The comfort of 'things' in loss

[Trumplosttheelection]

My grandma died two weeks ago. I am broken. That does not surprise me. What has surprised me is the joy and comfort I am getting from her belongings. Chief is a ring she left me but I've got some other little things in the house including a couple of kitchen things and I'm collecting more this week. I talk to them and look at them and I do feel better. Which sounds totally mad written down, has anybody else found this after a loss?

I know what you mean - visual reminders that they were there, that they had touched them. I'm so sorry for your loss OP

Oh absolutely. I place so much value on "things" - I lost my mother when I was very young, and then my father in my 30s, and their things bring me immense comfort still, many years later. I get pleasure from rereading a book that I know my father once held, for example.

I'm sorry for your loss - and I'm glad you have something to give you some comfort.

Sorry about your grandma OP. My Dad died just over a year ago and I love coming across things that he gave me over the years, and things I'd never seen before that I found going through stuff in the house to help Mum.

So sorry. My Nan died 12 years ago now but I have quite a few things of hers but her 50s tea caddy reminds me of her the most - she was an avid tea drinker so when we arrived the kettle would be on. I've also got the vase she always put flowers in each week when I visited ♥️

I completely get this! My Mum died a couple of weeks ago and I held her glove today like I was holding her hand and it made me feel close to her. I've also kept some of her clothes and I cuddle them. It brings a lot of comfort and yes I suppose it might sound bonkers to others but I don't care. I am sorry for your loss 💐

I have one of her favourite vases with daffodils in atm and some of her ornaments too. And a colander!

Oh I'm so glad it's not just me! I've got a Tupperware cake box I've been talking to and a cake tin that's at least 70 years old too. And the meat fork that I smile at when I open the drawer.

It doesn't sound mad. It's a way for you to access your connection with your grandma even though she's not physically with you anymore. Our relationship with someone doesn't end when they die, it's just different.

To me, it sounds human and healthy to allow yourself to acknowledge the role your grandma has played in your life and to visit the emotional connection you still have.

And I'm sorry for the losses you've had. It's so hard. I've lost people before but I always knew this one would be like losing part of myself and it is.

Not strange at all. Normal, I think. I'm surrounded by my Nan's things- I even took her teaspoons when her house was cleared so I have little reminders all the time! Best one is her sewing box though, I always am pleased as punch when I mend something with her stash of elastic/buttons etc.

Sorry for your loss**@Trumplosttheelection**

I have a picture of my dd at my front door it was from my mum's house. I kiss it every time I pass it on my way out.
I had her and my mum's jewellery made into a 3 piece bangle that I never take off.
I also have my mums glasses in a drawer and my mum's telephone address book, I keep that so I can look at her writing because everyone in it is passed away now😆

I've worn mums wedding ring on my right hand for the last 24 years.

I have several 'worthless' trinkets of hers she treasured, and I do too.

I am glad you are getting comfort from your DN’s things. I am sure that would have brought her a lot of joy too. Sorry for your loss
I have a box of things belonging to DD, including her bunny and her blanket. Even after nearly six years they still smell of her, and when I open the box my heart literally swells with joy. It is like a little hello.
I don’t look in the box too often now, maybe 2 or 3 times a year, I fear if I open it too often the smell will fade.

I've got lots of stuff from my Nan including two clocks. It makes me feel closer to hear them chime.

So sorry for everyone’s losses 💐I can absolutely relate to this thread. I have a few things that belonged to my maternal Grandma & Grandad & they give me so much comfort & remind me of lovely times. I wish I had something of my paternal Grandparents too. I think my favourite item is my Grandma’s engagement ring which was given to me by my DM. That & another ring of hers fit me perfectly.

I've had quite a bad, sad day today. I've got this bit of string she'd tied round a cake tin to keep foil on it for making fruit cake. I reckon at least ten years ago. When I sorted out the tins I kept the string. Had to get it out of my handbag and hold it a bit. It's just hard.

@Trumplosttheelection

I've had quite a bad, sad day today. I've got this bit of string she'd tied round a cake tin to keep foil on it for making fruit cake. I reckon at least ten years ago. When I sorted out the tins I kept the string. Had to get it out of my handbag and hold it a bit. It's just hard.

Ahh. The Christmas cake string. Although it was sometimes the wool currently being knitted in my mums case.

I still use mums cake tins. Some must be almost 60 years old. I love them.

Keep the string

Thanks. Yes I've got a tin which I reckon has had its 70th birthday.

Make a cake for Easter, use her string, through the memories she will be with you

I have lots of things of my Mum and Dad’s.

My Mum died in 2003, and I have a bottle of her perfume - not to ever use myself, but to open and sniff.

I’ve lost both parents over the last few years. Find comfort in some things I have often small things. Most recently opened my flour canister to bake something and there was mum’s old tin flour scoop. A whole lifetime of remembering her using it and all of the birthday cakes etc. Felt connection back through the years. I may even have spoken out loud - I do from time to time to them both.
Really sorry about your grandma op. It’s really lovely to connect through things that help you remember and treasure lost loved ones.

Sorry for your lossesI completely understand- my DF died when I was pregnant with my 1st DD, and putting on a couple of his jumpers (which fit perfectly with a huge bump) was like being hugged.

@Trumplosttheelection

I've had quite a bad, sad day today. I've got this bit of string she'd tied round a cake tin to keep foil on it for making fruit cake. I reckon at least ten years ago. When I sorted out the tins I kept the string. Had to get it out of my handbag and hold it a bit. It's just hard.

I love about the string.

I've kept my late DH's post-it notes.Just to see his handwriting brings him rushing back.

I've got her Bero book with some handwritten pieces. She didn't write a recipe, just the ingredients. It's funny you should say that about Easter @IHateCoronavirus because she used to make me a simnel cake. Not for a few years now. But me and the string can do it.

Yes, things are important. Especially later down the years when life has moved on so significantly and sometimes it can feel like you imagined them. I treasure my grandparents belongings and they remind me they were real, as are my memories.