Clearing a hoarder's house

[Morethanthis71]

My Mum passed away last week. Unexpected, completely unexpected. I've been trying to clear the house for my Dad who is too upset to return at the moment. Mum was an extreme hoarder. It's taken me 2 days to clear the living room and the landing. I've bagged up 'keep', 'sell', 'donate', 'check'. There is just so so much more to do.
How can I make it easier for myself?

Rainbowqueen I've thought of leaving things outside but I'm worried he will be ashamed by the amount that is there. I'm trying to operate under cover of darkness at the moment.

Sorry about your mum You mum isn't her stuff. Both my parents were hoarders to varying degrees; it's tricky. It's a process that you have to go through. Try and be methodical. Only be sentimental about truly sentimental (or precious) things or you will end up with loads of unwanted stuff of your own.

@TeacupDrama

Just a note some hoarders hid money in very unusual places inside old envelopes packets of tights in old bedlinen inside jumper sleeves. I Know as my Mil did this we found over 7000 pounds some so old when all bank notes were white, but bank exchanged them so sometimes you need to clear yourself to find these things

Oh...my mum also a hoarder told us she did just this...to stop us clearing the piles of magazines and papers....we must have spent months checking each pile carefully ....and found nothing....just another hoarder technique to avoid chucking...!!

My mam kept my Nan’s eiderdown. To wrap round to remind her of the warmth of her mam.

A lovely thing. 🌻

My late FIL hid money inside cushion covers. Check everything.

Clothing and handbags - you might be able to donate to a women shelter - refuge .
So many women leave with just the clothes on their back they might be happy to have some nice to wear
Look on apps like Nextdoor they often have charity’s asking for clothes

@Morethanthis71

I feel bereft at having lost my Mum but also bereft that we as a family were clearly unable to give her what she emotionally needed. So so sad.

Please dont think like that. You was probably her world and she got nothing but you from you. Its something from her past that made her hoard. Some older trauma that maybe she didnt even think much about any more but didnt process at the time.

Oh OP, what a difficult situation for you.

You absolutely didn't make her hoard or fail to provide what she needed.

Hoarding disorder is classified as a mental health issue and is quite complex - I'm a professional organiser but do not deal with clients with hoarding disorder, purely because there are people better trained to do so. I would never want to do more harm than good.

Anyway, back to your mum's home. Self care is just as key as the clearing here. Try to get out of the house during the day between clearing sessions, for a coffee / trip to the off license / to watch the birds. Hydrate. If you need to take extra leave from work, do it.

If you can get additional help for the coming days, do. Focus first on getting the stuff that is clearly not valuable or useful (eg stacks of newspaper, old food wrappers or containers) out of the house - a skip may we'll be needed. My grandma left stacks and stacks of needlecraft magazines. It would have been lovely to pass them on to someone who would've appreciated them, but in reality we had about two weeks to get her housing association flat totally cleared, so that wasn't a priority.

I second what previous posters said about selling - if you can enlist a third party to take charge of that for a selected 'chunk' of items, great. If not, consider how much time you have to dedicate to selling on fb etc.

In terms of items that aren't got rid of, try to think in terms of 'what do you want to keep?' instead of 'what do you want to give away?' - the subtle difference can have quite a big effect on the amount kept.

If you want to chat about anything specific feel free to drop me a PM.

Sorry nothing but joy from you I mean

Get storage boxes and sort out keep and bin charity shop the clothes or one of those cash for clothes places,

First, I am sorry for the loss of your mother.
Clear one small area at a time- eg one table top, or one shelf, and then move on to the next.
Charity shops will likely come and collect if you have a lot of things.
Or if you feel like doing it, a boot sale?

Sorry for your loss OP

If the clothes and handbags are appropriate for work wear, you might consider donating to a charity like Smartworks that gives unemployed women nice clothes for job interviews. They say they are especially in need of handbags at the moment.

