Where to get professional urgent advice for a child who lost their mum

[aLittleL1fe]

An 11y old child wants to see their mum one last time before the funeral takes place. The death was sudden and the body looks different due to the circumstances of sudden death. Mum would not want to be seen like this but dad agreed to take the child as this was the child's decision. Is there an organisation that could provide urgent support and advice to dad on how to talk to the child about this, how to prepare them so they're sure they make an informed decision? I googled up Winston's Wish, sudden.org, Cruse, Sue Ryder and Marie Curie but don't know if any of them would be able to speak urgently? (within days). Anything else to consider?..

Erm, not sure. Winston’s Wish?

Maybe your local hospice could help point you in the right direction?

Ask the funeral director. They are pretty well informed about useful organisations.
Also your local council website should have information about bereavement support services.

You could try calling The Laura Centre tomorrow.
thelauracentre.org.uk/services

Balloons charity.
Local children's centre
ask school or gp for any links they have?

Does dad have any idea what to expect? He can't make a decision for his child unless he knows exactly what the child will see.

Samaritans perhaps

Sorry, Balloons in local to devon.

Child Bereavement Trust are excellent

www.childbereavementuk.org/

www.griefencounter.org.uk/

www.childbereavementuk.org/

www.thegoodgrieftrust.org/

www.careforthefamily.org.uk/Family-life/bereavement-support/supporting-bereaved-people/further-help

Thanks @endofagain very good point.

The coroners officer should be able to give you some good advice. They will be able to tell you what to expect and should be able to point you in the direction of supporting agencies.
If the police have been involved the family liaison officer will help support and signpost.

Most child bereavement advice is to be led by the child. No organisation is going to tell the dad what is best. It will be different for each child. Not to put you off seeking advice , more that the urgency is irrelevant because the dad will have to decide himself regardless of getting advice or not. It is so hard.

I think a discussion with the funeral director is wise so that the child has an accurate idea of what to expect. They may be able to speak to the child themself and answer questions.

At that age, whether they see the parent or not, neither option will have no impact. They will need careful support regardless. So I think it's more a case of getting advice on general support for bereaved children. Winston's wish indeed excellent and should have an advice line or web chat in short time frame.

My DNs of a similar age chose not to see my sister when she died. But were given the option.

Dad needs to see mum independently and then decide if he’s willing to let the 11 year old go.

I’d recommend a closed coffin as a way of saying goodbye. Funeral directors are usually very good at giving advice on this and body condition.

And yes to dad needing support. Of course. He will be in shock and his grief will be complex as he has to manage the children's too. Much love to the family x

Winston's wish have a phone line. I have found them v helpful pre COVID.

Grateful for all the comments, thank you.

I used Winston's Wish late last year and they spoke to me within 24 hours. I briefly explained the urgency in the message I left. Similar situation about how to handle the funeral with a young child. Very good advice too.

I recently went through this situation with a friend. The dad died in hospital and the bidy was not stored correctly due to covid problems and delays. The funeral director advised the mum not to let the child see the body. It would have been horrific and the child was 17.

You can never unsee these things.

Speak to the funeral director. They are the experts and they do make the appearance as good as they can, which varies but is not as alarming as I thought

I heard of a case where the children just saw their parent's hand and were able to touch or kiss it if they wished. The body was covered so the face was not visible as it had serious injuries. Would that be an option to ask about?

I hope the whole family get a lot of support.

@gogohm it was a sudden death and there may be limitations to what's possible

I am so sorry.