My dad has gone

[TheOriginalNutty]

Just like that. Here and now gone.

He felt ill with chest pain but an ecg was normal. He was still talking but looking ill but wanted to use the toilet so me and my brother tried to help him and he passed out. He came around straight away but then his breathing went weird and paramedics initially though he was having a panic attack. It wasn't a panic attack though cos he stopped breathing and then his heart stopped.

I cried so much I felt ill. But then I couldn't cry and now I don't know cos I just feel so lost. He was MY DAD how can he just go like that.

I feel like I need him to come back to warn me he was going.

Sorry I know this isn't making sense I just needed to ramble.

I'm so sorry for your loss. My dad died 26 yrs ago, my mam 10 yrs ago. There are times that I still can't believe it.

Oh my gosh I'm so sorry for your loss.

I'm so sorry, what a shock for you

Hope you have someone with you for support

I'm so sorry, that must have been very traumatic. I lost my dad too recently and am still in shock a bit

So sorry for your loss, what a shock for you, sending kindest thoughts

So sorry op. I know absolutely exactly what you mean about wanting him back to warn you.
I felt that way when I found my dad (at his home under doctors care) dead 15 minutes after heaving been talking to him about what he might like to eat for lunch. I was going to bring in a little tray. And there he was just gone.
It’s an awful shock on too of the grief.
Be really gentle with yourself. Ask for help fro friends and family - you’ll see the very best in some people. It will take time to understand.
I promise you you can and will get through this. There is fantastic support here on mn. The bereavements threads were a godsend some days just to share stuff.
Your dad would want nothing more than for you to be OK.
Support.

I am so sorry

Lost my DF just over 3 years ago. Ramble away. You will go through many emotions. I went through a period of denial to begin with. Would talk about his death to people but sort of believe I was talking about someone else, then a huge wave of grief would hit me when I realised I was talking about my dad

And support to you too turmeric and everyone else.

Thank you for being so kind.

He died at 11:40pm last night, which was also my birthday.

I have been with my two brothers since but I'm now home with 2 of my 3 children.

Ds is 18 and has currently not reacted at all.

We have to wait to hear if the coroner will request a postmortem. I don't really want them to because he will still be gone so what's the point but I know they might have to.

We have to have a big family discussion about the funeral. My dad didn't want one, he wanted to be cremated with no service or anyone attending. That's not what I want but was prepared to do it if it was what he wanted but I think his sisters may object.
I want to respect his choice but also feel an actual service would help me and others.

so sorry for you.

I've been there with my own Dad and the pain, shock and disbelief is unreal.

Make sure you keep your fluids up. Don't worry about food if you aren't hungry.

Lots of love to all of you going through/been through your own loss x

The same happened to me, op. I think funerals are for the living. Perhaps you could call it a celebration of his life instead

His poor dog, he adored her. She seems ok at the mo just a bit confused as to where he is but not distressed.

This might be a stupid question but can dogs go to funerals ? Probably being ridiculous now

I'm so very sorry for your loss. That's so sudden. Sending you strength to get through the most difficult time.

In my experience, the sense of loss doesn't disappear, but in time the edges of grief will be less sharp. Wishing you all the best.

OP, that is almost exactly how my Dad died. He was at my house and went to the bathroom and passed out and had locked the door. DH had to get ladder and climb in window. His heart had stopped an I thumped his chest and shook him and he started breathing again. I thought I had saved him. He went to hospital in ambulance. 2 days later he died of a massive heart attack. It is such a shock that someone who you think of as strong can go so quickly. I could not eat for about 5 days if you find it hard to eat you must force down fluids. I hope you have got family around who can comfort you. I am so sorry you are having an to go through this. Take care of yourself.

So sorry for your loss OP. My Dad passed away in December last year, I try to remember the good times with him and it's comforting. It sounds like you loved your Dad to bits like I loved mine. The only thing I can say is that when people go quickly like your Dad it, then it's better for them (although not you!) At least he did not lay and suffer and waste away. Cry when you need to and take your time to recover.

When our loved ones for suddenly it is much harder for those who.love them left behind but a kinder death for them. If s loved one is very ill and in pain and dies slowly over time it is easier for those left behind but harder for person dying. My Dad does of massive heart attack and I was told he would have felt pain for a minute or two before dying. My Mum had s horrible death and died of pancreatic cancer over 6 months of agonising pain. She was less than 6 stone when she died. Take comfort from fact your Dad would only have felt pain for a minute or two.

@TheOriginalNutty

Thank you for being so kind.

He died at 11:40pm last night, which was also my birthday.

I have been with my two brothers since but I'm now home with 2 of my 3 children.

Ds is 18 and has currently not reacted at all.

We have to wait to hear if the coroner will request a postmortem. I don't really want them to because he will still be gone so what's the point but I know they might have to.

We have to have a big family discussion about the funeral. My dad didn't want one, he wanted to be cremated with no service or anyone attending. That's not what I want but was prepared to do it if it was what he wanted but I think his sisters may object.
I want to respect his choice but also feel an actual service would help me and others.

I'm so sorry, on your birthday too

Sending love. Worst feeling in the world xx

Oh you poor poor thing, I am so sorry. Be very gentle to yourself, when there are a lot of stress related chemicals washing around in your body, the brain doesn't work the same. So be sure to ask people to write things down or repeat stuff.

Your DS18's brain is still developing so he may experience this differently - as well as people grieving differently anyway. Sometimes grief comes late and we don't always quite know why.

You could have a direct cremation... and then take his ashes to a memorial ceremony/wake? We did something similar for Mum, and it made the arrangements easier because all the (mainly elderly and frail) mourners only had to get to the one venue - with comfy chairs and good heating.

Again I can't say how so sorry I am you're going through this.

Oh that sounds really hard

So sorry OP, my dad passed away suddenly on New Year’s Eve last year.
It is still hard to imagine life with out him especially for my ds. He was his first and only grandchild and I feel he was robbed. He loved being a grandad.
My dad also didn’t want a funeral as such but we had one and it was lovely. He had so many people who loved him
Take time to feel any way you need to

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I think his wishes and your desire to honour them trump what his sisters want in all honesty.

Thank you all for the replies, they really do help.

Me and my younger brother have been over to my dads today. My older brother loved with him so he's still there. We mainly spent the day chatting about my dad which was lovely and his very kind neighbors made us dinner.

I seem to be ok when I'm there but worse when I'm at mine because I don't know what to do with myself.

WRT a funeral we have decided to completely honour his wishes and not have one and everyone is ok with that, although I am finding it incredibly hard to think that we will not be there to say goodbye on the day. I did say goodbye, gave him a kiss and told him I loved him before they took his body away but at the time I don't think my brain realised that would be the last time.

We are planning two have a get together for family and then another for locals as he was well known and loved throughout the area he lived in.

I’m so very sorry for your loss OP. (And for others here who have had their own loss)

No words will soothe your heart. No words will take away your pain.

But it sounds as though your dad left this world loved. Try to hold onto that in the small hours. It has been so sudden, it might take you a wee bit of time to make sense of it all.