faces. Knowing that he’s left 2 kids behind - my brother had only found out his 23 year old son was going to be a dad. He was so excited.

I don’t know how to continue and not be thinking of him every minute of the day. His life mattered. He mattered. He was my little brother and I loved him.

I just wanted to get this out there. There’s no need for words, nothing anybody can say.
His name was Charles. He was my brother. His life mattered. I will miss him so much.

OP posts:
Lougle · 21/06/2023 10:09

I'm so sorry Charles has died and it's not being treated as significant. I'm sure he knew you loved him.

NoLongerATeacher · 21/06/2023 10:10

Sending bigs hugs sweetheart - so sorry Flowers

morelippy · 21/06/2023 10:11

Charles sounds like a lovely man. I'm so sorry this has happened, and having lost my own brother young, I understand your pain.

WinterCarlisle · 21/06/2023 10:12

I’m so sorry. RIP Charles. Certainly no judgement from me. I’m a HCP and we cannot walk in other people’s shoes.

Please do not blame yourself, @CheesusWept. X

DeeCeeCherry · 21/06/2023 10:14

Big hugs OP. I lost my brother in 2015. He died alone and that really got to me. Keep posting here, I did at the time and it was such a comfort. To be able to speak about him. It does get easier, in time. Small steps. Thinking of you💐

FoFanta · 21/06/2023 12:10

I read half way through your message and then stopped and rang my brother. Rest in peace Charles. Much love to you all.

Fannieannie63 · 21/06/2023 12:33

I had a cousin who lived in England i grew up and lived in a different country. I reconnected with my cousins but he had fallen into a life of drugs which became fuelled by crime. I met him once, at a funeral donkeys years ago but he recently died a drug related death and my other cousin rang me understandably upset because others just thought and said it was drugs we knew it would happen. Others wrote off his death as if it didn’t matter.
My words to him were, Remember the good times and the goodness within him. He was a much loved member of our family. We recognise the darkness but honour the light. He was our family and we loved him. We remember his m always. I think the same about your brother OP.

Fannieannie63 · 21/06/2023 12:36

Rest in peace Charles, your family honour you with their remberance x

MedievalNun · 21/06/2023 12:39

oh you poor love. rest in peace charles.

and I've just rung my own brother with the same name.

you aren't a bad sister. You had spoken to him last week. And sod the police and their attitude.

Sending you much love and hugs xxx

Freshair87 · 21/06/2023 12:42

Rest in Peace Charles, you were not insignificant, this has inspired me to tell my siblings I love them. Sending lots of love to you OP you sound a great sister xx

Noseynoseynosey · 21/06/2023 12:46

My little brother died too, in vaguely similar circumstances at just 39. I thought I’d never recover but I’m still here. I won’t say I don’t miss him (some days it hits me like a truck) but I’m able to cope better with the grief as time moves forward. I too spent hours wondering what more I could have done and realistically there was nothing. Please don’t be too hard on yourself.

Sleep peacefully Charles

daisies30 · 21/06/2023 12:57

I'm so very sorry your brother has died. I totally understand, as I too lost my younger brother when he was 32 to a heroin overdose & was devastated.
We also felt the police were a bit dismissive, but he was a quiet, lovely guy and definitely didn't deserve any less respect.
Take good care of yourself as it really is a terrible thing to go through Flowers

Catdemons · 26/06/2023 06:28

I'm very sorry about your brother Charles, and for you and your family.

The same happened to my little brother earlier this year. I don't have useful advice, but I think the number of responses on this thread from people in similar situations shows that this happens to a lot of good people. Our brothers mattered, and I'm so sorry that anyone has suggested otherwise. And I'm sure you have been, and still are, a great sister Flowers

Vallmo47 · 26/06/2023 06:32

I’m sorry for your loss OP. Life is so so fragile and sometimes we take it for granted. He wouldn’t want you to feel like this, but I completely understand. Take one baby step at a time and look for support around you- it is there when you need it. RIP Charles.

CheesusWept · 27/06/2023 17:41

Thank you so much for your messages and for sharing your losses.

His post mortem was yesterday (it was meant to be tomorrow, so it really shocked me when they suddenly phoned me yesterday to tell me it had been done). His death is currently ‘unascertained’ pending toxicology results, which we’re aware can take months. I know the results will be that an overdose of/or some bad valium killed him. At least he can now be moved to the funeral home and we can start arranging things.

I don’t know how to manage my own grief alongside my parents grief. Seeing my parents so distraught is the worst thing I’ve ever witnessed. And when people are nice to me about my loss it just makes me cry more. I can’t mention him without crying. I’m so upset at him for putting that shit in his body. What a waste of a life. What a waste of a beautiful, quiet, loyal, unassuming big guy. What a loss.

Thank you again for all of your replies, and I’m so sorry to those who are experiencing/have experienced loss. It fucking sucks.

OP posts:
HotWithNoRain · 27/06/2023 18:32

I'm so sorry about your brother. It's very sad. It's such a sad way to die too but hopefully you have lots of happy memories of him. It sounds like you love him very much.

OhDoh · 27/06/2023 18:40

Rest in Peace Charles. I'm so sorry OP. He was loved, he mattered and he was your brother that's all you need to think about. Sod the police. Sending support you, your parents and family. X

unicornjewels · 27/06/2023 18:48

I'm so sorry to hear about Charles, OP. Sending love and strength to you and your family.

readbooksdrinktea · 27/06/2023 18:51

This made me tear up. I'm so sorry for your horrible loss, OP. Sending strength to you and your family.

givemeanother · 27/06/2023 18:52

Rest in peace Charles. I hope you can hold onto your cherished memories of him and in time take comfort form the good memories you have.

My brother also died too young (aged 45) from substance misuse. He had disassociated himself from our family over the years and it's hard to get past wishing we'd forced our way through that and done more - we didn't know he had an addiction and never saw this coming. Seeing my parents grieve for him has been awful.

It's still very raw for me, but I tried hold onto the influence he had on me as I was growing up and bits of him that live on in me and my other brother today.

Shopper727 · 27/06/2023 18:55

So sorry for your loss op, Charles sounds like a lovely man and so tragic he’s been taken from you sending my thoughts to you and your parents

MicrowaveRice · 27/06/2023 19:16

I'm so sorry for your loss OP. RIP Charles xx

Maireas · 27/06/2023 19:19

You are going through such a rough time, and you need to be there for your parents. Please be kind to yourself, it's normal to feel this way. My condolences 💐

marshmallowdreams · 06/09/2023 10:10

How you doing OP? Your brother very much mattered.

FatArse123 · 07/09/2023 14:25

Rest in peace Charles.

I am so sorry for you loss OP. Sod anyone who judges him for having used drugs. I used to take drugs, lots of people do. He sounds like a lovely man.

I lost my little brother a few years ago, I think of him every day but the sadness doesn't overwhelm me any more. Hang in there.