my mum is dying - am kind of freaked out by how 'well' I am dealing with

[geekgirl]

my mum (58) was diagnosed with ovarian cancer earlier this year - unfortunately the cancer never really responded to the chemo (although we always hoped it was - unfortunately it just wasn't to be ).

We went to stay with my parents at half-term which was very nice - unfortunately she was admitted to hospital just after we left with what appears to be a complete intestinal blockage and what appears to be multiple organ failure

They have stopped intravenous nutrition and are only giving her pain meds and fluids now - it's supposedly just a matter of days now (she is extremely underweight - just skin & bones).

I had a cry when dh told me last night (my db had rung and told him about them stopping intravenous nutrition whilst I was out) but since then it's been ok. Life just goes on. Dd1's at home with a flu bug, I had an appt with dd2's Senco, oh, and my mum is dying. That's how it feels IYSWIM. I spoke to her on the phone this afternoon - apart from her slurred speech it all seemed so normal.

I'm flying over to see her on Friday, I guess it'll be a tough weekend. Is it going to hit me really horribly at some point? Or am I made of ice?
I love my mum so much, we have a great relationship and talk at least once a day on the phone. She is my best friend and absolutely adores my kids. Life without her seems totally unimagineable really.

Oh geekgirl I am so sorry. It sounds horrendous.

Thanks for replying, I have thought about you such alot. It must be really hard for you needing and wanting to be in two places at the same time. Take care of yourself Munchie x

geekgirl so sorry this is happening to you
I lost my mum to cancer many years ago when I was 15. like you say towards the end when she was having palliative care at home and was all skin and bones it was very hard.
It was a relatively short illness but to a distressed 14/15 yr old it seemed like an eternity and many times I wished it was all over and felt so bad for wishing that.

At the end I felt somewhat detached and 'went through the motions' , there were other factors like a very unstable situation with father.

eventually 6months after her death I was able to start grieving.

and that is it grief takes many forms and is different for everyone, not easy but you go through it and you do feel it in your own time and in your own way.

sorry about the long post

Oh I hate that hippocratic oath bollocks when they use it like this.....

Did you know they keep changing the law as well? For instance we weren't allowed to remove the feed tube for my Grandma, but 2 years later we could for my Grandpa WTF?
Mum didn't have one either so she just went.

I didn't realise they'd changed it back again....at the end of the day even if they found a cure for cancer tomorrow it wouldn't help your Mum and if she is unable to feed herself then she should have the right to refuse.....what happened to respecting the autonomy of the patient, I think it's sick personally and feel so that your lovely Mum has to cope with this prolonged end when it could be over so quickly. Although the hallucinations do provide some light relief don't they?

I have also made arrangements for what is to happen if I get it too GG.
Sending you as much love and strength I can muster xx

well, my mum died this morning at 8 am.

My dad rang me a few minutes after, he sounded calm in a shell-shocked kind of way. Apparently she vomited horribly and then died.

Dh decided to turn around and come back home to be here for me.
I'm ok though and told him I don't need him here. Dd1 cried lots, even dh was crying, and I'm cool, calm and collected. Hope dd1 doesn't think I don't care or something.

oh geekgirl sorry to hear that, glad that you made it over to see her when you did.
Glad that you have your DH with you today

Geekgirl so sorry for your loss.

I have a story to tell, but missed the earlier posts, and now is the not the time.

I wish you all the strength for these early days, and that you can let your grief appear whenever it does. Our parents are meant to go before us, it is the natural way of life, but when one is taken it doesn't make it any easier.

oh geekgirl.
thinking of you.

Geekgirl so sorry
I'm going to mass later and I'll remember you and your family in the prayers
Love to you all Munchie xx

so sorry geekgirl .

Your mum is at peace, I am so sorry for your loss. Tears don't always come when we think they should or would, let your dh1 know that everyone deals with grief in different ways and this is your way - don't worry what other think just take care of yourself and your own xxx

Really sorry geek girl.