Missing my sister

[Nettee]

it is 8 years today since my lovely sister died in a car accident. Feeling miserable today more than usual on this date - not sure why. Sad that my dc will never meet her and that she didn't have dc of her own. It just isn't fair.

it just seems to hit you at odd times ,one of the things is when i hear the "young hearts run free" track it was one of her favourite tunes and i cant bear to hear it and will turn the radio off.And i wonder what she would look like now,what would her new baby of been boy /girl,all sorts of things .Sympathies to everyone else who is in the same situation.It hurts and hurts a lot for me. Something went out of my life and since then i have not been the same person i was.I personally dont think i have ever been completely happy since then.

Thanks everyone - DS says it is his turn now on the computer. hugs to you all. xxx

Hi Nettee, just saw your thread, I'm really sorry to hear about this sad anniversary. Maybe you're feeling it more this year because of your recent birth. Hugs to you. Come and post on our September thread.

i do have more siblings ,but she was the youngest of us all and yes i am so grateful to still have all the others, but there is a big part of us missing.For the parents it is a terrible situation and when my mum talks about her,the tears are never far away.But i do think that sometimes the siblings are overlooked.We also have lost someone we loved.

There waa an interesting article in The Guardian on Saturday about how our culture has lost its grieving mechanisms, and how this makes the process of grieving even harder than it was in the past. Will try and find it.
We still don't know how my brother died (he was mssing for some time before his body was found) which made it very hard for us. And I don't think my Mother will ever get over it. But 6 years on she is doing ok, considering. I think you have to learn to live with such a loss, not necessarily get over it/recover, if that makes sense.
Do think it must be the hardest for a mother to lose her child - has made me feel quite cautious and protective of my DSs.

hi fio - might email you re: CF, x

mummylin I agree, when you lose a sibling it does feel a bit like a part of you is missing, my brother was older than me and my sister so we never knew life without him.
I think I also feel like a different person since it happened and have found it very hard to make friends since we moved to a new area.
Do you talk to your siblings about your sister?

its a sadness that is always simering beneath the surface ,although we do manage to laugh at some of the things she used to do or say.How terrible for you and your family to have to go through that ordeal.My sister had a massive asthma attack and died exactly 8 weeks to the day after our beloved grandad.She had been in intensive care for a couple of weeks on a life support ,they mamaged to get her quite well and eventually she came home from hosp,our grandfather died the day after she got home ,then just 8 weeks later had another attack and they couldnt revive her that time.

Thats awful mummylin, esp if you all thought she was going to be ok

i think my siblings dont talk about her very often ,wether from pain or what i dont know.None of them ever go to the cemetry to take her flowers either.But that is their choice .I like to talk about her all the time,i dont mean obsessively,just in a normal conversational way.She is still my sister ,its just that she is not in my life anymore.

well we were warned tha she would probably have a big attack tha would kll her in the next 5 or 10 years ,but i chose to comletely ignore that,as in my mind they may of found a cure for asthma by then so it was a terrible shock when it happened so soon after coming home from hospital.It just feels to me there is a bit of my heart frozen .Im not sure why ,maybe its a defence of some sort,i dont know.i would like to talk to you again buti have to pop out now ,maybe i will catch up with you later.Thanks for chatting to me.We will all be ok and cope with it.

Do post again, am sure it helps to be able to chat, even if not in RL. Its the first time I have ever posted about this on MN.
DarrellRivers have you posted before? I think I remember either your name or you posting about your brother.

Hello, got the computor back. yes it does help to chat. Not that many people I see in RL know about my sister because we have moved a few times since and it is something you don't really bring up out of the blue. I find that I can't visit her grave or watch old video of her because it is just too hard but I do talk about her where she would come into conversation anyway and that feels natural. I was telling DS why I was feeling sad and I think I got through to him a little bit for the first time that my sister was gone - felt a bit mean putting such a sad thought into his yound mind though.

Thankyou nettee for starting this thread.
I have found this very helpful.
All of what you are saying, about how it is so much worse for your parents, so you never really have a place for your grief.
How you are cheated of the years of growing old together with family get-togethers to grow closer and more mellow as time goes by, and the loss of those childhood memories to share.
And the loss of beloved aunt or uncle for your children.
and i think death is a part of family life, so i think DCs come across it so it isn't mean sharing with your DS nettee

Nettee - can I send you this link to a thread which I think was really helpful ? here

I thought this artcile was interesting, about how we have lot touch of how to mourn/grieve for our loved ones....
www.guardian.co.uk/family/story/0,,2246906,00.html

that is very interesting.I found it incredibly hard to show my emotions ,especially because i had my mum to stay with me for ten weeks following my sisters death.All around me my other siblings were breaking down and i had to try and console them and be strong for my mum.It was ten months later when I really felt it,i wanted to die and be with her.I was signed off work for nearly three months and put on non addictive Ad.My dh helped me by purchasing the grave next to her.While this may seem morbid to some ,it is a matter of course that the graves go in rotation and the next person to be buried would of gone in that particular spot.He did this only a couple of weeks after she had died.So that gave me some peace that i will be by her again one day.For those of you who have never spoken about if before i hope it will help to heal you a little.It does take a long time and particular dates will always refresh our losses,we can and must continue to have fulfilling lives ,although a little bit of us will never truly recover.

Nettee

I can understand how you feel,my only sister committed suicide 4 years ago.She wasn't mentally well enough to ever have a relationship or dc but we know she wanted them desperately(we found her cellar full of baby things)

You have been robbed of a sister and of the chance to be an auntie,i know how much that hurts Nettee.

xxxx

darrellrivers,it is very early days for you still and im sure your grief is still very raw.It will get better with time,you will eventually learn to be happy again but like the rest of us ,you wil be missing that extra person forever.At one time I used to pretend that my sister had emigrated to Australia thats why i couldnt see her !! wendyjayb i will think of you tomorrow .There seems to be a few of us with bad days around now.My sister and i would of shared our birthday on Feb 5th.so i will be very sad on that day.My gran died on feb 6th [ but not the same year]so its two days i dont like.

Pelvicfloor,i really feel for you at least i have the answer to my sis death,it was through illness.

Thankyou MayannSingleton, a very emotional thread, and the website link useful.
Mummylin, i was the person (well i am an oldest child) who arranged everything at the time , when all around me people were breaking down.
I felt so cold at times, and that people were looking at me like I didn't care.
.
I have my own family so i feel grown up anyway, but my parents now feel much more like dependants than they ever did 7 months ago.

pfnm, so sad for you and your family

Thankyou
My sisters death was caused by illness also(she was so very unwell mentally with Anorexia,Bullimia,OCD,Body dysmorphia etc)

It is comforting to hear that none of us are alone in our bereavement.