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Original poster

Missing my sister

69 replies

Nettee · 28/01/2008 14:10

it is 8 years today since my lovely sister died in a car accident. Feeling miserable today more than usual on this date - not sure why. Sad that my dc will never meet her and that she didn't have dc of her own. It just isn't fair.

OP posts:
CarGirl · 28/01/2008 14:14
Sad
geekgirl · 28/01/2008 14:16

sorry nettee

KaySamuels · 28/01/2008 14:16

Sorry nettee I know there is nothing I will say that will make it better for you. Do you have pics of her you can show your dcs? You could tell them all about her. Don't know if you approve of these on mn but - {{hugs}}

DarrellRivers · 28/01/2008 14:17

How old was she nettee?
My brother died 7 months ago, he was married but no children. He was 32
He loved my 2 DCs adn was a great uncle.
I miss him too.
My parents are destroyed as well

DarrellRivers · 28/01/2008 14:18

We have the presents and books that he gave my DCs, and we try to go through photos regularly so we can talk about him.
Keeps him with us, how old are your DCs?

Jackstini · 28/01/2008 14:18

Sorry to hear that Nettee. Not been in that situation so can't say I know how you feel but love my sister to bits and can only imagine how awful it is.
How old are dcs? maybe now they are older and doing things that remind you of you and she when you were younger?
Can you get out old photo albums and tell dcs about her later?

Original poster
Nettee · 28/01/2008 14:19

Thank you girls, lovely to have some support and of course I approve of hugs on mumsnet thank you.

OP posts:
Wendyjayb · 28/01/2008 14:19

Nettee i know how you feel, my sister died 10 years ago tomorrow and it still hurts. She never saw any of her nephews and she would have been such a fantastic aunt.
It's not fair but if you ever want a chat you can mail me on [email protected] xx

moljam · 28/01/2008 14:20

nettee.as you said it isnt fair.its truly awful.do you talk to your dc about there auntie?show them pics?i know it will be painful for you but will be nice for them.

moljam · 28/01/2008 14:21

i dont usually 'do ' hugs but will for you! ((hugs))

Original poster
Nettee · 28/01/2008 14:22

she was 24. DS is nearly 3 and DD 4 months. so yes it is the first year with two which hasn't been as hard as I though it would be until today. Not old enough to understand but she does come up in ordinary conversation lots anyway.

Sorry that you are going through a similar experience DarrellRivers - it does get easier for the majority of the time eventually but then the shock of it comes back like it was yesterday

OP posts:
Original poster
Nettee · 28/01/2008 14:25

WendyJayb - thank you - will be a tough one for you tomorrow 10 years feels very signficant somehow.

OP posts:
moljam · 28/01/2008 14:25

i think keeping her in conversation is good idea.my dd and ds1 were very young when they lost my fil and my nan.they also have a sister theyve never met(not same thing at all but we use same approach)weve always spoken about them,lots of photos etc and so i feel they know them.although obviously i wish they had met or known each other properly.

DarrellRivers · 28/01/2008 14:26

You never think these things will happen to your family
Small children are a blessing in that you keep moving forwards for them.
Internet hugs through the ether to you.

FioFio · 28/01/2008 14:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Pannacotta · 28/01/2008 14:29

Its very hard I think when you have kids as there are times when you are really sad but you cant explain why to them esp if they are so small.
My brother died 6 years ago (age 33) so never met my DSs who are 3 and 9 months. He would have been a great uncle and loved kids.
Think its also hard as its quite unusual to lose a sibling at a young age so not something you can talk about easily, IME anyway.
Have tried to explain to DS1 about his uncle, showing him photos etc. Could you do the same with your eldest?

mummylin2495 · 28/01/2008 14:29

i too lost my sister when she was 26yrs old. She left a little girl of two years old and was expecting her second child.That was bad enough ,but my sis was actually born on my birthday ,[which is next week ] its a very sad day for me indeed.I always take flowers to her grave and it does tend to stop me enjoying each birthday now,although family do try to make it a nice day for me.

Original poster
Nettee · 28/01/2008 14:30

yes it is bloody hard. I just think if only she had just done one small thing differently that day she could still be here. One split second mistake and that is it forever. It is so unbelievable.

sorry FioFio about your sister - Too many people going too young.

OP posts:
DarrellRivers · 28/01/2008 14:32

Pannacotta, I think that is very true.
I can't really talk to my parents because my mum cries/breaks down whenever he is mentioned, and it is different losing someone when they are young and had their lives ahead of them , it is the wrong order of things.
It is an odd grieving group, losing siblings group.
mummylin, my DB died on my Ds's birthday.
His birthday is now a very sad day

Original poster
Nettee · 28/01/2008 14:32

Pannacotta and mummylin how awful

OP posts:
NAB3wishesfor2008 · 28/01/2008 14:33

So sorry for your loss.

You are bound to feel more sad on the anniversary as it can bring it all back again.

Find someone you can talk to if your parents can't be there for you in their own grief.

DarrellRivers · 28/01/2008 14:35

I watched 'The Icestorm ' recently.
somewhere in it , one of the characters said, that at all times we are close to an opening into the next world, and it is just luck/chance, which direction we take that keeps us in this the world, or tkaes us to the next.
For my brother is was an odd combination of personal mistakes adn errors, and various people doing different things that ended in his death.

Original poster
Nettee · 28/01/2008 14:36

Yes you expect your sibling to be there for the majority of your life and remember your childhood with you. I hate being left as an only child now. And I am sure it is even harder for parents. My mother hasn't been the same since at all. I think my dc are helping her move forward at last though.

OP posts:
Kewcumber · 28/01/2008 14:36

I feel for you, all of you who have lost a sibling. I can't imagine how awful it must be, I can't comprehend losing my DBro or DSis.

the Cruise helpline is very good if you need someone to talk to.

DarrellRivers · 28/01/2008 14:38

oh nettee, i'm sorry that you are now the only child.
I at least have a sister left to share with.
But my brother was my main sidekick when we were growing up.
I wonder if my mum will ever recover

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