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Bereavement

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Scared after death of partner

29 replies

LuckyAugust · 04/01/2023 14:16

My partner of 16 years died a few days before Christmas. The last few years of our relationship has been hard due to his addiction issues and at the time of his death he wasn't in our family home. I feel a huge amount of guilt over this- the one time I try a different strategy to help him and this happens.

I'm heartbroken and whilst I would love a sign from him that he's at peace and that he loves me I'm so daftly terrified and really embarrased by what I'm about to type. I've never had any type of mental health issues or a loss before but all of a sudden I'm scared of ghosts and monsters. I can't sleep when its dark and I'm lying awake all night scared to move and scared to close my eyes. I want him to come to me but not in a way that frightens me and I don't know how to stop feeling like this. I feel silly at my age being scared of stuff like this.

Has anyone else been through this and if yes how did you get through it? Any advice would be appreciated. I have young children and I don't want to consider sleeping tablets or anything like that. I just want to stop being frightened on a night.

OP posts:
TheProblemIsMe · 05/01/2023 13:45

I know this sounds absolutely mental, but could you speak to him out loud during the day? Tell him you miss him but not to come close to you in physical form. It might calm you down to verbalize your feelings. I'm so sorry for your loss.

penelopepea · 05/01/2023 13:55

Not silly at all, I've experienced the same after seeing my son after he took his own life. I couldn't even go to the bathroom on my own for a while. It will pass, it's part of the extreme trauma you're experiencing. Wishing you peace.

LuckyAugust · 05/01/2023 16:32

Sorry for the delay with responding, its been a busy day with funeral arrangements and preparing for another battle I think I'll have (a story for another time).

Thanks everyone, some good ideas for me to try. I used to use rescue remedy years ago which I remember helping so I'll try that and look into the podcast recommendation. My little ones had a sleepover in my room last night so I slept a little better.

Wherever he is I know my dp will be devastated its ended like this. He never wanted our kids to see him when he was at his worst and I'm so grateful my children didn't have to find him

I'm so sorry for your losses. Your kind words and shared experiences are a real comfort

OP posts:
LuckyAugust · 05/01/2023 16:35

Forgot to add- I talk to him all day long. I've not felt him 'with me' and I think the fear has kind of taken over.

OP posts:
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