TW Bereaved by suicide of husband

[Purplebutterfly320]

My husband took his own life on Tues.
Can anyone give me any advice about how to cope?
Thank you

Oh my goodness, I am so sorry for you. Do you have real life support?

I imagine that you're still in shock. Try and eat if you can otherwise keep your fluids up.

Do you have children?

I am so sorry to hear this. Not sure how I can advise how to cope. Do you have any DC? Any support. Immediate advice are you working? Can you take time off? I know there are charities I have heard of such as young and widowed or I think cruise can offer immediate help on strategies to cope.

Hopefully others will come along to advise further.

I think theres an episode of griefcast that deals with suicide. Well worth a listen.

My partner died the same way 18 months ago.

First off I am so, so sorry you are in this shit club.

Practicality wise, are you comfortable with where you are staying right now? You're not on your own? Any children?

The next few months are going to be excruciating, but I promise you it does get easier, despite that sounding horrendous in its own right.

I'm so sorry. This charity targets people like yourself. They may offer a support group local to you.

https://uksobs.org/we-can-help/local-support-groups/find/?doingwpp_cron=1623517319.4936571121215820312500

I can't imagine what you are going through, I'm so sorry.
I recommend a Buddhist centre. I am firmly non religious and I go to try and find peace in my mind.
It's never about worshipping anything unless you want to and at mine they firmly state that regularly.
The people that go are lovely too and we sit down and chat.
You could try a grief group where people should be very understanding.
Don't stop talking to people xxx

Thank you everyone.
We have a 6 year old - so young to have this happen :-(
I do have real life support and have reached out to SOBS, and there is a local group.
It was his 6th attempt over 3.5 years and this time he succeeded.
I feel very guilty, and think I will for the rest of my life. I am so angry with myself and blame myself....Lots of 'if only I'd....'

The doctor who lost his brother didn't say suicides, he said he lost his battle with mental health, it's not semantics, suicide has come to mean that there is a choice, I don't believe there is. You didn't let him down, he didn't let himself down he just couldn't fight the illness any longer.

I'm so sorry for your loss, there is a book called Help is at Hand online that many people have found helpful. You'll find it and other advice on www.supportaftersuicide.org.uk
Take care of yourself x

I understand the 'if only' thoughts. My DH took his own life last May. The grief and pain and devastation can feel unbearable. I am so very sorry you are on this journey.

It doesnt get better IMO but you start to have good days and bad days. The grief can come out of nowhere and be completely overwhelming. Sending you love and strength

I am so sorry. For what you're going through now, and for what you must have been going through for the last 3.5 years.

When my friend was suicidal and I felt I'd said something wrong that made it worse when he reached out to me, I called a helpline. They told me that if someone truly intends to take their life, it is entirely their decision and not based on anything that anyone they reach out to, or who tries to help, has done. The feeling and the intent is far bigger than anything that we can do or understand.

Please don't feel responsible for any of this.

So sorry OP 💐

I’ll never forget a situation at work (in A&E) where the senior sister said “if someone wants to take their life they will find a way. Often they find peace once they’ve made that decision so appear calm and to those around them there’s often little to raise concern by that point.”

Op, you couldn’t have changed this outcome so please try to shake the guilt. My advice is to take things one day at a time. Looking too far ahead will be overwhelming. Look after yourself and be led by your grief. This is the one time to seriously put yourself before your dc. This sounds strange but children process differently and it takes longer for them so look after you first so you can support dc when needed. Take the help that’s offered. Dc might not want to talk about things at school as that’s the place where things can be normal… or school might be the place to talk. You’ll have many ups and downs and you have to let it happen.

Sending lots of love to you and your family.

I just want to die and find him in heaven and at peace.
And tell him how much I loved him.
And how sorry I am that I couldn't save him.
But I have to keep going on for our son.

One step at a time op. You will get through this even though that will feel impossible right now. Just do the basics - eat, feed dc, stay clean, try to get some sleep. Have 1 thing to achieve each day - that can be as simple as today I’m going to drink tea in the garden. Achievable goals.

so sorry this has happened. I would say that managing the basics and welcoming as much support as possible sounds like a good plan.

Was supposed tobe flowers not gin!

Hi Op. I just wanted to say how sorry I am - and agree with posters about accessing as much support as you can. Mental illness is horrible and there is nothing you could have done. Sending you and your son lots of love xxx

That's so sad. Please don't blame yourself. Six attempts - he was serious, wasn't he? Everything was too much for him to bear. I'm so sorry he was in such pain and I'm so sorry you and your son are suffering now.

This is not your fault any more than it would be if he'd died of cancer. He died of psychiatric illness, which was not his fault and not yours. Your son will be okay but may well have a rollercoaster response much later - likely in his teens - until he understands that his father died of a psychiatric illness and there is no blame.

If you can't bear to eat try to keep your sugar levels up with sugary drinks. It will help to physically keep you going in the short term.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Some previous posters have shared some important sentiments around losing somebody to a mental illness. Whilst you are suffering, he is not. Death is so awful for those of us left behind, but not for those we have lost, their suffering has ended x

So sorry OP, I lost my best friend to suicide nearly ten years ago now. It is such a complex devastating experience. Winston's Wish were a great support in how to explain and help her kids. Be gentle with yourself, take all the help you can

He is in heaven and he is at peace. You don't need to die to be reassured of that. He knows you love him and he loves you back but he decided it was his time to go. You couldn't have done anything to stop him longterm. One day you will see him again and he will be hoping you have lived your best life. He only wants the best for you. Don't punish yourself for something you could not have prevented, he would hate for you to do that. For all his demons, never forget that he loved you and your son so much.

Contact SOBS. Please. They have been where you are and they can help:

uksobs.org

I am so, so sorry.

I'm so very sorry. No advice, but I see from your previous post that you were doing all you could in a terrible situation and that he was clearly very seriously ill and in pain, and now at peace.