Unexpected death

[unexpectedsis]

I don't even know what to do at the minute - the police found my lovely 24 year old sister dead in her flat last night from an apparent overdose. She had a lot of mental health issues but she was doing so well and I just can't believe it. How are you meant to cope in these situations?
I'm only 22 myself and she's my only sibling - I have never even been to a funeral before, I can't believe I will have to bury my best friend.
I have three children and I'm trying so hard to be strong for them but I can't think straight. How do I make this funeral special for her? She was a devout Christian.

Thanks so much for reading.

Oh honey. I am so sorry. You are in shock at the minute. Any other family around?

@Azafata Just my girls. They are 2, 1 and 4 months so have no clue what's happening. It's just so sudden, she had no clue how much we all loved her

Hi. Has anyone else contacted you? Your mum or dad?

I’m really sorry for your loss OP. What an absolute tragedy. I think if your sister could speak to you, she’d ask you to try to have the best Christmas you can under the circumstances. She’d know how loved she is and she would never want you or your children to suffer. Obviously this is easier said than done, but personally I’d try to keep as busy as possible. Sending you love.

Love I'm so sorry. But please take a breath. You'll be able to think more clearly. Fact is, it's Christmas and not a lot gets done re funerals etc (my lovely dad died last week and it's all postponed til after new year)
Get together with your family and just slow down. Are your parents around?

Your sister knew how much she was loved but as pointed out she would not have wanted you and the little ones to suffer. Reach out for some support. A friend etc.

I'm so sorry @unexpectedsis .

Do you have any other family around? Do you have a partner?
I'm not sure there will be much to do this side of Xmas so I'd try and just make the next few days special for your girls.

Did she have a regular church she attended? That might be a good place to start for support

I'm so sorry 😢

I'm so sorry. Take things one minute at a time. Have you got anyone who can come and support you at all?

Your poor sister. Poor you.

If your sister was a devout Christian, hopefully her thinking was that she would be passing into the ever-forgiving, ever welcoming arms of God. Even if you personally just believe that she's now just gone back to Nature and her body will eventually become new life, it's a comforting thought perhaps.

Nobody is expecting you to find this anything but heartbreaking and difficult. Carry lots of tissues and do whatever you have to do in order to get through this without accidentally burning down the house or leaving a child in the supermarket, that's all.

Sometimes life is just terrible. I'm sorry. 💐

💞

So sorry @unexpectedsis I don't have any advice, just look after yourself and accept any help offered from friends and family and ask for help from them if you need it💐

I have a lovely husband but he's at work - he's a chef so has no choice but to work in the run up to Christmas. Yes, everything has been postponed and it's looking like it won't be until mid January until the funeral. My parents are in shock too, unfortunately my sister wasn't on speaking terms with them so they haven't actually spoken in a few years, obviously that doesn't mean it hurts any less for them. I am working out how to contact her church but they keep sending me in circles as they are busy for Christmas.

I'm so sorry, what an terrible shock to endure.

Did she go to a church? Can you make sure the funeral is conducted by someone who knew her there to help make it as meaningfully as possible?

I'm so sorry for your loss Op, such a tragedy. Be kind to yourself and don't put any unnecessary burdens upon yourself. So sad, massive hugs for you.

@FluffyFluffyClouds thank you so much for that. I so so hope she's gone to be with God - I don't believe myself but I desperately hope she is in a happier place and she isn't feeling any pain or anything. She was found in her bed so I am keeping myself comforted knowing she probably just fell asleep and didn't wake up again - I can't believe I'm even typing that

So sorry OP what a terrible shock for you. Take care of yourself and reach out to others in real life for support. x

Oh sweetheart, I'm so sorry this has happened. Luckily your children are so young and won't have a clue, so don't feel under any pressure to try and give them a good Christmas. Just look after yourself and try to get through this any way you can x

I am so sorry.
You need to contact a funeral home first. They will take your sister. Then they can help with all the arrangements. It will cost though.
One thing I found out in time for my husband's funeral: you can put photographs in the coffin. I put my husband's favourite photographs of his and our kids, I also wrote him a letter and put that in. That really helped a lot.
I know you say she was devout, but I found church funerals (at least Catholic ones), all about God, and hardly anything about the person. You can have a service at the crematorium (if you are doing that) and make it more personal.
Get in touch with a funeral home first and foremost.

You poor love.

How can we help?

There will be plenty of posters who can guide you through all the practical things that need to be done.

Big hug, it's a horrible thing to have happened, I'm so sorry.

Help!

My husband passed away a couple of weeks ago. It was shitty and unexpected.

But, he was an abusive bully. I don’t feel sad, I just feel empty. A big ball of nothing.

Can anyone relate? The constant flurry of texts and Facebook posts are doing my nut in. I’m so sad for our children….but I just can’t feel sad myself.

I’m desperately anxious because everything now falls on my shoulders, but I can’t be sad that someone who made my life so hard isn’t here anymore. I can see that to other people he was a “good man” but that isn’t who he was to me.

I just wanted to send a huge hug xx

@TheDuchess1979
I can totally relate to how you’re feeling. My Dad died very suddenly at the end of November. He was in no way as unpleasant as your DH, he wasn’t abusive, but we didn’t have a close relationship and we had some very nasty fights over the years. He always had to get his way.

I have struggled hearing “what a gentleman he was” and seeing his friends being upset when I don’t feel the grief I’m “supposed” to be feeling.

It’s especially tough having to do all the funeral arrangements with people expecting you to be upset (the registrar handed me tissues because I rubbed my eye but I wasn’t crying!!).

What did help was talking honestly to my sister in law who knew him well. She got it. I hope you have friends who knew what your DH was really like and you can vent to.

I believe we all grieve in our own way. There are no rules. You feel what you feel.

In a way Dad’s death has helped me sort through my emotions: my parents’ marriage was miserable and I now feel sorry that they wasted 25 years together when they were so much happier apart. And I want to give that little girl who didn’t get the Dad she needed a hug and tell her it’s ok, she gets her own happy family in the end.

Thinking of you & your family

Just a little update, I heard from the coroner's office yesterday who have said their results are inconclusive and they have basically no idea how she died. More testing to be done but it'll take months apparently. Has anyone got any experience with this? How can they not find a cause of death? She was only 24.

no insight.
I’m so sorry, it’s right that they want to find the correct cause of death though for your dsis as it could be medical, illness, allergy, reaction to vax, anything instead of what was initially presumed.

This must be so so hard. Sending you love xx