I just don't know how to go on.

[peachgreen]

My beautiful DH died suddenly in October. Sorry to those of you who have already heard me banging on about all this. I have a 3 year old DD and she's really the only reason I'm still here. DH was all my happiness, he was my true soulmate and everything I needed. He made me so utterly content and I felt completely loved. I don't really know how to go on without that feeling. Or, to be honest, why. Right now I feel like I just have to trudge through life for DD and I can hardly bear it. I'm so, so unhappy. I miss him so much. And I can't see how I could ever be happy again. I'm no good on my own, being happily married was all I had ever wanted but I can't imagine anyone ever living up to DH or, for that matter, anyone else ever loving me the way he did. I just don't know what to do.

I remember your thread and often think of how you’re getting on. I don’t have any advice, because I don’t think I could say anything that would make it easier. I think your daughter was 2 last time you posted. Have I got that right?

Oh my goodness I'm so so sorry for your loss Peach. Its understandable you feel this way of course its still so raw.

Yes @swanshaped. She's 3 now and utterly wonderful. But somehow it's not enough. She's enough to keep me here and I would never leave her alone. But she's not enough to make me happy. DH was the only person who ever really made me completely happy. I just don't know how to go on without that.

Thank you @Aardvarkitsabloodyaardvark. It is so, so hard.

Such early days for you. Please hang on in there and seek out all the support you can- books,podcasts,forums,websites- whatever helps. So sorry it's so hard but well done for getting this far.💜🌺

I'm just so tired of it being hard @Peterbear. I'm so tired of thinking about it, of reading things and listening to things. I just want to be happy again.

It's very, early days and you have suffered an appalling trauma. Personally having lost my partner is sudden and tragic circumstances 6 years ago, my advice is to not think about the future, any further ahead than the next day or so. Just focus on doing the best you can tomorrow for you and your DD. Use any offers of help you get, tell people how you feel and let them support you emotionally and practically.

Also counselling, access this as soon as you can, it saved my life. My heart goes out to you.

And very slowly it does get easier xx

Dear OP I remember your post and what am awful heartbreaking time for you. I do think about you and your little girl and smile if I see your name pop up on mumsnet. I'm so sorry. Grief is unpredictable and deep. Could you access grief counselling? Sorry if that sounds flippant. I hope you find some sort of peace and able to find joy in life one day. All my love xxxx

Please contact Cruse Bereavement Care and put your name down for counselling, it is completely free of charge. We can help you X

So, so sorry to hear about your loss, OP.

My dd lost her husband very suddenly a couple of years ago when their youngest was only 6 months old. They were soulmates and often she would simply lie in bed and howl because she missed him so very, very much.

It was hard, and I know she physically dragged herself through most days. She tried mindfulness as a practise because it speaks about only being in the moment and she simply could not bear looking into even the next day or week without him. So please take this literally one day at a time, split the days into hours and cling on through each one.

Years later and she still misses him every day and has photos all over the house, she tells the children all about him. But she does smile again these days - usually about the children - and she tells me that sometimes she also feels happiness again too, if only briefly.

You don't deserve such terrible sadness and I'm sorry this has happened to you too. I hope you have family around you who can be with you.

Please hang in there, it never goes away but it does, very gradually, get easier.

Sending love

I understand what you mean. Children are wonderful but they’re not a partner. It’s a different kind of love. Can’t believe she’s 3 now.

Sorry that you're going through this. Your feelings are all completely normal x

Oh Peach, sending you a big squeezy hug right now. I second contacting Cruse bereavement, I really thin you need some practical support to get you through these hard times. I wish you well x

@johnbowlby I have already had my Cruse sessions unfortunately but thank you. The work you do is so important.

@vinnievangogh thank you. Can I ask - are you happy now? I hear so often stories like @Whitleybaylass's DD - people who years on are still just finding crumbs of happiness but really have never got over it. I'm so frightened I'll feel this way forever - just struggling through the days, never truly feeling content or safe again in the way that I did.

@whitleybaylass I'm so sorry for your DD's loss. I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone. It's agony. I hope she continues to find happiness

Thank you all. I feel very lost and alone with it tonight.

@peachgreen yes I am happy. I miss him, and there are still times when grief grips inside, often at the silliest or most unexpected moments but they become fewer and fewer and memories, good and fond memories replace the gripping, suffocating grief.

After it happened I just wanted to fast forward my life to get over it and be happy again. But there is no fast forward button, there's no way of not going through the process. So I decided to get counselling and try to find a way though. It was the best thing I ever did.

I've met someone new, kissing a few frogs on the way.

You will be happy again I promise you, and that's why I say just focus on tomorrow. Use whatever support you can find and have available and you will find a way to live a happy life again.

Sending you

Oops sorry, sending you hugs

Thank you so much @Vinnievangogh. That really helps. I will definitely get some counselling.

Oh peach. I remember your utterly heartbreaking thread in October. Please don't say sorry. You're not banging on.. You're grieving. There is no time limit on grief.. I wish I could say something to make you feel better.. But just know we're all here for you xx

Thank you @Pebbledashery, I really appreciate that. It's so hard to know where to put all this pain. I hate burdening my friends and family too much but it's so, so heavy.

I remember you peach.

I'm so sorry it's so hard, and so now all the time.

It's very lonely being the one for a young DD or DS. Very difficult as you know you have no choice but to be there for that little person.

Not sure if you've tried any antidepressants, or if that's something you'd consider.
Sometimes they can help in making the you bit not so tired etc.

Really thinking of you.

Xx

I don’t have any experience of losing a husband but please talk to your family and friends about how you are feeling.
Hugs to you OP

I just remember the beautiful photos you posted of you and your husband😢. It will get better peach, you will never ever ever forget him.. But it will start to ease in time x

💕

OP I'm so sorry. I have a friend who lost her DH (who was also our friend) around the same time and it must be so difficult. I hope it gets easier.