my lovely dad died suddenly on boxing night - can't believe it, we are all devasted

[josben]

it's like a living nightmare - and now there is so much to do,

My mum is reproaching herself, torturing herself - wondering if she could've done something to have saved him... i want to help my mum and I don't know how to...

I am so sorry. I've just been browsing and come across this thread.

My lovely dad also died very suddenly on 12th December so I can understand exactly what you are going through. It has been a hellish time and a very grim Christmas but we had to keep going for dd(7) and dd(4). The paperwork etc is proving not to be as bad as I thought - on the whole everyone has been really helpful.

My mum is very sad and depressed and anxious, and also very bad tempered which is not like her at all. I am assuming this is part of the greiving process.

I don't know about you but when dad died it felt like my childhood had finally ended (and I'm nearly 40!). Very scary.

Just for the record my kids went to the funeral. DD found it really sad and cried the whole way through in my mum's arms but DS being younger didn't get it at all and kept asking why Grandad was in the box (coffin) very loudly . I think releasing ballons is a lovely idea and I wish I'd thought of this.

I really hope you are all doing okay. I can't help with wish words of wisdom because this is all new to me to but may it helps to know someone else is in the same boat

X

Thanks for your post phlox - I know what you mean, since my dad died its like I have become the parent overnight (which in a way seems quite natural as my Brother and i are now looking after my Mum, as if we have always done that.)

At the moment my mum is just getting by - she doesn't want to organise anything or take any of the responsibility of funeral arrangements - I just don't think she feels up to it. She is still in shock i think. She has also been quite uncharacteristically short tempered - (as you say must be part of the grieving process.)

I think that after the funeral it will get harder, as at the moment there is so much to do with funeral arrangements and there are so many friends and family wanting to visit etc. I know that this will all change in a week or so and the reality will probably hit home that my dad has gone...

I am still unsure about whether my Ds's should go to the funeral... They may end up just going to the 'reception' afterwards...

Someone told me it takes 4 months for the reality of a bereavement to hit home - that seems like a long time...

Thinking of you and your family at this sad time x