Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

I’m not ready for my dad to die

26 replies

Jinnybean · 25/09/2021 19:32

My dad (72) is badly ill in hospital. He has heart failure, kidney failure and a lung infection. It’s very touch and go atm. I was allowed to see him today for the first time since he was admitted and while being fed a yogurt he almost choked to death in front of me. Iv never seen such fear in someone’s face. It was horrific and I’m really shook up. I had to go and sob in the bathroom. He doesn’t want to live anymore.
He had a stroke when I was 16 (I’m 31 now) snd my mum died when I was 19.

I’m not ready to be orphaned yet. He’s my hero and I love him so so so much.

I fear I won’t get to see him again. They don’t really know vistors on the ward so no idea how me and my sister got in today or how she’s been going every week on her own. (They would only lllow one and she’s taken it upon herself to be his next of kin).

I feel so emotional and lonely.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jinnybean · 25/09/2021 23:11

He died tonight. I’m heartbroken.

OP posts:
StuffLikeThat · 25/09/2021 23:13

Oh goodness, I'm so so sorry for your loss. Do you have someone with you for support? X

Ozanj · 25/09/2021 23:13
Flowers
Kneller92 · 25/09/2021 23:17

I'm so sorry for your loss OP. There is nothing anyone can say to take your pain away but I will be thinking of you and sending strength your way through this difficult time Flowers

Original poster
Jinnybean · 25/09/2021 23:19

Thank you. I’m in shock. I knew he was so poorly this morning but they said his oxygen was 100%. When my sister rang they said he was chatting away snd had ate his dinner. My sister and brother are going to go and see him. I’m not sure if I should or not.

OP posts:
Myusernameisnotmyusernameno · 25/09/2021 23:41

I'm so sorry. My dad passed away last year and I never got to see him at the end but thoughts are with you xx

yourestandingonmyneck · 25/09/2021 23:45

@Jinnybean I am so, so dreadfully sorry.

He must have been a wonderful man to have been so loved.

You, and your dad, are in my thoughts xXx

EmeraldDaisy · 26/09/2021 04:12

Flowers So sorry to hear that.

BlurpBlorp · 26/09/2021 04:33

So sorry for your loss OP. Wish I had some magic words... Sending you strength Flowers

Hollywolly1 · 26/09/2021 04:54

So sorry for your loss Flowersfor you

EnidFrighten · 26/09/2021 05:00

Flowers I'm sorry OP.

pepsirolla · 26/09/2021 05:02

So sorry to hear this. My Dad passed 3 years ago. I know how you feel and understand. My dad also knew he was going and didn't want to fight anymore and I got strength from that.All I can offer you is the knowledge that your dad is free from pain and knew he was loved. It will get easier though you will never forget. And that helps too. Keep talking about him to family and friends and he will always be with you. Best wishes Flowers

yourestandingonmyneck · 26/09/2021 20:12

How you doing @Jinnybean ? xXx

BlackAlys · 26/09/2021 22:19

I'm so sorry @Jinnybean.

I was about to respond to your OP and my heart lurched when I saw your update.

There are no words to bring you comfort, but it's a real fear of mine. I am not ready. I'm sending you love, sympathy and strength.

Original poster
Jinnybean · 27/09/2021 07:29

I’m so hurt and exhausted. My husband doesnt understand. He isn’t close to his parents snd has never felt grief before.

He was being snappy this morning moaning that the kids had ate loads of the food already and I asked him not to be grumpy, he replied “so you have a free pass now to be annoying”?!

I feel so alone

OP posts:
Panda8383 · 27/09/2021 07:33

Jinnybean

I am so sorry for you loss, your husband needs to be there for you, especially now!! Right now you’ll be going through all the emotions and he should understand that xx

EmeraldDaisy · 27/09/2021 07:56

So sorry to hear that your husband isn't being supportive. Yes, as someone recently bereaved myself I'd say you do have a free pass to be annoying!
Would he look at the Cruse site so he can get a better understanding of grief?

BlackAlys · 27/09/2021 09:48

@Jinnybean

I’m so hurt and exhausted. My husband doesnt understand. He isn’t close to his parents snd has never felt grief before.

He was being snappy this morning moaning that the kids had ate loads of the food already and I asked him not to be grumpy, he replied “so you have a free pass now to be annoying”?!

I feel so alone

He shouldn't be letting you down.

I'm sorry - you must be heart broken Thanks

Original poster
Jinnybean · 28/09/2021 06:40

Thank you. I’m so annoyed and upset that Iv not been given the time to grieve. I’m still having to get up in the night to sort the youngest out/ the puppy. Still having to put the kids to bed, still have to parent and tidy.

I just want to shut myself away and be looked after.

Iv got a sore throat this morning as well, I feel so run down.

OP posts:
Mogs43 · 29/09/2021 01:21

I am so sorry to read what you have been through.

My father died last year - I don't have any siblings and he was divorced, so mostly just me and him. Like your father he had a stroke when I was a teenager so we were exceptionally close. I was broken after he died.

I know you said that your husband doesn't understand what you are experiencing - if he wont listen to you could you write it down for him(say how you feel and what you need from him) or could you speak to a friend or family member that he does listen to? You need space and support to get through this. Can anyone else help? I think the sore throat etc may be your body telling you to take it easy - I know that after my father died I seemed to catch every little thing. Please do look after yourself - you are important and need time to grieve.

Original poster
Jinnybean · 30/09/2021 20:01

I’m so mentally drained. I had to go and clear his bungalow today. Seeing his chair, his glass of water that was left of the side etc has broken me but I can’t cry. I still have to parent. Still have to cook dinner, wash clothes, do the school run. Plus it’s my sons birthday tomorrow. I can’t get excited. I feel like an awful mum but I’m SO exhausted.

OP posts:
bubbleKey · 30/09/2021 20:45

So sorry op Thanks

StinkingCold · 30/09/2021 22:59

I'm so sorry OP Flowers

Original poster
Jinnybean · 14/10/2021 07:40

It’s my dads funeral today. It doesn’t feel real. Like my brain isn’t processing it. It’s stopping me from grieving properly.

I went to see him on Saturday and he looked so handsome and just like my dad.

OP posts:
beelover · 14/10/2021 09:58

Thinking of you today Flowers