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Family member passed away work keep calling
34

tiltheveryend · 09/06/2022 10:18

So, my grandma passed away the other day. I’ve taken time off work as I’m still not in a fit state to work but also there to support my dad as well. However, my manager kept calling me the day the I told her. Obviously I phoned her to say that my relative had dead and wouldn’t be coming for obvious reasons. But that same day she kept calling me after about 3 times, to point where I had to call my senior manager to ask them to get her to stop. Calling me.



I now if guilty about going to my senior manager & worried about what my line manager will say when I go back in next Monday!

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MrsSkylerWhite · 09/06/2022 10:21

Your manager was extremely insensitive and I hope her superior stops this from happening again.
Condolences 💐

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ZenNudist · 09/06/2022 10:22

What's your work policy on compassionate leave? Have you been given leave? You don't just "tell" work you aren't in fit state, you ask and are usually granted it for a close relative. I took a couple of days of my annual leave to help my mum when my grandma died. I still made sure to hand over my work and not leave people in the lurch. Suggest you do this.

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Throwawaytoday · 09/06/2022 10:24

I feel for you, and I'm sorry for your loss.

What does your contract say re: compassionate leave? Often there are set days based on the relationship you have with the person who passed away.

If it's not covered in your contract, I would recommend advising HR of your absence, most (good) HR teams are flexible when it comes to bereavement.

Of course your boss should be more understanding, and as a manager I wouldn't interrupt someone going through early grief.

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Bettethebuilder · 09/06/2022 10:26

What does your contract say? Did you ask to take time off?

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Cinnabomb · 09/06/2022 10:27

Difficult one…. There aren’t many jobs where you’d be granted more than one day compassionate leave for a grand parent? Are there? Am I wrong? Im NHS and when a colleagues husband died she had to get a sick note to cover her for longer than 2 days. If it was a parent or partner maybe, but I don’t think it’s usual to take a week off when a grandparent dies. Sorry for your loss x

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ExtremelyDedicated · 09/06/2022 10:28

Assuming you have requested annual, unpaid or sick leave according to their policy they shouldn't be harassing you like that. But the manager might say that they needed to contact you for business reasons if work was left unfinished etc.

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Ifailed · 09/06/2022 10:35

There is no right to compassionate leave in England, you need to read your contract and staff handbook if relevant.

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latetothefisting · 09/06/2022 10:35

Agreeing with other posters it depends what you agreed with your manager about what type of leave you are taking. Most places don't give compassionate leave for grandparents so you would have to take the time off as sick leave-if you haven't explained this is what youre doing then yes it is reasonable for your line manager to keep ringing until they speak to you as its an unauthorised absence. Similarly if your sick policy is that you need to ring every day until you are better then they are not being unreasonable to expect you to do this.

If you have a compassionate leave policy for grandparents or your sick police doesn't require you to keep in contact until you're ready to come back then they are wrong, but with the information you've provided it's hard to say!

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Pluvia · 09/06/2022 10:40

Cinnabomb · 09/06/2022 10:27

Difficult one…. There aren’t many jobs where you’d be granted more than one day compassionate leave for a grand parent? Are there? Am I wrong? Im NHS and when a colleagues husband died she had to get a sick note to cover her for longer than 2 days. If it was a parent or partner maybe, but I don’t think it’s usual to take a week off when a grandparent dies. Sorry for your loss x

Nowhere I've worked has allowed time off on the news of a grandparents' death. A day off for the funeral, perhaps. I have to say that a week off coming on the heels of a four-day BH weekend would certainly raise my concern, as someone who runs a small business with a handful of employees I need to rely on.

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Cotherstone · 09/06/2022 10:40

Was she calling to ask you a work question, or to ask about what leave you are taking?

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Sirzy · 09/06/2022 10:41

I’m sorry for your loss but as others have said it’s not as simple as just telling work you won’t be in.

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playtest12 · 09/06/2022 10:44

Have you taken this as annual leave?

Or compassionate leave? What does your contract say?

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Trafficjamlog · 09/06/2022 10:45

It would be unusual to take any time off for a grandparent. I think you needed to request it or book annual leave.

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PollyDarton1 · 09/06/2022 10:50

Sorry for your loss, firstly. Flowers

Compassionate leave is usually granted on the death of immediate family - that being, parent, partner or child. Some will extend this to grandparents and beyond if there is a reason - such as caring for them.

If you asked to have the day/days off, it's not set in stone that you were given compassionate leave - unless your manager clearly stated this was granted. You'll have to check your HR handbook to see a) whether compassionate leave is a thing companywide, and b) what the policies are around it (i.e.; immediate family death vs less immediate).

When my Nana died last year I took a week off on annual leave as I had to help my Mum (who was her carer) with practicalities as she is on her own and not well versed in how to handle financials etc. I think possibly one of those days was compassionate, but the only reason I took longer than normal was I needed to support my Mum with decision making.

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Comefromaway · 09/06/2022 10:51

Have you agreed leave? Most places would allow a maximum of 2 days for a grandparent, 1 day for the actual death and 1 day for the funeral. Dh was allowed 3 days for his grandparent as he had lived with them/been brought up by them.

You usually get more for an actual parent/spouse as it is assumed that you are the one who has to make all the arrangements. It was 5 days where I used to work.

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caringcarer · 09/06/2022 10:55

When I was teaching it was always a week off with a spouse, 2 days with a parent or sibling and 1/2 day to attend funeral for a grandparent stretched to a full day 0pppif you had to travel far. My best friend died and I was refused a half day to attend funeral. I took a couple of hours to go anyway as I was doing a reading and got in trouble when I went in to school at 11.30am. I went to church service but not food after. I had emailed in both lesson plans and resources too. What is your workplace policy? Could you ask for short notice holiday? You would still have to finish up jobs or hand them over to colleagues. Can someone access your emails at work?

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Shunter350 · 09/06/2022 10:56

Think the way to go is contact your GP and get a sick line.. "domestic stress" or similar.

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Nurseynoodles · 09/06/2022 11:00

There’s so much more context needed.

Its not usual to have a week for a grandparent so did you tell them or ask them? Are you using annual leave?

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FrangipaniBlue · 09/06/2022 11:19

Did your line manager call you several times about different things or was she repeatedly calling because you weren't answering?

If it's the former she was rude an insensitive.

The latter then I would assume it's urgent and you probably should have at least answered to find out why she was calling.

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Badger1970 · 09/06/2022 11:22

It sounds as if they're not clear how long you're going to be off for.

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cushioncovers · 09/06/2022 11:23

I work in the nhs and when my grandma died I had to take it as sickness. There was no compassionate leave allowed for a grandparent.

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cushioncovers · 09/06/2022 11:24

Why did your manager keep phoning op? Was it to check you were ok? To pressure you for a return to work date? We need more info.

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tiltheveryend · 09/06/2022 11:24

So for some content as people have asked, I told my work a few weeks ago that my grandma was in fact it was terminal so I pre warned work about it, so they where aware. My work are very good when it comes to bereavement. I’ll give them a call tomorrow and let them know what happening m, more likely I’ll probably be back in work next work

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Chaoslatte · 09/06/2022 11:26

PP raise valid points but I still don’t think the manager should have been calling - OP says it was all on the first day. All of the manager’s questions could easily have waited a day or so until the shock had passed a little. It was very insensitive of her to badger OP like that. She could also have texted or emailed.

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theotherfossilsister · 09/06/2022 11:27

I got five days compassionate when my dad died and then two days sick leave, then a phased return for a week.

Is manager calling to see if you're ok?

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