I ask because 2 people I know slightly but not well have lost los in tragic circumstances recently. One at work, one at ds1's school. People seem either to be avoiding them or the topic in general. Have said to both 'I'm so sorry' etc & sent cards, now I don't know if it would be considered rude/insrusive to ask 'how are you feeling' etc.
The only thing I have to go on is that after my own mc 4 years ago I was really angry and bitter generally, and no one could say much that was right to me. I almost preferred that everyone ignored it and didn't ask, but I know that isn't the right way for everyone.