its a year on saturday since dd little man died and im finding it so hard

[hazygirl]

shes doing so well im so proud of her,id never lost anyone so close and never relised how hard it is, ive been there for her every day just had a weekend where we went away, but im finding it so hard at the moment holding everything together ,i work full time on nights ,3 nights and two full days , i go to work fine but live on ads now and dont seem to b getting any nearer off them, i dont go out any more unless someone is with me.and dont seem to even cook proper meals anymore,i know i should be glad i have a great family but i want out of this rutt,sorry i needed a rant sometimes i feel like you girls are the only ones i talk to i think bad day cos my grandaughter at hospital today for a check up x

I have no wise words hazygirl. Just want to say I am thinking of you.

def need a rant, thats the great thing about here. You need to be angry, and let out the hurt.

You sound like a great mother, and I am sorry you are feeling so low, but it is a sad time for you.

sending hugs and I hope that you continue to find strength.

Hi Hazygirl,
Don't even worry about the ADs at the moment it's not a race of how quickly you can do with out them. Could you reduce or condense yor hours at work at all? Then maybe you could do something just for you. I was thinking of piano lessons recently something I'd always wanted to do but I can't even read music! Where about do you live? I'd love to come and take you out if possible I'm in them midlands. Maybe you could do cookery classes just to kick start your interest again.
Have you made any plans for saturday at all? Are you ready for maybe a simple family meal a takeaway or a cassorole( something really easy) and getting photos out or writing little messages to your grandson or your new grandaughter or even each other. I know it's going to be so hard for everyone but maybe now is the time to face your sadness together but make some future memories aswell.

I think of you often
x

i live in leeds,yorkshire ,i thought about cutting my hours but i would spend even more time at home, just finished work ,my grandaughter is fine ,really healthy hospital keeping an eye on her just to be safe.i have taken weekend off cos i want to be here, i am so lucky i took so many photos of jayden i spend hours looking at them. his photos are on walls he was such a great little chap i just dont understand why he died.my dd is arranging a white water rafting event to raise more money into cot death reseachx

hazygirl - would it be ok if I pray for you all this weekend?

northern lurker please do i feel so shit today ,i am working tnite im glad couldnt sleep so sprayed everywhere with lavendar then dp couldnt sleep for coughing

Wishing you all love and strength for this weekend hazygirl. How will you spend the day?

Glad you have the reassurance of hospital check ups. Remember CONI support is for all the family and that means you too. It's also still early days emotionally so try not to give yourself a hard time.

How are your dd and her dp doing too?

they broke up a couple of times found it hard when dd was born she is wonderful her other daughter went in hospital yesterday they have found black areas on her bladder now but her remaining kidney is doing well but cant discharge her yet ,we are going to cemetry in morning as he has a new bear for his garden,how are you now

hazygirl - thinking of you
take strength from your family and lovely wee GD x

Didn't realise it was another granddaughter that was seen yesterday, sorry about that, shouldn't assume.
We're doing ok I think, just all very up and down. Looking forward to Christmas for dd1's sake but dreading it at the same time. Take care

yes new dd got seen tuesday shes fine coni care is brill back up ,how old is dd1

hazygirl - thinking of you all and praying for you. Hold on to one another, please pass on my best wishes to your dd and all the family

Hazygirl, I'm so sorry. In my experience, and that of my friends, the run up to the baby's first birthday is just dreadful, but the day itself never as bad as you imagined. Deciding how you'll spend the day does help - one friend sent little paper boats out to sea, we went for a big walk to talk about our daughter and bought her a tree.

I hope you sleep as well as you can tonight, and that tomorrow brings peace. Thinking of you.

Thinking of you hazygirl. x

sending you strong vibes for the weekend

just got back from cemetry and he has so many flowers on him ,santa claus,windmills and angels, i feel all choked up, it looked lovelyx

Hazygirl - I cannot find your email address.

I am thinking of you and your daughter and her husband and their little girl - and of course, Jayden.

It will get easier for you. Take each day as it comes.

x

Much love to you hazygirl. I live in Leeds too and I saw your notice in the Leeds Weekly News - it was beautiful and made me cry.

Thinking of you, your family and Jayden on this very difficult day.x

my email address is www. hazel jeffkyns at bt internet dot com .i cant believe it is a year how r u

hi mrs wednesday how local r u i thought it just went in one

Sounds like I'm very local then - north west Leeds.

i live in yeadon

Thinking of you and baby Jayden,

I hope you've had a peaceful day

xxx

Been thinking and praying for you all today. Good to read you were pleased with how the graveside looked - It comes across so vividly from your posts how loved and missed Jayden is.