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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

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Original poster

My childrens Dad died yesterday.

74 replies

grecianurn82 · 26/12/2021 16:19

We've been separated over 4 years but spoke almost every day. He looked after the children in my house while i worked. I hadn't heard from him in a few days and his phone was off so i asked the police to break in, no one else had keys. They did and found him. Its surreal. I'm so lost.

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 26/12/2021 18:40

Are you the Ladies whose ex was an alcoholic?

I’m sorry for you and your kids, either way. 💐

BrightYellowDaffodil · 26/12/2021 18:41

I’m sorry for your loss

Pinkypenguin · 26/12/2021 18:41

I'm so sorry for your loss OP.

People in similar situations have found Winston's Wish to be very helpful.

Sending love ❤️ xxx

nancybotwinbloom · 26/12/2021 18:44

I'm so sorry op I read your other post.

Sending you love ❤️

Nocutenamesleft · 26/12/2021 19:05

I’m so sorry. I was wondering today what had happened. Literally been searching for your name. I knew before I opened this post it was you

I am so so sorry. If you need someone to talk too. Please PM me xxx

Mochudubh · 26/12/2021 19:11

Sending hugs to you. My Dad died of a heart attack when I was very young. I know it's no comfort to you now but I probably dealt with it better than my older siblings as I just kind of accepted it as something that happened.

Give yourself some space to come to terms with it and try to answer your children's questions (if the have any) honestly as best you can. If they are not NT they will possibly be more "matter of fact" ,about it than you expect.

This was the case for my DH's autistic nephew when his Dad died suddenly when he was 10. He dealt with it far better than his sibling as, like me, he just sort of accepted it as a thing that happened.

You and your children will get through this. Wishing you all the very best X X X.

Fredstheteds · 26/12/2021 19:36

So sorry

Biglumpycustard · 26/12/2021 19:42

I read your post yesterday, I’m so sorry for your loss and for all his children 💐

BringUsSomeFrigginPudding · 26/12/2021 19:45

Very sorry for your loss. It's no wonder you're in shock. Wishing for peace for you and your children, once you've had time to come to terms with it.

badlydrawnbear · 26/12/2021 19:48

I am so sorry. My DCs’ died recently (we were still married but it was complicated). How old are your children? I think Winston’s Wish, the child bereavement charity, has resources for helping DC with autism. If you email them or call their helpline, they can post information to you or give you advice.

SonicStars · 26/12/2021 19:57

So sorry to hear about your loss.

To echo people above this may be a very difficult thing for your children to process so please don't try to do it by yourself. There are national and local charities who have the tools to support you through this.
childhoodbereavementnetwork.org.uk/ is a good place to start. But there's no rush.

Sending love and strength to you.

SonicStars · 26/12/2021 19:59

Oh and you will have complicated grief too. There are people to talk to here. www.cruse.org.uk/get-support/

ParkheadParadise · 26/12/2021 20:26

What a 24hrs you've had.

I would imagine it's a small comfort to have everything done in such little time identification/post mortem esp with Christmas.
When my Dd died we waited days for the post mortem.

DontKeepTheFaith · 26/12/2021 20:33

Oh I’m so sorry, that’s really very sad😢

I hope you and your children have lots of support. Thinking of you all💐

LaChristmasBella · 26/12/2021 21:19

My heartfelt sympathies to you and your family. Sudden and unexpected death is so hard to process.

If it was a sudden event, then take comfort, if you can, in the fact he didn't suffer.

Happierwithouthim · 26/12/2021 23:17

That's awful news & even more so because it was you when noticed something was wrong & made the call to police. Take care of yourself

Original poster

grecianurn82 · 27/12/2021 09:15

Thank you all so much. The funeral will be Friday. I just feel like its all a dream. My children aren't understanding it at all. My older daughter is quite upset, he's not her dad but she had a good relationship with him. I'm scared that the children are my sole responsibility now, does that sound really stupid??

OP posts:

Happierwithouthim · 27/12/2021 15:15

Of course it doesn't sound stupid, it'll take a bit of getting used to but because ye were apart it'll be some bit easier. Hope dc settle with whoever you get to mind them when you return to work.

SonicStars · 27/12/2021 16:47

It is scary. I don't know what to say that won't sound trite.

Just keep on as best you can.

Original poster

grecianurn82 · 27/12/2021 18:06

I don't know how to get through the next few days. I keep expecting him to text to see how the girls are or to say hes coming up to see them. If anyone else in my life had died he would have been the first here offering to look after the girls and making me tea.

OP posts:

badlydrawnbear · 27/12/2021 21:27

That’s not stupid at all. It’s terrifying that my DC are now entirely my responsibility and I don’t see why that would be different for you because you weren’t living with him. And also the realisation that the one person who would make you feel better in this terrible time is the person that isn’t here is very hard.

Original poster

grecianurn82 · 27/12/2021 22:13

@badlydrawnbear thank you x

OP posts:

Happierwithouthim · 30/01/2022 14:11

Hope you and your girls are doing ok

Kottontail · 30/01/2022 14:17

I'm so so sorry for your loss. Its so complicated (I've been in your position). Sending healing hugs. Keep talking & let people help. You will all be OK. X

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