My fiancé has died 2 months after my mum

[Stunnedscared]

I’m just numb. It was so sudden, he was very healthy but it was an aneurysm. He was 43. I’m still plodding through the admin for mum and trying to get used to not having her, so upset she’d not see me married and then this. I miss her but she was ill for a long time so when she died I was glad it was over for her, I miss her terribly but I’d been grieving for a while before I actually lost her if that makes sense. I coped, I cried, but I managed with his support. I love remembering her and I smile.

This is so different. In shock, he was in hospital for 4 days but they couldn’t save him. We were due to get married in a few weeks. So have had to cancel all that. Just on autopilot numb then it’s so painful I’m doubled over. It’s been two days and I’m calmly doing this admin then weeping hysterically for an hour. I feel I’m not in control of my body or my brain. I feel all these conflicting thoughts, I hate him for leaving me, I want him back, I want to see him so badly but I don’t want to look at photos, I’ve taken down all the photos.

I want to burn my wedding dress, rip it to shreds screaming, all his things I want to throw out, never see again. I can’t tell anyone I just can’t say the words. His best friend is telling most people. I cant even tell my sister, I just can’t text this but I can’t speak. I feel physically in pain. I’m so tired but strung out, I just really really want him right here. Warm and solid and laughing.
I’m so scared. What do I do? How do I get through this?

Sorry none of this post makes sense I just needed to put it down.

I'm so sorry OP. No real advice just holding your hand x

Oh my goodness, you poor thing. I have absolutely nothing helpful to say except that I can feel your grief in your words and it’s so understandable that you feel this intense pain. You have been through so much and it just not fair.

So sorry Do you have anyone with you to support you and help with practicalities?

I'm so so sorry OP, of course you are in a state of shock. It's so unfair that you have to go through this.

Call your sister. Just tell her what happened, you don't need to worry about how to say it. It's important that you have someone to support you.

That's terrible OP, I can't even begin to imagine the pain you're in.

Keep posting on here if it helps, you can rage at us or share all your feelings with no judgement.

Call your sister, lovely. You need her. I'm so so sorry x

I’m so sorry. Xx

I think you need your sister. I also think the GP would prescribe you Xanax or sleeping pills just now if you felt like that could help you get through this. Xx

I'm so sorry. Life is just so unfair sometimes. x

Oh gosh OP I'm so so sorry to hear this. No one should have to deal with such loss in a short time.
Definitely contact your GP to get some medication to help you through this initial period.
Consider contacting cruse (if you are in the uk) or other bereavement service; they are really good. Let people help you, your sister/ friends, you need support.

I have lots of support thank you, and for all your comments. Too much in a way. his best friend is telling all my fiancé’s friends, his work partner is dealing with clients etc, he has a huge family so they are looking after his parents, his cousin is helping with the hospital stuff and my best friend came even though I said not to come but she just listened and made me drink and eat. It’s so kind. I’m overwhelmed tbh. I just smile and then lie down with a visceral pain I feel sick with it.

What I can’t seem do is tell my family and people that will be more worried about me. Because of Covid and living far away they don’t know him very well. Mysister, my aunt, they’ve been so sad with mum going. They’ll grieve for him but mostly for me. It’s too hard to tell them because I know they’ll feel my pain if that makes any kind of sense. but I can’t just send a text about this.

I just can’t tell anymore people because it makes it real, I spent so long telling people about mum, every time hearing the person’s pain, the denial, so my throat closes up every time I pick up the phone.

I am so sorry this has happened to you. It sounds like you are in shock, you've suffered a big trauma. Please call your GP and tell them how you're feeling.

Do you have anyone who could move in for a few days? You need looking after.

I know telling people makes it feel real. When my DH died I couldn't bear saying it out loud. Take a deep breath and text your sister. You need support right now.

Sending you strength.

OP I can't imagine what you're going through. If you can't face telling your family, ask your best friend to phone them.

Please accept all the support offered. It's not going to make the pain go away but it will mean you don't have to deal with some of the everyday stuff. Let people care for you while you grieve.

So sorry that you’re going through this.
Ask your friend or someone else who already knows to break the news to your sister. It doesn’t have to be your job.

I couldn't read and run: I really feel for you in your sad loss. Please contact Cruse Bereavement Care, I know they will just let you rant or cry or whatever you feel like doing.

I'm so sorry to hear of this devastating loss for you, so soon after you list your mum.

Ask your friend to tell her and maybe also ask someone to clear out his stuff/ take the wedding dress but don't chuck it all yet, in time you might want to look at it and save some bits when it is less raw.

Thank you everyone. You’re all so kind. 🌻

Oh God, you poor thing. Such immense shock and pain. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Just wrote longer update but page decided to refresh. In summary I can’t bear this anymore I just want to be with him
I’m not suicidal but it’s my wedding day today. On my own. I miss him, I miss him so much. I miss sex too, is that awful? It was so loving and joyful and I’ll never experience that again. He was only 43. Just so happy and full of life. Then nothing. It doesn’t make sense. None of this does.

Of course it’s not awful, it’s perfectly natural that you’re missing that too.

So so desperately sad to hear today should have been your day. Sending you the biggest hugs.

Each day that you plough through is one less to push through, Ok. You’re doing so blooming well.

Hi OP. Today must be an unimaginably hard day. Of course it’s not awful that you miss sex with someone you love. I’m so sorry that you are going through this. I really hope that you have some support around you. We are here to listen.

How awful for you so much to deal with

Nothing to add except Very Best Wishes at this most difficult time.

What a horrific thing to go through, I am so sorry.

Have you got support? Friends, family, a counsellor?

Sending you a tight hand squeeze tonight.

Life can be very cruel. You was in shock with your mum and now this. How could anyone possibly cope in such a sad situation. You will get through this. You will smile and laugh and be happy again. But greif is a horrible process. You wont ever forget them and you wont ever "get over it" but you you will wake up one day and it wont be the first thing in your mind or the last thing on your mind at night. However long it takes you will one day be happy because you loved them, they was worth missing and a blessing in your life. You will think back and smile and laugh. But you cant put a deadline on when. I really am.sorry for your loss