I would do an open day if possible rather than sell bits and pieces
Selling them you will waste far more time
You will deal with the
hagglers , the huns
The -how much “
the “ can you deliver “
address - and not even telling you what they want .

For every genuine person who arrives on time pay you what you advertised and don’t fuck you about You will get 100 weirdos nutcases entitled people that will harass you .
You will waste hours from your life you will never get back .
If it’s a lot of stuff maybe a car boot sale or an open day when the weather is nice and car boots can be fun
Post on all the all the local area Facebook groups and next door
Enlist a friend or two to help you out

Whereabouts in the UK are you?

Three categories for your own sanity.

Skip. This is the default category.

Needed to function as a house. Reserved for essential appliances, essential furniture, essential furnishings, essential equipment - one set of pans, kitchen utensils that are perfect and high quality, three sets of bedlinen in perfect condition, one set of perfect towels - the things that would actually be needed if someone were moving into a new build.

Very valuable. Largely jewellery, photographs and very, very little else. The things you would pick up if the house were on fire.

@NeverDropYourMooncup we are of the same mind….

OP I’m really proud of you. Well done for keeping going. My dad is hoarding things & is not in great health. I went into the kitchen for the first time in 5 yrs recently & broke down. It was very very hard to see.

So not having been in the house for 15yrs makes perfect sense to me. I don’t know why the accumulation of ‘stuff’ happens but I am very very anti it. I’m actively ridding myself of possessions at the moment.

I don’t get want to put my DC in the position you and are in. X

Sorry for your loss OP. Like PP I would strongly encourage you to get rid of as much as possible now. I don’t think it gets easier to get rid of later on. My MIL kept things of her dad’s in the garage at his old house for 10 years until they had to sell it, came to clear it and ended up just moving most of it into their own garage. I would take one or two key pieces that remind you of your mum to treasure, encourage other family members to do the same and then as others say get a big skip

Thanks everyone. A lot of the clothes are plus sizes so I think once I've cleared the house, I'm going to sell things in bundles. I want to raise the cash so that my Dad has something to show for it, maybe a family holiday. My kids are u der strict instructions never to spend money on things for me again. All gifts going forward to be days out, family meals, etc. There is not much that I am attached to in the house, but I'm trying to be respectful. If it brought my Mum joy to buy it, then I shouldn't really skip it.

And I am going to set a time limit of a year. If its not been sold by Christmas, I'll donate it.

We had to do this for my dad

We hired a skip and binned everything that wasn’t wanted by us

Storage for the personal stuff buys you time

Book banks were amazing - over 900 books gone

OP, you don’t know what made your mum a hoarder, but it certainly wasn’t you, and you shouldn’t feel guilty that you couldn’t “cure” her either.
My MIL was a hoarder- it took a year to clear her house - but in her case it was post traumatic, as she spent 4 years in a Japanese concentration camp during WW2.
The process of sifting through her possessions can be a positive thing. It is a connection to her, some objects may trigger nice memories, you may discover bits of family history, and it is a gentle catharsis of your grief, as you slowly let go of these remaining pieces of her life.

Good luck OP. It’s clear you love your mum very much. If something brought her great joy, it’s okay to let it go. X

I'm sorry to hear about your mum.

Please be very careful about letting things in to your own home to sort out. My parents still have a whole room filled with stuff to sort through from my grandmas years after she died, I think it just got too much but now I'm worrying about having to sort it instead. Remember how this has made you feel and don't do it to your kids too.

I'm storing everything in their shed. I think the sheer volume of stuff has worried my children, they will make sure I stick to my sell it by Christmas or else deadline. I've already bagged up things I can use as prizes, as well as donations for the yearly hamper to the Church. Toiletries for a local emergency shelter. I'll do the same with towels and bedding once I've made sure my Dad has enough. Any crockery I've kept, as she had nice stuff, I've done a one in one out with my old stuff. It's going to take forever.

Just remember that honouring your mum and your memories of her is not the same as honouring her hoard. Its fine to chuck stuff if the alternative is rehoarding it or becoming overwhelmed.